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  1. #1
    Senior Member Hinastarr's Avatar
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    Default In love with the idea of love

    Without rambling too much over my own dark mood and frustrations, I'd like to learn, based upon the perspective of other members, how to embrace being or feeling alone without the constant need for deep, meaningful connections and intimate relationships with others to offer me security and reassurance in life. How do you prevent yourself from continually relapsing toward that ceaseless cycle and falling into recurring bouts of depression due to feelings of isolation and instead, learn to accept yourself and life for what it is and quit comparing yourself toward the rest? How do you start feeling... worthy, and lovable again, and abandon all past guilt or mistakes that have made you feel disgusted toward the person you are, and among all, stop relying upon the compliments, advice, and flattery of others to develop your own sense of confidence and empowerment? Somehow, I feel that past events in my life have led to my gradually losing my self-esteem and the will to love and nurture myself for all that I am, and I don't truly know how to regain this sense of confidence or emotional balance again.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Noon's Avatar
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    The first step is to completely stop acting and switch to observing and listening [to yourself]. Confusion is often the result of overactivity.

    Ask yourself why you are feeling guilty - not necessarily analyze, but just ask. If you do want to analyze anything, perhaps analyze whether or not the guilt has served its purpose. It's a corrective feeling; if there can be no more corrective action taken, give yourself license to let it go. In my experience - and this might sound silly - the single most corrective action you can take in any circumstance is a voicing of your resolution to guard against committing the fault again. No one needs to hear it but yourself and your environment.

    Do you feel like you're 'nothing' without the validation of others? Cool, then be nothing. Nothing is great to be. Nothing means that you are potentially everything, having no foreign expectations to chart or limit your development. Just relax and enjoy watching that new ambiguity unfold into something organically specific. It might amaze you. Then when you see how right it feels, you'll find it harder to surrender when you do return to others.

    Besides that, focus on the little things until you've built yourself back up to taking on the big things. What are the little things you like about yourself, that you like to do, that make you happy? What are the little patterns of thought that you can clearly identify as troublesome? What don't you like in general? If it troubles you in any way, throw it out, disregard it. Be selfish for the time being. Think about your well-being only.

    I think that over time with things like these, happiness resurfaces on its own.

    Best of luck

  3. #3
    Senior Member Eluded_One's Avatar
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    I've given up on certain ideals. Such as the one on your title. By accepting myself as incomplete, it made me more whole by accepting the fact that I have little control over things, such as, the people I want to meet and those I attract. That doesn't necessarily mean I've given up on everything, but not all of us are destined to find the right person, and let's say I do find the right person, life doesn't end at that moment like a movie, and before I know it, I'm on another quest to find the next best thing.

    In order to feel worthy or lovable, you can't simply just tell yourself that you are. You need a healthy balance of what you see in yourself and what others are telling you.
    “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -anonymous

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  5. #5
    Senior Member Eluded_One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by superunknown View Post
    How personal of you. You're quite the NF.
    “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -anonymous

  6. #6
    WALMART
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eluded_One View Post
    How personal of you. You're quite the NF.
    *deep curtsey*

  7. #7
    Senior Member Eluded_One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by superunknown View Post
    *deep curtsey*
    *blushes*
    “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -anonymous

  8. #8
    Senior Member Hinastarr's Avatar
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    Belated as this is, thank you all for your much appreciated responses I recently broke free of a rather complicated, tumultous relationship with a person I met online, which in due time began wearing down upon me as said person became increasingly manipulative and untrustworthy and certain issues began to surface that led to my pulling away. As the experience is rather personal on my behalf, I won't disclose details regarding it, yet am still glad to have everyone's kind words, despite how low in spirits I was feeling then. I'll take everything into account and cherish all the advice or support that has been offered.

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