I am an ENFP with a varied background enriched by INFJ's.
My first young love was with an INFJ who ended up breaking my heart. He (rightly) decided he could not communicate in a way that would make us happy. Truthfully, we were both too emotionally immature to negotiate communicating. I still view him as one of the best friends I ever had.
I married an INFJ and had a passionate, romantic, communicative, fulfilling marriage that was the envy of friends and family until I was left a young widow 3 years ago.
I now have a few new INFJ friends in my life. One of whom I had been developing a nice friendship with and now I am unsure of how to proceed. Thus, I thought I would seek your expertise.
We socialize in groups, text and email. Occasionally we talk on the phone (I am not a huge phone user). He is very successful (read: busy) at work and has a large extended family as well as friends. Knowing he has a lot on his mind and plate, I have often asked him if he needs some time where I can back off and come back? He has always said no.
Recently, he had begun opening up to me more about his feelings. In a spoken conversation he said his feelings were dumb after I got playful and started teasing him (yes, sigh, I know).
After, he wrote me and said I was incredibly easy to talk to. Which he appreciated and wished he could be more like. Then he emphasized I could share things and write to him.
So, a little under a week later I wrote to him and he has since disappeared.
So, I thought about what I know of the INFJ mind and then spent days reading YOUR thoughts and replies to others.
I waited a bit and sent a short message apologizing for teasing him, saying I truly appreciated what he had said. I also said that I was sorry that I had not just listened to his feelings and had suggested ways I thought he WAS good at what he said he was not, because he knows himself and maybe he just wanted a hearing ear.
In the past he would have answered the same day.
I was worried because I am very complimentary he might have thought I was interested in him. But I always have been, he is equally complimentary, he knows I am still grieving and I can't imagine him throwing away a friendship over two communications and mere hypothetical?
So, how best to proceed INFJ's? Particularly you males of the species, either sex who withdraw, really ALL are welcome!
Would it be kind to drop a line saying there is no need for any response unless there is a problem, so that if he is mentally taxed right now that relieves at least one burden? Should I wait a while and send a funny video with no message just to show all is ok on my end. Or should I just leave it completely to him?
Thank you so kindly for considering the issues of this ENFP as I (or at least I try to) understand how much effort and space it costs you!