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  1. #1
    Member Curtis B's Avatar
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    Default INFP Commitment Issues

    Hey

    I've found that I have difficulty committing in a relationship; I think it stems partly from being an Introvert, i.e becoming exhausted, needing room, etc...

    It's not that I don't like the person who I am dating, I'm just afraid of committing.

    I guess what I'm wondering is whether or not this is MY issue, an INFP issue, or an Introvert issue.

    Please share your experiences

    Also I wasn't sure if this should be here or under relationships, but I chose here because I believe it is type specific.

  2. #2
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    It is definitely your issue, but a lot of Ps have that issue too...
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  3. #3
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    What do you mean by 'committing'? Does it mean agreeing to be exclusive? Boyfriend/girlfriend label?
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  4. #4
    Member Curtis B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    What do you mean by 'committing'? Does it mean agreeing to be exclusive? Boyfriend/girlfriend label?
    I mean just committing to someone, as in being in a relationship. It's not an exclusivity thing. I think I've got it all worked out though. I've read that many INFP's are always "searching for a more perfect relationship". I think that's a large part of it: never being completely comfortable with the person you're with.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Curtis B View Post
    Hey

    I've found that I have difficulty committing in a relationship; I think it stems partly from being an Introvert, i.e becoming exhausted, needing room, etc...

    It's not that I don't like the person who I am dating, I'm just afraid of committing.

    I guess what I'm wondering is whether or not this is MY issue, an INFP issue, or an Introvert issue.

    Please share your experiences

    Also I wasn't sure if this should be here or under relationships, but I chose here because I believe it is type specific.
    It effects you. Therefore it is your issue. Everything bad that happens in the world is 50% your fault. Remember that.

  6. #6
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Curtis B View Post
    I mean just committing to someone, as in being in a relationship. It's not an exclusivity thing. I think I've got it all worked out though. I've read that many INFP's are always "searching for a more perfect relationship". I think that's a large part of it: never being completely comfortable with the person you're with.
    I can understand this. Fi/Ne will poink in this way. But perfection doesn't create happiness.

  7. #7
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I don't have a problem with it as long as I am honest with myself about what I really need, want & like. It's only a problem if I start to explore something & ignore the part of me saying it's not going to go anywhere I want/need/like. Then I have to find a way to back out. But I don't do that too often.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  8. #8
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Commitment issues? Aint no one got time for that.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
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    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  9. #9
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    Once I'm in a relationship, I'm in.

  10. #10
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    the only pattern i've noticed is that the withdrawn types, 4s, 5s, and 9s often have some boundary issues. a long, long time ago, i dated a 9w1 sx/sp infp, and we both made each other's lives hell with our constant push/pull. feeling engulfed and feeling abandoned. without recognizing your own needs, it's very difficult to take ownership of yourself and be at all realistic at what kinds of boundaries you need in order to be able to best function.

    the sx thing, i think, adds its own unique spin, a very addictive quality. where we will only want the best, and keep wanting it, rather than diversify and find more balanced, more flexible ways of meeting our needs. we can be kind of exhausting in terms of how much conflict we bring into our own lives and those of others as a result. i'm still just scratching the surface of how to deal with this. always wanting more sometimes is just a sign of impatience and inflexibility. trying to own this seems really helpful, but again, it seems like a lifelong work. relationships don't always have enough time to evolve with such challenges. they just get burned out by the constant elevated blood pressure, the constriction of sx. <--i don't exactly know what kind of metaphor this is supposed to be. just too much crisis.

    the one thing i have found is having an ongoing "needs" conversation. it's really helpful at undermining entitlements and resentments, offers a consistent opportunity to ASK for empathy (which helps me relax and realize i'm not just running on my own schedule anymore), and helps get at the underlying needs that can move us away from right/wrong resentment-filled assessments and help us see the core process of continuing to relate most clearly. it's so much easier to accept a "no," when someone needs to ask for a boundary not because they don't care about you but because they have their own shit and are communicating that in a way that is first owning that. when you offer your own vulnerability, it makes the movements of giving more accessible and much, much more rewarding for both sides. the recognition is just there.

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