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  1. #81
    Member J1129's Avatar
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    I can definitely relate to this article. One of my best friends always tells me I apologize all the time.
    I just don't like people to feel awkward because I often find myself in awkward situations so I try to make others not feel uncomfortable. For example, I might have a party in the coming months but since I have friends from different groups who don't necessarily all like each other, I'm having second thoughts about the whole idea. People tell me they'll get along for my sake but I'd rather have everyone comfortable with each other so that the event can be as successful & fun as possible.
    Back to apologizing, I just don't like to have uncertain cold feelings with others. If I do something wrong, I immediately say sorry because I want to know that the person & I are still cool with each other & that there are no harsh feelings between us. I do not like conflict, criticism, & I like knowing where my relationships stand so apologizing is my natural way of putting everything back in balance. I want my relationships to be as warm & open as possible.

  2. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I tend to use it as a way to see where my failings and weaknesses are and work on them. And since I know my weaknesses involve sometimes seeming cold and detached and overly analytical, I tend to look towards warm, caring and kind people as role models.
    I agree with what you said that, some people use their 'type' as an excuse to defend the wrong or inappropriate things that they do. Being an ENFP, speaking for myself, things for me has been a roller coaster ride, so I try to develop the other side of the spectrum like trying to be more of a "T" on the situations in my life when I should think more than feel although it really gets difficult.

  3. #83
    Mamma said knock you out Mempy's Avatar
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    I can be very confrontational, frustrated and unapologetic when I'm in a bad mood.

    I don't apologize that much, unless the situation really requires it. Like if I'm walking by someone and accidentally knock them hard in the elbow, and they drop all their school books. "Oh! I'm so sorry." And I'll help them pick them up. Or if I accidentally cut someone off in conversation, because we both wanted to say something at the same time. Things like that. I don't /effuse/ apologies. A little dab will do you, as long as it's authentic.

    I'm an INFP and I don't mind at all deep discussions where both sides are "pushing" - I don't actually see it as pushing unless the other person gets excited and stops listening to what I'm saying, in which case I'll probably just stop talking. If I can tell they're not listening, why talk?

    I won't "push" my voice in any conversation, not even if the matter needs to be discussed. If someone's so angry or red in the face that I can tell nothing's getting through to them - if it's an effort to talk over them - it's time to take a break from the conversation and come back to it later, if it's important. If it's not important, I'll just blow by it.

    Most of the time I just say what I want to say or what comes to mind. I never apologize for just being myself and saying what I really feel. If I can tell someone's listening, I'll probably just talk. I like conversation, even if we disagree.

  4. #84
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    I apologize a lot. When I was younger, I did it because I had painful self-esteem issues and I wanted to make sure I was not offending anyone and that everyone liked me. So sad. So true.

    I don't apologize as much anymore, but I still do it more than 'most people'. It got on the nerves of my INTP friend who asked me 'why are you apologizing? what are you sorry for?'

    The thing is, when I apologize, I'm not necessarily claiming responsibility for anything, I'm usually just empathising with the other person. As in, "I'm so sorry to hear that" or "I'm sorry that happened to you, even though I have absolutely nothing to do with it and can't do anything to rectify the situation for you".

    'Sorry' is a FEELING signifier, basically to tell the other people or person that 'I am aware, and I care'.

    Gawd, no wonder why NF's can drive more logical types nutty.

  5. #85
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by J1129 View Post
    ...One of my best friends always tells me I apologize all the time.
    I just don't like people to feel awkward because I often find myself in awkward situations so I try to make others not feel uncomfortable. ...
    Back to apologizing, I just don't like to have uncertain cold feelings with others. If I do something wrong, I immediately say sorry because I want to know that the person & I are still cool with each other & that there are no harsh feelings between us. I do not like conflict, criticism, & I like knowing where my relationships stand so apologizing is my natural way of putting everything back in balance. I want my relationships to be as warm & open as possible.
    OMG, so on point. Even though I am ENFP, this gets to why I apologize. Not to the same extreme or extent, but definitely when I was younger this hits the nail on the head. And even now, older, wiser, more confident, and not as dependent on other people's approval -- I identify with your description.

    It's so nice to meet other people feel similarly and understand!

  6. #86
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    'Sorry' is a FEELING signifier, basically to tell the other people or person that 'I am aware, and I care'.

    Gawd, no wonder why NF's can drive more logical types nutty.
    Sorry is also a social reflex. I say sorry a lot even if I don't mean it. Of course...normally my lack of enthusiasm shines through, negating the whole process.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  7. #87
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    I apologise alot too lol I know I do it, and I try not to.

    If I like you, and as you said you seem to come back with a strong opinion, I worry that I have offended, so I will back down a bit, to save the friendship, doesn't mean I have changed my stance, just means I will try again another time only phrased better.

    If I have no particular feelings for you, or I think you are intentionally trying to use my apologetic stance for your own gain, then I will come back hard, very hard, and I won't back down, sensitive people watch out as I have been known to make people cry often when I get like that.

    Ah but then the tears get to me, and I end up apologising, even if I don't like you, tears get me.

    Still though I am alot better at standing my ground and alot harder than I used to be.
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  8. #88
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Default Also, no manners --

    Finally, in general people with no or poor manners really piss me off. I have no patience or sympathy for bad customer service or rude people, no matter how bad their day is going, as I worked in full time retail for 2 years and 98% was an AWESOME sales associate. That's just the ENFP in me.

    So going along with why do I apologize so much -- it just comes down to having good home training. Do you care about other people? Do you have manners? Do you understand social graces?

    People who are uncouth or who have obvious chips on their shoulders or confidence issues and so do NOT apologize or saying 'please, thank you, may I?' because they think it makes them look WEAK -- I think they look ugly and small and so obvious that they are insecure.

    Even though some (non NF's) may say that confidence issues drive an NF's need to apologize, I think it at least shows a great level of awareness and concern for others and the general social atmosphere. And on the flip side, it does take an amount of confidence to even verbalize and show emotion to say 'I'm sorry'.

    So yes, a related tangent.

  9. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by targo View Post
    But to me as an NF Jennifer everything is personal, everything is internalized... I am an Fi. Any source of emotion that comes at me is processed within me thus making it personal.
    yeh lol, we are sensitive spiritual appology bags! my very soul looses a morsel of light when we are thrown anger.

    now, on the other hand, if one had a burst of 'negative' emotion went upstairs for a minute until it vanished, then came down and spoke...softly, 'darling,(matching puppy eyes too) please dont do that again it irritates me, i have just nearly choked on my vomit '.....then everything would be ok(more or less) and i'm sure we would be able to diplomatically discuss!

  10. #90
    Senior Member miked277's Avatar
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    i can attest to the *nfp feeling the need to apologize to a fault (imo). what's fun tho on occasion is when they try to apologize for something like being too assertive or pointing out some mistake or w/e, in a really serious-but-joking tone let them know just how much they have offended you and how hurt you are. mmm, rufffling a *nfp's feathers can be fun too

    <3

    edit: tho i only suppose it's funny coming from a normally heartless type of person

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