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  1. #31
    Senior Member Nighthawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I'll add, too, that it's only online that I've been accused of being too sensitive. IRL, I've been accused more than once of being too cold, etc, especially when I was young and less comfortable with any display of emotion.
    I'm often told that I am a very hard person to get to know. I attribute that most to the introversion however.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    I'll usually give one run-through of my side of the argument; if my position doesn't get any traction with the other party, then I'll drop it. I'm not going to spend a day typing messages to a stranger trying to tell him something he doesn't want to hear.

    Arguing is a low priority with me. If anything, I need the other party to evince some obvious openmindedness and desire to hear more before I'll invest time and energy in an exchange.

    Also, I don't feel bad backing off an argument. There's no loss of pride there. Since arguing is a low priority, my self-esteem isn't invested in the idea of winning or losing arguments.

    FL
    I dislike this, sometimes (esp. NTs) we are merely testing the argument/idea. If you fold, then we might decide your argument/idea is wrong... and a good idea is lost.


  3. #33
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Park View Post
    I think introverts can be perceived that way at first hand regardless of type. Being *too* sensitive or *too* cold is allways relative to ones surroundings. So question allways is what to use people's perceptions for - if anything.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nighthawk View Post
    I'm often told that I am a very hard person to get to know. I attribute that most to the introversion however.
    Yes, it has a lot to do with introversion. I can remember a couple of incidents when I was a teenager of being verbally beat about the head for my coldness when I was feeling anything but.

    I have never been particularly comfortable with displays of strong emotion, especially my own. I hate the vulnerability most of all- my strong emotions are almost always expressed in tears. It's embarrassing.

    My four pregnancies cured me of trying to fight it. With my hormones all out of whack like that there was just no way to stop the waterworks so I gave up. It turns out it's not as bad as I thought it would be and both my happy tears and my sad tears have let a couple of close friends realize that I do care very deeply about them. I'm not sure they had that assurance before. But I still don't particularly like being that way.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #34
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlnamedbless View Post
    Personally, I've found that NFJs don't apologize as much as NFPs. Since the J is the judging trait, NFJs tend to stick to their strong opinions. I've had debates/discussions with a couple of INFJs before, and man do they stick to their guns.. never really apologized either. (Not that I expect them to.) On the opposite hand.. my INFP friend apologizes ALL the time.. like if I give her a ride home, she'll apologize.. and each time I tell her if I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't! She's also more uncomfortable in a discussion of conflicting views as compared to the NFJ. So I think the J vs P has a lot to do with it.
    Maybe you're right. Once an INFP roommate and I went out to eat and the waitress completely screwed up our order. I was hesitant to complain myself cause I didn't want spit in my food, but I wasn't about to pay for something I didn't enjoy. She kept apologizing about her food when we sent it back and I asked why was she apologizing since she didn't do anything wrong. I did some apologizing of my own so maybe we were about equal, but she genuinely felt bad about sending her food back, whereas I was apologizing hoping I didn't find some extra spices in mine. But this same INFP almost bit my head off when we were discussing something, so I don't know.

    Sometimes a well placed sincere apology helps calm an escalating situation.

  5. #35
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Park View Post
    Here's an example:
    Knock knock on door.
    T: Yes.
    F: Park, do you have a moment?
    T: Yes.
    F: Am I disturbing.
    T: No.
    F: I'm not sure if it's appropriate to ask you this. I know you have a lot on your mind today. However, if it's not too much trouble....... I'm *not* saying it has to be today nor tomorrow and if you would rather I came back and asked another time that's fine.........

    I think it's cute. I understand the considerate thoughts behind this behaviour.......but gosh it can annoy me.
    The ultra polite communication is partly cultural. That could actually be a stronger drive than MBTI type. It is based on a different concept of boundaries. There is an assumption that certain boundaries are supposed to be drawn by the person making the request. In other cultural settings, the boundary is assumed to be made by the one receiving the request. It is based on the assumption that the other person could feel pressured by a request. Asking multiple times if it is alright allows the person making the request time to analyze the nuance and response to see if it is actually a problem. It is a more complex, less precise manner of communication than taking people exactly at their word.

    IRL I actually do apologize too much. I was raised in a family of strong INFs - especially strong Fs. My apologizing too much is concentrated to my most personal relationships, but that has more to do with a history of rejection and abandonment issues than personality imo.
    Last edited by labyrinthine; 05-29-2007 at 11:14 PM. Reason: cut and paste a sentence
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  6. #36
    Senior Member bluebell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    My apologizing too much is concentrated to my most personal relationships, but that has more to do with a history of rejection and abandonment issues than personality imo.
    I'm NT and I also apologise too much IRL, for similar reasons. Once I became aware of it, and aware it can become extremely irritating for others, I made a concious effort to do it less.

    This thread [and the Why are NFs so boring thread] has been an interesting insight into why people behave the way they do and how it can be perceived so differently by others. I have some of the so-called NF traits of not reacting, not pushing back, not reacting - I am often quite meek and shy IRL. I think that's more to do with my personal history, though, rather than NF vs NT. Plus I also recently realised that I tend not to get involved in debates and discussions unless I'm 100% sure of what I know (which I rarely am) and if I am totally sure of my knowledge I am too bored by the topic to get involved in the discussions because I've already thought through it all. So while I might be debating with someone in my head and running through what they're likely to say and then going meh, can't be bothered - all they see is silence from me.
    ...so much smoke pouring out of each chromosome.

  7. #37
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Just a funny side-anecdote about feelers and scoldings. I dated a guy once, but don't really know his type, except he was an FJ. A friend of ours had some good news and I said "Hey that's pretty nice." It's just a little phrase I use to say something positive. Well he got really offended, took me aside and scolded me saying, "Pretty nice! it is very nice!!!" It made me feel like crap at the time, but I have gotten a lot of humor mileage out of it since. Interestingly enough, I didn't apologize, but furrowed my brows in a mildly grumpy fashion.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  8. #38
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I know... sigh... it's just so... different (!).
    Now imagine something of the like being done with Ti. Analogously, you'd then perceive nearly everything as impersonal.
    "Do not argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -- Mark Twain

    “No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.”---Samuel Johnson

    My blog: www.randommeanderings123.blogspot.com/

  9. #39
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    I'm okay with being blunt and to the point with people, because "diffusing" what I need to say with apologies and being all cautious makes me feel insincere, like I'm not -there- with them. Most of the time I say sorry because I'm EXTREMELY clumsy and usually am not aware of the trail of destruction I can leave behind. This trail of destruction comes in many forms. If what I do ends up hurting someone, then I'll use my magical ENF skills to make them feel better. I like to make sure things are running smoothly; no hard feelings, nothing left to be hostile and silent and stuffy about.
    sparkly sparkly rainbow excretions

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    holy shit am I a feeler?
    if you like my avatar, it's because i took it myself! : D

  10. #40
    Senior Member Cerpin_Taxt's Avatar
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    I've apologized for things that haven't been my fault, but its mostly so i dont have to acknowledge the other person's -IMO-unrequired apology.

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