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[NF] Why Do NFs Apologize So Much?

burningranger

Ambience seeker
Joined
Aug 3, 2017
Messages
248
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I don't. Take me or leave me motherfluffers!
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,187
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BELF
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594
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sx/sp
hey, wow... I started this thread. (I didn't even notice until now.) Like, started it a month after the forum first opened. :smile:

I can't believe it's still alive.
 

Sacrophagus

Mastermind Fieldmarshal
Joined
Jul 11, 2017
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1,702
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ENTJ
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854
I was just made stronger by this post. Thank you so much for creating it and for using your observations of me as an example as I feel I can learn as much from your insights as I do from your attitude and approach to life.


Loud people around the world are usually those who get the spotlight in every room, while the loudest minds and those who have something to teach us are usually the quietest, and I always prod at the quietest first. When they leave themselves behind, I don't leave them behind.

I think if we study the ostensible effort one puts in the favor of the output, you'd be one of the most underrated members in this family. Your modesty is one rare exhibition to behold, and it is my pleasure to read you as you give zealously conforming to your inner referendum, a paragon of humility, expecting nothing in return, and to witness your responses that are sated with gratitude even when you harvest the tiniest fragment of what you're owed, it makes me humbled.
Let me correct myself. It makes me proud.

I like it when you finally get a grasp of a helpless situation and you let it go. However, you never do that until you have given them a second chance, and another second chance, and another second chance. Holy shit. Then you tell yourself "Okay. No more second chances. I'm serious. I'll just give them the benefit of the doubt now."

I'm learning from you more than you're learning from me. You just don't see it.

Remember the high horse? It doesn't seem to exist when I'm surrounded by people like you.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
I apologized an annoying amount when I was younger. When I have the nervous urge to do so now, I've started thinking how I could frame it as, "Thank you for your patience", instead of "Sorry about not sending that yet", if it really was something beyond my control. I think by looking for what I can be thankful for in the other person, it frames things differently in both our minds, and also comes off as appropriately assertive and confident. Wish I had understood all that long ago.
 

Lucy_Ricardo

New member
Joined
Jun 16, 2017
Messages
146
MBTI Type
INFP
I'm an NF, and I don't apologize much unless I've actually caused offense. This is a trait I've acquired in adulthood, though--I was much more likely to fold when I was a teenager.

I don't apologize for having a strong opinion, negative or positive, but I also don't share my opinions with many people. It's not because I'm non-confrontational (though I do lean that way)--it's because I only confront the people who are worth confronting.

In my world, it's the people I love who are worth confronting--family, close friends, etc. I don't mind debating with them because their opinions matter to me, and I respect what they have to say.

Getting into a debate or argument with anyone besides those whom I love isn't worth the effort.
 

Kas

Fabula rasa
Joined
Apr 22, 2015
Messages
2,554
I apologise a lot. And yes, when often after getting angry for some reason, even when none noticed.

I was laughed at yesterday by my friends because I was apologising the waiter after getting wrong meal and asking for what I really ordered :shrug:
 

stoic

New member
Joined
Sep 25, 2017
Messages
23
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INFJ
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sx/sp
It depends if I respect the individual whom I'm speaking with. I'm not the type to compromise my belief for someone else's feelings unless it would be to hold harmony in our conversation. If I hurt someone's feelings with my belief I would feel subject to apologize if I respect them, otherwise, I can see no reason for it. I wouldn't say all NF's apologize to conflicting views. I certainly would only apologize if I became intuitively aware of a sensitive subject for the person I'm speaking with. You may be better off saying all Fi types habitually apologize to avoid conflict. As an auxilary Fe and dominant Ni, I feel strongly confident in my observations/subjective analysis and when I do choose to share them I normally have worked out their possible reactions. INFJ's are manipulators of positivity, we aren't people pleaser but we are agreeable. Just my perspective on your generalization of all NF types.
 

Froody Blue Gem

Necromancing Scapelamb
Joined
Dec 19, 2018
Messages
1,141
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INTP
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sp/so
Yes, I am guilty of apologizing too much and have been called out for it. ^^; It comes out of a place of extreme social anxiety and being a people pleaser. Once I am on good terms with people, I get paranoid about putting a foot wrong. Also when the wrong thing slips out of my mouth because I am not good at putting thoughts into words. I want them to know that I am not trying to cause any harm. I apologize even more if the offense is even more serious. There are times when I'm the opposite if I feel like I'm falsely accused of something, I get defensive so I go to two extremes.
 
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