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  1. #211
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystic Tater View Post
    So now... you want them to apologize for apologizing?
    I'd rather have people apologize for responding to a post I made four years ago and didn't even remember existed.

    ... but actually, no apology necessary. I just wanted to understand why they do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by freeeekyyy View Post
    NFs are fine just the way they are. They're not NTs, there's no reason they need to be NTs. I think in many cases, they just really don't care to argue. When I argue with NFs, I often feel like I'm being cruel by "pushing my values on them." I'd rather not be cruel. There are plenty of NTs to argue with without getting the NFs involved.
    It's not a matter of them being NTs.

    It's a matter of dealing with people, and actually, now, if we look at it, some strategies if overused can actually created hardship for the person and the other people they deal with. It's not like NTs shouldn't apologize in some situations, when it makes sense and is actually beneficial to everyone; meanwhile, NFs don't need to apologize for everything.

    It has nothing to do with a judgment over "what a type should be," it's about doing what is most beneficial in a given situation.

    ... but... then again.. people are who they are. So.... now what?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #212
    Anamolic Amalgamation Forever's Avatar
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    Heh. Last post was on my 18th birthday. God I feel so old.

    I'm the enemy of Typology Central. I want to say sorry again to all of you.

    I just don't get people I guess.
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  3. #213
    Member Queen Parrot's Avatar
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    I have this problem.... I say sorry all the time... :/

  4. #214
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    Not an NF, but I'm the type who says sorry all the time. I have a tendency to say things that offend people without realizing it, so I end up overusing the term because I get paranoid if people do somehow take offense to what I say. Also, I can't hold grudges at all, so I end up apologizing whether it was my own wrongdoing or not in order to try and reconcile anything that went wrong between me and another person. I am a pretty forgiving person in general and I think life is just too short to be angry over petty matters.
    "If only every generation would realize that the time for greatness is right now when they’re alive…the time to flower is now."

    – Patti Smith

  5. #215
    wallflowe r🥀 DulcetRefrain's Avatar
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    Guilty here, I realize it can be annoying so I try not to...but at the same time I don't like hurting people. If I think I've offended/hurt you, or I'm being a bother, or I feel I've become a burden, I apologize for it. I guess it's just a weird way of me saying I intended them no harm or inconvenience whatsoever, & I am sincerely sorry when I say it, I'm not just trying to be a stuck record. And to me it's better than assuming I can say/do whatever without regard for someone else, I'd hate to do that.
    I only ask to be free. The butterflies are free...

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  6. #216
    Mastermind Fieldmarshal Sacrophagus's Avatar
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    I don't see it as a problem at all, in fact, I learned how to appreciate it over the years.

    People like @Starry for example apologize and apologize, but it stems from their consideration for you, and they back that up by their deeds, like granting others the gift of their time, assist and help, and I don't see that as a weakness.

    Their apology is not the big problem. Our reaction is.

    Are we going to accept their apology or make them feel guilty even more? Are we going to let them wallow in thoughts of incompetence and low self-esteem or are we going to tell them there's nothing to apologize for when they're doing their best and consequently give them less reasons to apologize for?
    That's the turning point.
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  7. #217
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sacrophagus View Post
    I don't see it as a problem at all, in fact, I learned how to appreciate it over the years.

    People like @Starry for example apologize and apologize, but it stems from their consideration for you, and they back that up by their deeds, like granting others the gift of their time, assist and help, and I don't see that as a weakness.

    Their apology is not the big problem. Our reaction is.

    Are we going to accept their apology or make them feel guilty even more? Are we going to let them wallow in thoughts of incompetence and low self-esteem or are we going to tell them there's nothing to apologize for when they're doing their best and consequently give them less reasons to apologize for?
    That's the turning point.

    I was just made stronger by this post. Thank you so much for creating it and for using your observations of me as an example as I feel I can learn as much from your insights as I do from your attitude and approach to life.
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  8. #218
    Dream without Hesitation Dreamer's Avatar
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    I apologize because I'm highly aware, most the time, of where I've misstepped or failed to meet my own standards within this criterion of competency when it comes to my interactions with others. Many times the people I'm apologizing to hadn't even considered my misstep as anything to really be for sorry for, and I've learned that people in general, so long as you are making a genuine effort not to repeat the same errors over and over, are very forgiving over minor to moderate missteps.

    I'm forgiving and honestly, probably allow more than I should at times, but it's ultimately, any time I've done something where I personally, would have issue or notice something, is when I apologize. The very simple guide of "treat others as you wish to be treated" is very apparent in my dealings with others.

    I'm also just used to screwing things up since childhood, thank you ADHD, so before I became aware of my own missteps, others around me were always reminding me and pointing out of where I did, and at times, shamed me for it. Sucked at the time being me, but hey, that also meant those times were never forgotten

    I don't think apologizing, even profusely, is an NF thing, or type related, but I feel it could influence what areas you are made aware of in your shortcomings, and those areas is where one may apologize more readily for. Since Feeling types place more focus on their interactions with people in general, than Thinkers, social dynamics, including feeling a need to apologize, makes sense to me. So...alright, I guess in this light, it could be type related? but not as directly so if that makes sense.

  9. #219
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    I actually don't apologize much, unless I do believe I did something damagingly wrong. I am highly aware of how people respond to my words and actions, and it is incredibly wearing that you can't move through the world without offending or hurting people. But at some point an NF has to pick a hill, and stick a flag in it, no apologies. It's a crowded place.
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  10. #220
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    because they burn toast and forget to put the toilet seat down, which drives their SJ friends and spouses mad.
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