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  1. #1
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    Default Worried about my brother (INFJ - Tested + confirmed)

    He is in the break-up with an INFJ girl (not tested or confirmed but I strongly feel she is - the INJ are 100%, the F I would say 95%).

    This situation is very strange to me, and I cannot relate at all.

    She is 26 (I am 24, to put into perspective I am 27 so she is closer to me than to him in age).

    She is of course as an INFJ, very intelligent, strong character, I would say she never seems at ease with me, but I am not sure if that is her personality in general, or just her reaction to me. She is pretty and elegant, not my style personally (tall and thin figure, I prefer a curvy look), but certainly, would be considered an attractive and intelligent young girl.

    Also she is Spanish speaking and similair in he appearance to my mother, who is also refined, ENFJ, Spanish speaking etc. So you can see where am going - at a glance I even confused her with my mother a few times before, as they even dress similarly, and both do the same job!

    My brother and this girl for the past 10 months or so have spent pretty much every day together. He has slept at her house ever night, she moved across the city to live just 5 minutes from us, she got a job close to our home. When my brother was away on holiday for a few months she was worried if a day went by without him writing. They have almost never been apart, they never miss a call, they do everything together, even socializing.

    I noticed she is also very jealous of other girls who have shown any inteest in my broher at any point, even very unattractive looking ones who are 35 (a nice person though).

    Then suddenly, my brother came home yesterday, and said to my mother that his GF had said to him, that she was worried thy are "too different" and she was worried about the future, and they should break up. Apparently they have been talking about this for 3 days. There was apaprently no argument, just "little things" they disagreed on. He then went to her house that night because she wanted him to spend the night there, and now he has gone to spend "one last night" there tonight. When asked if they were getting back together, he said "maybe".

    This to me is very fucked up. I have ended relationships before, but I have never gone from such an intense relationship, to such a seemingly "cold" break up over no particular argument. It seems very strange she could go from that level of depending on him, to ending it.

    That is all the information I have at hand, could any INFJ shed any light on what might be going on?

    My theory is maybe they are both too strong characters with very high standards for themselves and others, and neither one ever gives way to the other one on the "little things" so it's like a constant ego struggle. But this really is just conjecture, because there does not seem to have been any warning of this coming, in fact, until 2 days ago I would have told you they were basically a married couple.


  2. #2
    ndovjtjcaqidthi
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    It sounds like she could be a psychopath.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Opal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nights and Days View Post
    It sounds like she could be a psychopath.
    I'm getting that vibe too. She happens to be the same type as your brother and is uncomfortable around you?
    Though, to be fair, it would be an elaborate act (relocating, finding new employment, expressing unease in your brother's absence...). If she were antisocial, what would she have to gain from this?

    Out of curiosity, how did they meet?

  4. #4
    ndovjtjcaqidthi
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    Quote Originally Posted by solipsists View Post
    what would she have to gain from this?
    For kicks? *

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by solipsists View Post
    Out of curiosity, how did they meet?
    She studied on the same course as him.

    I don't want to exaggerate, It is not as if she is completely agitated when I am there. It is just a vague "vibe" I feel.

    I have got on well with her, I even comforted her after an argument with her ex while my brother was away, and she stayed for an hour alone with me.

    It is just that she seems tense in some sense, not completely relaxed. But maybe this is just my TP perception of her NJ type and not because she is unhappy.

  6. #6
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    She might have been having doubts for awhile but just let things cruise until she came to a final decision.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  7. #7
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    She might have anxious-avoidant attachment, which would explain the hyper-clingy honeymoon period, and then the totally unexpected yet also totally non-dramatic push to end the relationship.

    Wants a close relationship, gets it & is happy for awhile, then gets anxious over even trivial separation from the partner, and then after many months of this suddenly reunites with the inner urge to not be controlled and walks away in peace, only to re-enter a temporary of period of equilibrium as a single person, and then start the cycle all over again once the "Next-Ex-Mr. Right" emerges from the ethos.

    I doubt she's a psychopath. I didn't read anything about constant lying, repeated cycles of being nice and then being abusive, or repeated attempts at making your Bro feel sorry for her.
    Psychopaths don't have to be violent, however they are all liars, and they all have a propensity to prey on the unwitting for nothing more than their own amusement.
    Psychopaths are incapable of feeling fear, and thus do not respond to punishment. Your brother has not punished her, and thus she's had no clear opportunity to keep advancing her (alleged) agenda as if she were sociopathically inclined, vs. recognize the error of her ways and apologize like a normal, decent person.

    Just my .02.



    -Halla74
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
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  8. #8
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    She could be a limerence addict and that phase of the relationship is probably coming to its natural end.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    She might have anxious-avoidant attachment, which would explain the hyper-clingy honeymoon period, and then the totally unexpected yet also totally non-dramatic push to end the relationship.

    Wants a close relationship, gets it & is happy for awhile, then gets anxious over even trivial separation from the partner, and then after many months of this suddenly reunites with the inner urge to not be controlled and walks away in peace, only to re-enter a temporary of period of equilibrium as a single person, and then start the cycle all over again once the "Next-Ex-Mr. Right" emerges from the ethos.

    I doubt she's a psychopath. I didn't read anything about constant lying, repeated cycles of being nice and then being abusive, or repeated attempts at making your Bro feel sorry for her.
    Psychopaths don't have to be violent, however they are all liars, and they all have a propensity to prey on the unwitting for nothing more than their own amusement.
    Psychopaths are incapable of feeling fear, and thus do not respond to punishment. Your brother has not punished her, and thus she's had no clear opportunity to keep advancing her (alleged) agenda as if she were sociopathically inclined, vs. recognize the error of her ways and apologize like a normal, decent person.

    Just my .02.



    -Halla74
    Yeah, I am pretty sure she is not a psychopath. From what I saw she is very sensitive most of the time, and was a very devoted girlfriend.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    She might have been having doubts for awhile but just let things cruise until she came to a final decision.
    As an INFJ, can you relate to the situation?

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