This is extremely interesting. I'm trying to figure out if I'm Fi/Ne or Ni/Fe myself and I can certainly can relate to much of what both you and your SO are experiencing, Werebudgie. It sounds a little like you perceive Ni to be something that you experience totally outside of your own active iteration (like you are passing through it), and yet you can withdraw from it or leave its realm. You control it more, or are able to control it more, it seems like. Fi with your SO, however, is something that she herself iterates, but she is tethered to it (that which she creates) more than you are bound to Ni (that which you do not create). Just some musing...feel free to correct me if I am wrong.