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  1. #1
    Junior Member The Last Texan's Avatar
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    Unhappy ENFP Male + ISTJ female What to do?

    Im a guy ENFP and have been best friends with a female ISTJ for several years. We hangout all the time, usually just me and her and we can talk about anything and usually do, and she basically understands who I am. She never really wants to do anything with other people, just me and were great as friends. I dont know anyone else who can "talk" like us. I really like her and she knows this but doesnt show any affection back. I would do anything for her, I care so much, more than Ive ever felt for anyone else. She knows all this but doesnt seem to care. Its obvious she cares about me as a friend but I want to know how to get to her heart.

    I need help, I dont know what else to do.
    My empty heart can be filled by only one girl

  2. #2
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    Is there a chance that she has some other issues - besides ISTJ - which might be hindering some sort of response to your feelings? I have recently realized that regardless of type, past history can play a huge role in what a person may or may not be capable of showing.

    It sounds like your relationship is great, so perhaps she is just being nice and sticking with you as a friend because that is what makes her happy. Whatever is happening, rejoice in the friendship and embrace your feelings. It will sort out eventually.

  3. #3
    Junior Member The Last Texan's Avatar
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    Thats the thing, she doesnt have any past issues or anything (we talk for hours lol)


    Do istj's in general go for looks more or "personality"
    My empty heart can be filled by only one girl

  4. #4
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    From what I know, ENFP and ISTJ are supposed to be a "Conflicting" relationship but that isn't true in your case. Either this chart Complete relationship chart between psychological ("personality") types is bullcrap or you or your friend aren't typing yourselves correctly. N's and S's are supposed to have different communication styles as well from what I know, so that leads me even further to the conclusion that your friend is really INTJ instead of ISTJ. ENFP-INTJ relationship is supposed to be "Supervisee-Supervisor", you being the one supervised.

    I dunno though, research compatibility and your type/your friends type and see what needs to happen for you to build ontop of your relationship.

    Edit: I fail.
    Last edited by Didums; 07-16-2008 at 04:10 AM.

  5. #5
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    Well, let me ask you this: Have you tried to make a move on her or have you shown her physical affection before?

    I know physical affection is really really hard for me to show even if I like/love someone a whole lot. Really, the other person has to take the iniative...and frankly, it's best to be completely direct and tell her how you feel. ISTJ's don't like to take big risks, and emotions are one of the biggest risks to overcome. You really have to break into our "comfort zone." Don't try to smother her, but do subtly touch her (like the small of the back when you open a door for her), touching her arm, or holding her hand. If she really likes you, this might make her a little uncomfortable at first, but she will likely be intrigued and will secretly really enjoy it (I know I do).

    Trust me, if she's hanging out with you all the time, you can be pretty sure she's interested, but she's probably scared of ruining the friendship etc.

    I was in a position like yours, but with an INTJ a few years ago...if he had taken the initative I would have been his in a second. The thing is, even though I knew I could trust him completely and I knew he cared about me, he never vocalized his feelings toward me or showed me physically. I think both of us were scared to make the move...so the opportunity passed.

    Anyway, one of my best friends is an ENFP male, and we get along wonderfully as well!

    Good luck!

  6. #6
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Hey Last Texan, are you part of the Texan 'Look at my guns?' Brotherhood? There is an ENFP (Sexist) and ISTJ (ArbiterDewey) male in that real life group of friends and apparently they get along.

    I'm also good buds with an ISTJ (we're both queer females) and we get along well.

    The key is having ISTJ and ENFP nudge and provide the motivation/catalyst for things the other wouldn't normally do themselves. That's the beauty of the relationship if it works well.

    I agree with Recoleta. You have to be pretty upfront and ask the girl out or declare your feelings for her and tell her what you would like from her/your relationship. Can't wait around for ISTJ to make the first move!
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  7. #7
    Senior Member IEE623's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Didums View Post
    From what I know, ENFP and ISTJ are supposed to be a "Conflicting" relationship but that isn't true in your case. Either this chart Complete relationship chart between psychological ("personality") types is bullcrap or you or your friend aren't typing yourselves correctly. N's and S's are supposed to have different communication styles as well from what I know, so that leads me even further to the conclusion that your friend is really INTJ instead of ISTJ. ENFP-INTJ relationship is supposed to be "Supervisee-Supervisor", you being the one supervised.

    I dunno though, research compatibility and your type/your friends type and see what needs to happen for you to build ontop of your relationship.

    We're talking about MBTI here, not Socionics. Introverted types in Socionics supposed to switch their last letter to match with their MBTI types (eg. INFj in Socionics is INFP in MBTI, because INFJ in MBTI is NiFe while INFp or IEI in Socionics is also NiFe)
    So ENFP-ISTJ in MBTI is actually a Duality relationship.
    "Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters"

  8. #8
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Well, my ISTJ friend seems to be quite a fan of the socially acceptable smooth pretty boy types, but she seems to fall for ExxPs in real life.

    And just go for it. We're both extremely subtle in our "hints" and we think we've make a bold statement by doing something that can easily be interpreted as a normal gesture.

    Total opposites are always difficult to make work, but you won't know unless you try.

  9. #9
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Concurred with Recoleta. We're just cautious SOB's. Emotions and affection can be a difficult thing for us to let loose with. Just because we might seem stand-offish as far as physical affection goes, that doesn't mean we are opposed to it necessarily.

    We're fairly matter of fact and we don't like things left to ambiguity and sometimes it takes more than a pat on the back for us to get the message and know what the other person is feeling. Like Recoleta said, it's a consistency in those small acts that will help to reassure. I don't know to what extent you've showed physical affection towards her but I think the easiest way to get an assessment on her feelings is going to be for you to ask her straight forwardly. If she knows what your intentions are and she shares alike feelings, it should make things more comfortable. If she isn't in the same boat as you, you might just scare her away. But no pressure of course.

    Go get her, Tiger!


  10. #10
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    Oh, ENFP - ISTJ... Been there. It was nice at first, then everything kinda turned downhill.

    I fully advise going for it, if it doesn't work it will teach you something. I found that after that relationship my view towards the world is much more humble. It definitely matured me.

    Beware of getting too intense or emotional, it tends to confuse any IxTx most times. Also, don't try to be forceful with conversation, they're cautious and easily confused, as we are a constant enigma to them.

    Go for it! Honestly, it's pleasant. Just be wary.

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