Hey guys. Sorry to bother you but --
You see there's this INFJ girl that I used to be (relatively) close to. We were classmates for two years and we only really got close in the latter half of the year. We chatted everyday for a month or so and I think she enjoyed talking to me. I, however, realizing that I was starting to like her -- started to lose my easy ENFP "charm" (if you could call it that for lack of a better descriptor) and started being all awkward around her. Things began to go downhill and I think I wore her down with my neediness.
So we didn't talk for like a few weeks or so before she responded to an email that I sent out a long time ago and talked about serious stuff -- while adding a "How are you?" and talking about how she has been for the past few weeks (stressed out and all that over the exams) and it really made my day. In the time spent away from her, I started to lose the enormous attachment that I have of her (seriously I would wake up in the middle of the night and fear that she disliked me, even as a friend) and things began going well again.
I teased her and she reciprocated. We had this easy friendship going on and it was really so comfortable. And she started letting her hair down with me and spamming me through texts (which was previously only what I did to her) and I really liked it.
And guess what -- the cycle repeated itself. I, in a fit of Ne-Fi induced stream of consciousness, sent something insensitive like calling her "insane" and "overtly paranoid" (it was meant to be a joke but I think my unconsciously insensitive side came across) and she started being distant to me yet again. I asked another INFJ and she said that she could have put up her defenses once again to shield herself from the hurt.
And I felt really bad about it and stopped talking to her for another few weeks until prom night. I was sitting around her and being awkward -- I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with her but yet I wanted so badly to make things right and to be good friends again -- and eventually plucked up the courage, when everyone else were gyrating like madmen on the dance floor, to ask her outside to take a nice commemorative photo of our time together. And she smiled in that beautiful way and agreed without a second thought.
I don't know if she's still mad (or if she's mad in the first place she refused to talk about it when it happened) and some of my friends think I'm overthinking but I really don't think I am. And I'm scared of texting her again because I don't want this volatile cycle to repeat itself over and over and over again... causing me a lot of grief and heartbreak.
I want to be friends (and hopefully hopefully in the future maybe something more) and yet I'm scared of talking to her. I'm scared of myself and of what mean things I can unconsciously say. I'm scared that she'll hate me and not want to be friends with me any longer. And I won't see her anymore since she's heading abroad to study and that our time as classmates (and maybe even friends) has ended. I was never really in her clique, after all, and asking her out to hang out would be weird.
What should I do now? Should I take the plunge and initiate engagements yet again (knowing how passive she is I'll probably have to wait 500000000 years for her to initiate another mail)? Should I just treasure the beautiful friendship that we had and move on?
I know, deep down, I really want to talk to her.