[INFJ] Questions for INFJ's

[EJCC]

I emailed INFJ to reassure her about something, but I think I did poorly. On the other hand I had a shitty day so I'm going to analyze everything I did as terrible.

Deleted the rest of this post, which included the content of the email, because I don't want or need any more criticism today.

Ignore this post please. I'll post an actual reply later.

 

[Fidelia]

Aw, EJCC, what makes you so sure that anyone will have unkind things to say about how you did? Hang in there, my dear!

 

[Norrsken]

We won't judge. We know that what ever mistakes you've done will not tell the whole story of who you are as a person, [MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION], and so far, you read to me that you are a very kind, intelligent, and thoughtful boss who's trying her best to reassure the INFJ to the best of her ability. But yes, please, take some time for yourself!

 

[EJCC]

Sorry for being dramatic.

We won't judge. We know that what ever mistakes you've done will not tell the whole story of who you are as a person, [MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION], and so far, you read to me that you are a very kind, intelligent, and thoughtful boss who's trying her best to reassure the INFJ to the best of her ability. But yes, please, take some time for yourself!

INFJs are so good at that, what you just did. I'm hoping that INFJ supervisee will understand if any of my mentorship is clumsy, for the same reason that you just understood me.

Aw, EJCC, what makes you so sure that anyone will have unkind things to say about how you did? Hang in there, my dear!

Not "unkind" necessarily, but I would have interpreted it as such. I've offended everyone in this thread the past two times I've come in here. Plus: shitty day.

Anyway. This is what I wrote to my INFJ supervisee (whose job I had before she was hired and I was promoted).

Hey (INFJ),

To add onto what I said after our call this afternoon:

You are doing an awesome job. Literally everyone in your position has something like this happen on a regular basis. It is the nature of the job, not just you, to either not be given information or to miss information due to human error. I was in exactly the same boat as you when I was 3-4 months in. Maybe even more so than you regarding details.

I can't say don't worry about it or don't stress about it, because feelings don't work that way. Just know that you're doing fine and your supervisor has your back.

Cheers,
(EJ)

 

[Fidelia]

That's great!

 

[Norrsken]

That doesn't look rude or offensive to me. I would be ecstatic if my boss would send me an e-mail like that.

 

[Forever]

Why do you INFJ fairy folks have such mystical worldviews and magical ideologies?

Because fairies live in magical worlds.

By your friendly neighborhood fairy,
Forever

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

[MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION] I'm late to the discussion, but I can't see anything in your email that could possibly offend anyone. If I sent an email like that and someone was offended, I would give up on trying with that person altogether.

I only know a sliver of information about your questions with the supervisee, but a general issue with introverts is that they can seem uncomfortable in a variety of situations, which can be interpreted as a negative response. I feel uncomfortable a lot and can send off non-verbal signs that could be misread, but it doesn't mean anything except that I'm an introvert, so something like that could be playing a role here?

 

[Fidelia]

From what I can see, you have a good sense of how to interact well with Infjs. Not only that but you are consciously aware of some of your differences, so i think if you just be yourself and convey as much info as you can, you should be good to go.

 

[EJCC]

Follow-up question before I reply to folks in more detail (hopefully tomorrow). If it's recommended that I open up, at least to the point of filling in the gaps and leaving less to the INFJ's imagination, when I'm feeling strongly about something... what if the thing I'm feeling strongly about has to do with my own work? Or something personal?

I'm going to post about my work in more general terms in my blog soon, but the general gist is that most people in my department have a strong 3 fix and/or 1 fix and therefore appear perfect, accomplished, and invulnerable -- so I don't really have a good precedent for how to show any emotions at all, in a professional way. I've asked around, and the agreement is to do your own thing, but I don't know what my own thing should be -- or at least what the best way would be to do my own thing without making my supervisees uncomfortable.

 

[Fidelia]

Why would you doing your own job make them uncomfortable? The kind of info I'd advocate sharing would have to do with their performance. You don't have to spill everything.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Follow-up question before I reply to folks in more detail (hopefully tomorrow). If it's recommended that I open up, at least to the point of filling in the gaps and leaving less to the INFJ's imagination, when I'm feeling strongly about something... what if the thing I'm feeling strongly about has to do with my own work? Or something personal?

I'm going to post about my work in more general terms in my blog soon, but the general gist is that most people in my department have a strong 3 fix and/or 1 fix and therefore appear perfect, accomplished, and invulnerable -- so I don't really have a good precedent for how to show any emotions at all, in a professional way. I've asked around, and the agreement is to do your own thing, but I don't know what my own thing should be -- or at least what the best way would be to do my own thing without making my supervisees uncomfortable.

I know we are both speaking from general terms, but it those kinds of environments, the best emotion I know to express are compliments. I watch for any positive detail in others and try to compliment them. It can take on some emotional expressiveness with smiling and it can be genuine. It is too complex to express vulnerability in those environments, so emotions related to strengths is the best option.

 

[iwakar]

Sorry for being dramatic.


INFJs are so good at that, what you just did. I'm hoping that INFJ supervisee will understand if any of my mentorship is clumsy, for the same reason that you just understood me.


Not "unkind" necessarily, but I would have interpreted it as such. I've offended everyone in this thread the past two times I've come in here. Plus: shitty day.

Anyway. This is what I wrote to my INFJ supervisee (whose job I had before she was hired and I was promoted).

I wish my boss was like you!

 

[EJCC]

Why would you doing your own job make them uncomfortable? The kind of info I'd advocate sharing would have to do with their performance. You don't have to spill everything.

Sorry, I must have misinterpreted you and [MENTION=20829]Hard[/MENTION]. I interpreted this...

This is very true. Eliminating the guesswork about YOUR feelings is tremendously helpful for Ni-Fe folks, both for not arriving at incorrect conclusions due to lack of info, and also in reducing the emotional noise so they can properly focus on the situation at hand. I teach a lot of adults and find that their emotional noise level is especially high when around new people or when learning something where they can screw up and look bad. It really messes with their ability to take in information, or accurately assess their own performance.

... as meaning that I should actually clarify my feelings if I end up "leaking" emotions in a stressful way. I get this when it comes to INFJ friends and family. Not so much coworkers.

 

[Fidelia]

Oh no, I just meant more as a general maintenance thing. As long as Ni Fe folks know where you're at with them generally, they can attend to their own work much more efficiently and also feel safer being more open with you. Thanks for clarifying!

Though I suppose if your tone or manner is much different than usual, most INFJs would feel reassured to know if it's them or other circumstances that have induced it. At least for me, having too many possibilities hanging in the air is much worse than knowing something bad. I think I referred to it once with a friend as "panicky extrapolation".

 

[EJCC]

Follow-up: apparently INFJ supervisee... just... wasn't... bothered by it?

Thanks, (EJ)! I regard all of this as part of the learning process, and since it is all new to me, I haven't been that hard on myself. Obviously, I'm taking notes and trying to manage things the best I can. In the future, I'll try to be more aware of processes or things that seem 'fuzzy' or unclear so that I can ask questions about them before it gets to this point...especially now that I'm back down to one job!

-(INFJ)

(she had been doing between 1.5 and 2.5 jobs for a while there, due to staff turnover!)

 

[Fidelia]

Does that appear to you like you were more worried than you needed to be, or are you surprised that she is not more upset by making a mistake because it seems to be a lack of investment?

 

[EJCC]

Does that appear to you like you were more worried than you needed to be, or are you surprised that she is not more upset by making a mistake because it seems to be a lack of investment?

I, personally, am VERY sensitive to criticism when it's given in high volume and without praise to balance it out. My INFJ supervisee had received a whole lot of criticism at once, and if I were her, I would have been bothered by it, as would most of the INFJs I know.

Then again... e1 vs. e6?

 

[Fidelia]

Could be a couple of things:

1. If in her head she was doing a decent job considering she was new and was doing more than one job at a time, I think it wouldn't have the power to be as scary. For INFJs often (and I can't speak for her), we get more worked up when we doubt ourselves due to something unexpected someone else has said or something has confirmed our worst fears about ourselves. It's not just negative comments that do it, if a lot of comes as no big surprise or if they are things we already know need work. It's more when we start being unsure of our perceptions that it is distressing.

2. She might just be good at looking more detached than she feels.

3. Maybe enneatype. I honestly don't know enough about that to feel like I have a very informed opinion.

4. If she feels like she has the means and knowledge to go ahead and fix whatever is a problem, it will be much less problematic in her mind, and therefore less threatening.

5. If she doesn't associate her own identity with the job and it's merely a way to make money, it might not be as upsetting if she is bad at it.

 

[á´…eparted]

Sorry, I must have misinterpreted you and [MENTION=20829]Hard[/MENTION]. I interpreted this...



... as meaning that I should actually clarify my feelings if I end up "leaking" emotions in a stressful way. I get this when it comes to INFJ friends and family. Not so much coworkers.

Oh, no no, just in general. I mean if you leak in a noticable way, then sure if it seems important to do so. I meant as a way to clarify as a way to maintain open and honest communication as INFJ's value that.