[INFJ] Questions for INFJ's

[Thessaly]

Thanks. I think you are right. I just can't believe the extent of his delaying and excuse making. It's a new level of wtf for me.

 

[Thessaly]

When you're into someone, you make time for them, regardless of obstacle. This is particularly true for NF's. From your form of writing, I'm getting the hint that you haven't met up with him yet since moving in. Please correct me if i'm wrong. What he's giving you is nothing more than excuses. He seems confused as how to go about this (through guilt or fear of hurting you) and doesn't know what he wants by evidently biding his time.

If he does come back, and makes some lame excuse, such as losing his phone, then know who and what you're dealing with.

I usually warn others by telling them that it's important to drive the speed limit when courting, or it'll just end up crash and burn.

Meaning?

 

[Eluded_One]

Meaning?

I believe that getting too serious too fast don't pan out very well. In my opinion, relationships that start out as friends usually last the longest. And there are less surprises... like cutting you off without an explanation.

 

[Thessaly]

Cutting people off without an explanation is actually extremely childish behaviour. I have not ever done that to anyone. I will simply tell the person I prefer them as a friend or that they are wonderful, but I would prefer not to pursue anything. This whole ignoring/disappearing thing is really immature Fe and not acceptable in adult interactions. If you are a grown man I expect you to respect me enough to be honest with me about your intentions whether or not I will like them. No one actually carries on about being rejected after high school, unless they are totally psycho. It's a pretty straight forward and efficient process.

Also, since when is meeting up with another person a second time moving too fast? That's just dating for christ's sake. How else are you ever supposed to get to know someone who isn't a work colleague or second cousin? I mean, really. I would think that if you connected with someone enough to want to jump their bones and then had a really great time doing it, that you would want to explore getting to know them better a bit and if you were concerned about moving too fast you would just communicate that like...ummm...a normal person?

I hear what you're saying but I just think in this instance it's making excuses for lacking emotional maturity and proper communication skills.

 

[yeghor]

Cutting people off without an explanation is actually extremely childish behaviour. I have not ever done that to anyone. I will simply tell the person I prefer them as a friend or that they are wonderful, but I would prefer not to pursue anything. This whole ignoring/disappearing thing is really immature Fe and not acceptable in adult interactions. If you are a grown man I expect you to respect me enough to be honest with me about your intentions whether or not I will like them. No one actually carries on about being rejected after high school, unless they are totally psycho. It's a pretty straight forward and efficient process.

Also, since when is meeting up with another person a second time moving too fast? That's just dating for christ's sake. How else are you ever supposed to get to know someone who isn't a work colleague or second cousin? I mean, really. I would think that if you connected with someone enough to want to jump their bones and then had a really great time doing it, that you would want to explore getting to know them better a bit and if you were concerned about moving too fast you would just communicate that like...ummm...a normal person?

I hear what you're saying but I just think in this instance it's making excuses for lacking emotional maturity and proper communication skills.

Perhaps he "isn't" a grown man or even worse is a psycho. Why would you wanna pursue a relationship with someone like that?

 

[Thessaly]

I think I've just grown frustrated with F men being intimidated and freaked out by me. I don't get it. Yes, I'm forward and initiate. I like to do things. Let's go have fun. I'm not going to get attached to you unless that is your aim and you pursue it in a consistent ongoing, direct, and open fashion. I've been dating for a decade now. I get how compatibility works. I understand it takes awhile to get to know someone. I know that people change their minds. I know that people change. Life goes on. Que sera. Maybe we'll learn something from each other. Maybe we'll end up just friends. Or maybe we'll just forget about each other easily and not think much of it.

I'm not secretly planning to destroy you. I'm not secretly plotting babies with you. You know what I'm thinking about at any given point in time? Food. Sex. Career. Oh, you too? Okay, well good. We're both human. Stop being weird about it. Everyone is deeply programmed towards their own evolution and to adapt to change. It's patronizing when you think someone's life will be interrupted if you decide you're no longer interested. It's weird when you take it upon yourself to be responsible for another person's feelings when you were never hired for the job. Dear F men everywhere: the only thing an intelligent and confident women will ever expect of you when engaging her is to not feign interest. That's straight up weird yo. If you keep running into situations where you're not being authentic and leading people on with vamped up charm or doing some weird hot and cold dance, do some reflecting please, because you're a narcissist.

/NFJ rant

 

[Thessaly]

And just to be clear "/NFJ rant" meant that was a rant directed towards NFJs, although all of that can apply to all F men. NFJs have historically fucked with me though. I have never had these sorts of issues with T men.

 

[Thessaly]

Perhaps he "isn't" a grown man or even worse is a psycho. Why would you wanna pursue a relationship with someone like that?

He is a grown man though and not a psycho. He runs a really damn successful creative agency. You would recognize his work in very prominent commercials and film. When someone shows competence in one area of life I give them the benefit of the doubt it extends to other areas. Deductive reasoning. Not always the most solid logic though.

 

[Thessaly]

Also, I want to add that I am not actually mad at this guy and I wish him well. I would be perfectly civil with him should I see him again.

It's not nice being lied to. It can be frustrating to say the least.

 

[yeghor]

He is a grown man though and not a psycho. He runs a really damn successful creative agency. You would recognize his work in very prominent commercials and film. When someone shows competence in one area of life I give them the benefit of the doubt it extends to other areas. Deductive reasoning. Not always the most solid logic though.

Love is not always reciprocated. It hurts but there's not much one can do about it.

Wait and see if he contacts you.

 

[Thessaly]

Love is not always reciprocated. It hurts but there's not much one can do about it.

Wait and see if he contacts you.

I don't love him! I just wanted to get to know him a bit better and have more marathon sex. This is all besides the point. The point is I don't like being led on. I told this guy I was fine if he didn't want to see me again to which he enthusiastically replied he did and was genuine. That's messed up. It clearly wasn't true.

 

[yeghor]

I don't love him! I just wanted to get to know him a bit better and have more marathon sex. This is all besides the point. The point is I don't like being led on. I told this guy I was fine if he didn't want to see me again to which he enthusiastically replied he did and was genuine. That's messed up. It clearly wasn't true.

Wait and see. He'll contact you if he's really interested.

 

[Thessaly]

Wait and see. He'll contact you if he's really interested.

Why would I wait to see if someone who is ignoring me is actually interested? So I can continue to be subjected to their confusing dance of mediocre interest? That doesn't feel good. I like men who make me feel awesome. That's it. No exceptions

 

[reckful]

"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone."

― Blaise Pascal, Pensées​

 

[Thessaly]

"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone."

― Blaise Pascal, Pensées​

Pardon?

 

[reckful]

Never mind. I'm pretty sure Pascal was a T.

 

[yeghor]

Why would I wait to see if someone who is ignoring me is actually interested? So I can continue to be subjected to their confusing dance of mediocre interest? That doesn't feel good. I like men who make me feel awesome. That's it. No exceptions

You cannot force it.

 

[Thessaly]

I'm pretty sure Pascal was ridiculously reductive.

 

[Thessaly]

You cannot force it.

Yes, I know. I am impotent. My feminine wiles have failed me. Excuse me now while I go find someone who is interested enough to allow my influence.

 

[EcK]

"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone."

― Blaise Pascal, Pensées​

Them starving children, could never sit quietly in a room by themselves!