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[INFJ] Questions for INFJ's

Julius_Van_Der_Beak

Up the Wolves
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Hmmm...


mole22.jpg
 

greenfairy

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My personal philosophy is that the person with the weaker preference should defer to the person with the stronger opinion.
I tend to take this approach as well.
 

greenfairy

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How do you know if someone is an INFJ or an ISFJ? ISFJs can be really oblivious to the outside world, right?
There are two people I wonder this about; but the types are way different. I'm way different than my mom anyway. It can be hard to tell from the outside. INFJ's are sometimes oblivious to the outside world. ISFJ's notice all kinds of details about the world- but boring (and sometimes useful) factual stuff, whereas INFJ's will notice sensory details (which ISFJ's sometimes miss). INFJ's tend to be more cerebral, thinking about abstract ideas and patterns. ISFJ's sometimes have their own brand of magical thinking, like being into ghosts and psychic stuff. ISFJ's can be more vulgar. INFJ's have a way of seeming like they aren't quite comfortable being physically present in the world, but ISFJ's seem to be pretty solid. ISFJ's are not as psychologically complex. They probably talk more than INFJ's. Also my mom can be kind of a bad judge of character, but she's not bad at figuring out what goes on in people's minds. She often assumes the worst though, or will go on some tangent which is out of character for the person. INFJ's are good at knowing who people are and what kind of a person someone is, but may not respond appropriately. They both have their own special brand of paranoia. Inferior Ne vs. Ni.
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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Thank you so much for your answers, all. Will respond in more detail when I can.

Follow-up question: Is this essentially an attempt to sacrifice your feelings for harmony and/or The Greater Good? Trying to put myself in your shoes, I probably would have shared my feelings and tried to work out a solution that didn't make me feel like a bad person. Not that this is a "better" route, as it could potentially lead to conflict, and it might make the person concerned that I would remain frustrated later -- whereas with you folks, in a perfect world, no one would ever know your feelings on the subject?


I tend to take this approach as well.
:yes: Saves so much decision-making time. Very efficient! Plus, no hard feelings in the end.
 
I

Infinite Bubble

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Do you feel more traditionally right- or left-brained?

Don't say whole-brained!
 

cafe

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Thank you so much for your answers, all. Will respond in more detail when I can.

Follow-up question: Is this essentially an attempt to sacrifice your feelings for harmony and/or The Greater Good? Trying to put myself in your shoes, I probably would have shared my feelings and tried to work out a solution that didn't make me feel like a bad person. Not that this is a "better" route, as it could potentially lead to conflict, and it might make the person concerned that I would remain frustrated later -- whereas with you folks, in a perfect world, no one would ever know your feelings on the subject?
In a perfect world, I wouldn't be a petty, selfish prick and doing the right/kind thing would always make me feel good. IOW, I want so much to think of myself as a good person, etc that accepting that I feel so strongly about such a small thing is pretty mortifying. I tend to keep hoping it will go away and feel ashamed when it does not. It'd be like admitting you're physically attracted to Donald Trump. Of course you don't want anyone to know that about you. :laugh:
 

Eilonwy

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Follow-up question: Is this essentially an attempt to sacrifice your feelings for harmony and/or The Greater Good? Trying to put myself in your shoes, I probably would have shared my feelings and tried to work out a solution that didn't make me feel like a bad person. Not that this is a "better" route, as it could potentially lead to conflict, and it might make the person concerned that I would remain frustrated later -- whereas with you folks, in a perfect world, no one would ever know your feelings on the subject?

I think it's much more complicated than just an attempt to sacrifice personal feelings for harmony and/or The Greater Good, although I think it's possible to convince oneself that that's what's going on. I'm not sure you want the long (loooooong) answer from me, though, so I'm working on whittling it down.

As for your second question, about "in a perfect world no one would ever know your feelings on the subject", um, have you seen my blog? ;) In my perfect world, I would immediately know my own feelings on the subject, and I would be sure to convey them in a responsible and respectful manner. There might be a lot of compromise, but very little sacrifice.
 

OptoGypsy

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Hey I made an offensive joke and the INFJ I like heard it, got offended by it and won't talk to me. How do I redeem myself? The joke was What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? The punchline was "You can't peanut butter your dick up someone's ass."
 

cafe

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Hey I made an offensive joke and the INFJ I like heard it, got offended by it and won't talk to me. How do I redeem myself? The joke was What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? The punchline was "You can't peanut butter your dick up someone's ass."

You could try this or one or both of these:


 

OptoGypsy

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You could try this or one or both of these:


I know the joke is stupid and that most females will find it offensive so I'm taking the responsibility for her feelings but how do I get her to talk to me?
 

cafe

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I know the joke is stupid and that most females will find it offensive so I'm taking the responsibility for her feelings but how do I get her to talk to me?
Here's the thing about females. They are people and they have autonomy. There is one person whose actions you can control and that person is not her. It is you. If you can sincerely apologize (which I doubt) maybe it will work. I don't really blame her if you're going to say stuff you know people find offensive (while believing their feelings are not valid) and you think of women as this collective entity called "females."
 

LonestarCowgirl

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I know the joke is stupid and that most females will find it offensive so I'm taking the responsibility for her feelings but how do I get her to talk to me?

Don't sweat it, just be yourself, but definitely do move on to someone more on your level that appreciates your humor... or lack of. :newwink:
 

OptoGypsy

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Here's the thing about females. They are people and they have autonomy. There is one person whose actions you can control and that person is not her. It is you. If you can sincerely apologize (which I doubt) maybe it will work. I don't really blame her if you're going to say stuff you know people find offensive (while believing their feelings are not valid) and you think of women as this collective entity called "females."


Even though my most sincere bone in my body is my dick I do use my mind to think and care for my actions: I'm not stupid enough to think that women are dependent on men and I do find peoples feelings valid even if I don't fully understand them. You most find the Census and other surveys to be offensive since they put women as a collective entity called Females.
 

Siúil a Rúin

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Thank you so much for your answers, all. Will respond in more detail when I can.

Follow-up question: Is this essentially an attempt to sacrifice your feelings for harmony and/or The Greater Good? Trying to put myself in your shoes, I probably would have shared my feelings and tried to work out a solution that didn't make me feel like a bad person. Not that this is a "better" route, as it could potentially lead to conflict, and it might make the person concerned that I would remain frustrated later -- whereas with you folks, in a perfect world, no one would ever know your feelings on the subject?.
When I'm around other people I start to internalize their feelings and perspectives as well as mine and view all of it almost like a disembodied entity. I'm not grounded in my own psyche or ego the way most other people are. In this way I'm not making some great sacrifice for the "Greater Good", but it even seems irrational to me to over-value my own feelings or perspectives when I'm just another person like everyone else. I've taken it too far in my own life though as a result of being around people with greater needs and stronger feelings and ideas than myself. At this point I actually go blank when in a group and asked what I desire, and I just give over to consensus. If it isn't something I can tolerate then sometimes I'll end up quietly leaving.

I have a very deep desire to connect with a few people and be seen and understood. It is extremely difficult for me to venture out to describe a feeling on a subject because I fear it won't be understood. I end up having strong feelings of longing towards people I think might understand me, and a nurturing, but personally distanced feeling to other people (of course there are degrees of both). Being heard might mean almost everything to me, but because I spend so much time observing and analyzing the ideas and assumptions of other people, I almost never expect to be heard even if I speak. I find it conserves energy immensely to not often share my preferences and feelings, but it would be ideal to be able to do this.
 

cafe

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Even though my most sincere bone in my body is my dick I do use my mind to think and care for my actions: I'm not stupid enough to think that women are dependent on men and I do find peoples feelings valid even if I don't fully understand them. You most find the Census and other surveys to be offensive since they put women as a collective entity called Females.
If the census assumed things about me based on my sex, then, yes, I think I might find that offensive.

You can't get anyone to do anything, including talk to you. That's what I meant by autonomy. You can ask them to do things and hope that they comply. In your situation, if a sincere apology does not work then maybe a change in your behavior that can be observed over time?

It is kind of offensive to assume you know specific things about people because of their gender. I'm guessing you wouldn't like to be lumped in with all men and have things assumed about your preferences based on the fact that you have a dick (despite its sincerity). That's what I mean about a collective entity.

To assume that your joke offended her because she is female . . .
 
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