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  1. #81
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Question #3:
    Ok so I was checking out at Target (bought some gray yoga pants) and there was a person ahead of me, so I got distracted by the magazines. I can't remember if I put my stuff on the counter or not- probably not. I didn't look like I was in line, but I thought I was since I was waiting. When the person got done and the register opened up I saw the woman behind me move for it- after a moment of decision making I jumped in front of her. She only had 2 items (like I did) so it was pushing it (if she'd had 5 or more I wouldn't have felt bad and if she'd had 1 I would have let her go), but I thought it was ok. I paid quickly. I heard her complain to the cashier that I had cut in line ahead of her. I explained I was here but just waiting and looking at magazines; I don't know if they understood. In the future I plan to make sure I put my stuff on the counter and then get distracted. Is that the right thing to do? Was I rude? Do other INFJ's do stuff like that, or do you always know the right protocol in any social situation?

  2. #82
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    @greenfairy What happened to you has never happened to me. However, I have bought stuff and walked out of the store and left it or got home and discovered a bag was missing. Once I paid for gas and forgot to pump it because I had one of those spaced out moments where I was off in another world.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  3. #83
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I have paid for both groceries and gas and tried, sometimes successfully, to leave without them.

    And I hate those misunderstandings where I know I'm following 'the rules' but it doesn't look like I am and I look (and feel) like a jerk at the same time I feel justified in my actions. Icky feels when that happens, but I think it's unavoidable unless you have zero self-awareness or are a complete doormat.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #84
    [boulder][bolder] EJCC's Avatar
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    INFJ is my "church buddy" on Sundays. I ask if it's okay to start inviting other folks along who are part of our campus church group. She says yes, enthusiastically.

    Months later, her roommate lets slip that INFJ thought I "ruined her tradition". INFJ gets mad at roommate, acknowledges that now she feels like I "like the other people better". INFJ is probably exaggerating a bit about ruining/preference but clearly would rather that it just be the two of us again.

    I stop inviting other people to church besides her, to make a point of bringing the tradition back around. I mention it to the INFJ in the hopes that she'll be pleased. She replies with "No! It's totally fine that they come! Really. "

    Do I assume that she's trying to be accommodating, go with my gut, and keep doing what I'm doing, against her direct advice? (I'm pretty sure that's what I should do but I'm on this thread just to make sure)
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  5. #85
    Senior Member Hypatia's Avatar
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    @EJCC
    So basically you expanded the group? Was it a bringing in new members thing, or something else?

  6. #86
    [boulder][bolder] EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hypatia View Post
    @EJCC
    So basically you expanded the group? Was it a bringing in new members thing, or something else?
    Yeah. From the beginning I'd been advertising my church trips on the group Facebook page. It just so happens that for years, it was just the INFJ who regularly came. (Once and a while people would come with us, a few weeks in a row, but they'd always stop eventually.)
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  7. #87
    Vulnerability Eilonwy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    INFJ is my "church buddy" on Sundays. I ask if it's okay to start inviting other folks along who are part of our campus church group. She says yes, enthusiastically.

    Months later, her roommate lets slip that INFJ thought I "ruined her tradition". INFJ gets mad at roommate, acknowledges that now she feels like I "like the other people better". INFJ is probably exaggerating a bit about ruining/preference but clearly would rather that it just be the two of us again.

    I stop inviting other people to church besides her, to make a point of bringing the tradition back around. I mention it to the INFJ in the hopes that she'll be pleased. She replies with "No! It's totally fine that they come! Really. "

    Do I assume that she's trying to be accommodating, go with my gut, and keep doing what I'm doing, against her direct advice? (I'm pretty sure that's what I should do but I'm on this thread just to make sure)
    First, yes, your friend probably is exaggerating the ruining/preference when looked at realistically; however, her feelings probably are genuinely that strong. That's what it feels like to her. That's the reality that she's experiencing. Her perspective.

    If it was me, I would probably be conflicted between wanting it to be just me and my friend, and wanting my friend to be happy. I wouldn't know how to prioritize, and would keep wavering back and forth. I've actually felt something similar with my best friend. She would come to Florida with her family and we would get together at Disney. Part of me wanted to have time together, just her and I, because we hadn't seen each other in so long. It was easier to have intimate talks if I had her whole attention. But part of me realized that she has a family that she needs to pay attention to. This was easy for me to prioritize, because, well, family.

    So, I'm going to suggest doing something that I have a difficult time doing myself, so it's "do as I say, not as I do" advice. Talk to her. Instead of her trying to guess what will please you and you trying to guess what will please her, talk it out.
    Johari / Nohari

    “That we are capable only of being what we are remains our unforgivable sin.” ― Gene Wolfe

    reminder to self: "That YOU that you are so proud of is a story woven together by your interpreter module to account for as much of your behavior as it can incorporate, and it denies or rationalizes the rest." "Who's in Charge? Free Will and the Science of the Brain" by Michael S. Gazzaniga

  8. #88
    [boulder][bolder] EJCC's Avatar
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    @Eilonwy

    Thank you for the reply. I figured her feelings were that strong -- which is why I stopped inviting other people.

    I hesitate to talk it out with her, because I see these two things happening:

    1) INFJ tries to be accommodating and tell me that she's fine either way. I don't believe her.
    2) I tell her I'm fine either way and would be happiest doing whatever doesn't make her feel hurt. She doesn't believe me.

    Can you see that barrier being broken? If so, I'll take your advice and try it. Thank you again.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  9. #89
    Senior Member Hypatia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Yeah. From the beginning I'd been advertising my church trips on the group Facebook page. It just so happens that for years, it was just the INFJ who regularly came. (Once and a while people would come with us, a few weeks in a row, but they'd always stop eventually.)
    @EJCC
    This is what I would do.


  10. #90
    [boulder][bolder] EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hypatia View Post
    @EJCC
    This is what I would do.

    Helpful. Thank you.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

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