fidelia said (also quoted later in this post): "INFJs do tend to try to skirt these vulnerable feelings by trying to control their environment and other people's approach to them".
I suspect you're right about the approval-seeking aspects. That may be why she is Fe-guarded with me?
So, thank you for this insight.
I suspect the trouble will be not coming across as too awkward when I listen, because I've known INFJs to be deterred by that awkwardness.
I think you're right, and that's a big part of why I supervise/mentor the way I do. If you actually listen, and pay attention, then it's not hard at all to be a halfway decent and attentive manager. I guess the problem is that a lot of people don't care. A lot of people are managers because their job requires that they be managers -- not because they enjoy managing. In contrast, I love managing, and it's probably my favorite part of my job. So it makes me sad to hear about shitty, uncaring, one-size-fits-all managers.
Below: helpful things that I have no response to other than that they were very helpful, and thank you. I bolded the especially interesting/new (to me)/noteworthy things to remember for later.