@EJCC, I'm going to guess it's something like Eilonwy said about being conflicted about whether or not what *I* want should really matter. I know it's aggravating to put up with, but for what it's worth I think it's even more aggravating to be this way. It's confusing to think "Well if my friend wants to invite other friends along, then that's what I want her to do"....and then to have negative *feelings* suddenly appear. Imagine brushing a feather against your skin, and instead of it feeling like you think it will (soft)- it feels like sandpaper instead. There's this "Wait.....what??" thing that happens. Those negative feelings seem to come from nowhere, and it feels like they shouldn't be there because "If we don't both want it to be just the two of us, then I don't want that either" seems like a reasonable enough resolution. So when it feels totally different than we think it will, there's just a bunch of confusion about whether the disappointed feelings (that believe it or not, really do come as a surprise) are reasonable or not.
I'm not sure what to do about it. If I think of something I'll come back and share.