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Thread: INTP + ENFJ = ?

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    Default INTP + ENFJ = ?

    To the ENFJs:

    Do you find yourselves drawn to the Introverted Thinking types, especially INTPs? Why so / why not?

    What is the best (and worst) you can see in a ENFJ - INTP relationship, especially romantic ones?
    Jeder nimmt die Grenzen seines Horizontes für die Grenzen der Welt“ -- Arthur Schopenhauer

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    OK...anyone who is not an ENFJ?....Your take on this?
    Jeder nimmt die Grenzen seines Horizontes für die Grenzen der Welt“ -- Arthur Schopenhauer

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    If it's long-term, the ENFJ will likely get stuck with a fair amount of the practical, boring, routine stuff. May also have to get used to leaving the INTP partner at home while socializing. Though it probably depends on which gender is which type, unless both partners are the same gender. I dunno. I only know how things are for myself and my male INTP partner and we're middle aged, so there's that. And I'm an INFJ not an ENFJ.
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    It can work if the ENFJ can adjust to the INTP and vice-versa. Instead of trying to get the INTP to open up and become the "best they can be," just be receptive to and supportive of them when they start that journey. Don't be annoying/controlling. Work something out so everyone's needs are met. And be honest with yourself. If what's worked out won't be satisfying to you (sometimes you have to try it and see), then it is what it is. And the INTP has to deal with socializing more and social formalities, but that should be fine (even enjoyable) as long as it doesn't become excessive or impose on their ability to pursue their solitary activities. Definitely INTPs tend to not be the best at (or the most desiring to do) the Judger stuff like organizing and keeping on track, but they'll probably be happy to provide support and affection if you do it (if you bring up the fact that you need it). They probably won't be able to do it as frequently as an extrovert or a feeler, but you'd be lying to yourself if you said it wasn't good enough. And then it's about you being open to rolling with the whim of the INTP. When they relax and get comfortable in a relationship (or maybe before) you'll notice they are very spontaneous, goofy, playful, etc. They aren't always serious. I would mention something about sex, but that shouldn't be a problem here, unless there is a gross mismatch in libido. It's usually more of a problem with ESFJs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    If it's long-term, the ENFJ will likely get stuck with a fair amount of the practical, boring, routine stuff. May also have to get used to leaving the INTP partner at home while socializing. Though it probably depends on which gender is which type, unless both partners are the same gender. I dunno. I only know how things are for myself and my male INTP partner and we're middle aged, so there's that. And I'm an INFJ not an ENFJ.
    Do you often deal with the thought that your partner may be too «lazy» or «uncaring» to deal with both routine and social affairs?
    Jeder nimmt die Grenzen seines Horizontes für die Grenzen der Welt“ -- Arthur Schopenhauer

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    Quote Originally Posted by CapLawyer View Post
    It can work if the ENFJ can adjust to the INTP and vice-versa. Instead of trying to get the INTP to open up and become the "best they can be," just be receptive to and supportive of them when they start that journey. Don't be annoying/controlling. Work something out so everyone's needs are met. And be honest with yourself. If what's worked out won't be satisfying to you (sometimes you have to try it and see), then it is what it is. And the INTP has to deal with socializing more and social formalities, but that should be fine (even enjoyable) as long as it doesn't become excessive or impose on their ability to pursue their solitary activities. Definitely INTPs tend to not be the best at (or the most desiring to do) the Judger stuff like organizing and keeping on track, but they'll probably be happy to provide support and affection if you do it (if you bring up the fact that you need it). They probably won't be able to do it as frequently as an extrovert or a feeler, but you'd be lying to yourself if you said it wasn't good enough. And then it's about you being open to rolling with the whim of the INTP. When they relax and get comfortable in a relationship (or maybe before) you'll notice they are very spontaneous, goofy, playful, etc. They aren't always serious. I would mention something about sex, but that shouldn't be a problem here, unless there is a gross mismatch in libido. It's usually more of a problem with ESFJs.
    Interesting...so, in typology-speak...would it be an issue of the ENFJ 'extraverting' that Ni and the INTP 'working out' on that Ne so that they become more congenial in the long run?
    Jeder nimmt die Grenzen seines Horizontes für die Grenzen der Welt“ -- Arthur Schopenhauer

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    FWIW, my ENFJ friend has this flirtatious interaction style with INTPs where they're constantly taking jabs at one another and debating various topics. It's fun to watch.
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    Quote Originally Posted by LUBUS View Post
    Interesting...so, in typology-speak...would it be an issue of the ENFJ 'extraverting' that Ni and the INTP 'working out' on that Ne so that they become more congenial in the long run?
    I dont understand what you just said. Explain.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    FWIW, my ENFJ friend has this flirtatious interaction style with INTPs where they're constantly taking jabs at one another and debating various topics. It's fun to watch.
    Interesting. Do they get along? I thought this jabbing back and forth was with INTPs and ENTJs, because ENFJs tend to be too easily hurt. When ENFJs take "jabs" at me, they tend to be annoying (trying to get some emotional rise/reaction out of me) and I do not enjoy it. Flirtatious sounds good, as long as it's out of respect or some sort of friendliness, infatuation, or curiosity, rather than because they see the INTPs as some sort of pet.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CapLawyer View Post
    I dont understand what you just said. Explain.
    I mean...you could say that a relationship between these two types wouldn't work in the long term, because their temperaments are very different (Fe vs. Ti). However, the ENFJ, for all the tendency of imposing order on the world, could project the Ni (introverted) outwards, causing a Ne-effect, so to speak. On the other hand, mature INTPs can deal quite well with external world affairs by means of Ne. Then, both types could interact using a perceiving function very similar to a dominant Ne (though it wouldn't be dominant in neither case), instead of dealing with the friction between the very conventional Fe and the very independent Ti.

    Personally, I find myself enjoying the company of the rare ENFJs I encounter ...I often mistake ENFJs for ENFPs...only much later do I realize that we usually have quite pronounced differences in perceiving and taking decisions.
    Jeder nimmt die Grenzen seines Horizontes für die Grenzen der Welt“ -- Arthur Schopenhauer

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    FWIW, my ENFJ friend has this flirtatious interaction style with INTPs where they're constantly taking jabs at one another and debating various topics. It's fun to watch.
    Flirtatious? How so? Does the INTP correspond?
    Jeder nimmt die Grenzen seines Horizontes für die Grenzen der Welt“ -- Arthur Schopenhauer

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