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Thread: INTP + ENFJ = ?

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by CapLawyer View Post
    Interesting. Do they get along? I thought this jabbing back and forth was with INTPs and ENTJs, because ENFJs tend to be too easily hurt. When ENFJs take "jabs" at me, they tend to be annoying (trying to get some emotional rise/reaction out of me) and I do not enjoy it. Flirtatious sounds good, as long as it's out of respect or some sort of friendliness, infatuation, or curiosity, rather than because they see the INTPs as some sort of pet.
    They get along in a snarky sort of way if that makes sense. Although "easily hurt" isn't something I'd use to describe her. I think she's always very calm and level-headed, awesome in crisis situations (mostly because she knows how to delegate), while still being engaging and playful. Then again she's a 9w8, maybe she's not as emotionally up-and-down as the 2w3 sort of ENFJ that people think of more when they hear ENFJ.

    Quote Originally Posted by LUBUS View Post
    Flirtatious? How so? Does the INTP correspond?
    Like teasing and being sarcastic with each other. Poking fun at each other. And so on. It's hard to describe.
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by LUBUS View Post
    I mean...you could say that a relationship between these two types wouldn't work in the long term, because their temperaments are very different (Fe vs. Ti). However, the ENFJ, for all the tendency of imposing order on the world, could project the Ni (introverted) outwards, causing a Ne-effect, so to speak. On the other hand, mature INTPs can deal quite well with external world affairs by means of Ne. Then, both types could interact using a perceiving function very similar to a dominant Ne (though it wouldn't be dominant in neither case), instead of dealing with the friction between the very conventional Fe and the very independent Ti.

    Personally, I find myself enjoying the company of the rare ENFJs I encounter ...I often mistake ENFJs for ENFPs...only much later do I realize that we usually have quite pronounced differences in perceiving and taking decisions.
    In INTP + ENFJ interactions, the INTP is usually in the disadvantaged position. So how well these relationships work depends more on the health (and experience) of the ENFJ than the INTP, though the INTP has to be sufficiently healthy as well (but they don't have to be as healthy as the ENFJ). If both the INTP and the ENFJ are of average health, then the relationship may start in any number of ways (neutral, sour, wonderful), but will eventually go sour. Usually if the INTP is happy, then the ENFJ will be complaining that their needs aren't being met, and if the ENFJ is happy, then the INTP will be miserable. If the ENFJ is sufficiently healthy, then, again, this is not a problem. This is more relevant for relationships and maybe close friendships than anything else. If the INTP and ENFJ are just acquaintances where there are very little expectations, then things simplify greatly.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by CapLawyer View Post
    If the INTP and ENFJ are just acquaintances where there are very little expectations, then things simplify greatly.
    Very true. I think both will be happy with this situation, more often than not.
    Jeder nimmt die Grenzen seines Horizontes für die Grenzen der Welt“ -- Arthur Schopenhauer

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    Quote Originally Posted by LUBUS View Post
    Do you often deal with the thought that your partner may be too «lazy» or «uncaring» to deal with both routine and social affairs?
    Not really anymore. When it was more of an imbalance of workload (by my perception) I did. Though not the social stuff so much. OTOH, he was probably feeling as overwhelmed as I was and we were both pretty young. I used to try to encourage him to stay in touch with his parents, etc but they are not particularly nice to me so eventually I stopped, because screw them.

    Now the division of labor is more in my favor (by my perception) and I don't mind doing most of the routine stuff. Social stuff pretty much does not register at all, since I don't have much of a social life right now myself. But when I do do social stuff, I don't mind leaving him at home. If he's miserable, so am I. He tolerates getting together with my relatives a few times a year, etc. And we have date time Sharpied into our weekly routine. That's enough for me for right now.

    It's funny because when we have to talk to people at stores and stuff, I usually try to intercept them because I know he does not want to talk to them and I don't mind so there is no reason he should have to deal with the irritation. Usually it's okay, but sometimes people will decide I'm henpecking him or that he makes the decisions (because he has a penis) and attempt to bypass me. That irks us both and they deserve what they get.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Not really anymore. When it was more of an imbalance of workload (by my perception) I did. Though not the social stuff so much. OTOH, he was probably feeling as overwhelmed as I was and we were both pretty young. I used to try to encourage him to stay in touch with his parents, etc but they are not particularly nice to me so eventually I stopped, because screw them.

    Now the division of labor is more in my favor (by my perception) and I don't mind doing most of the routine stuff. Social stuff pretty much does not register at all, since I don't have much of a social life right now myself. But when I do do social stuff, I don't mind leaving him at home. If he's miserable, so am I. He tolerates getting together with my relatives a few times a year, etc. And we have date time Sharpied into our weekly routine. That's enough for me for right now.

    It's funny because when we have to talk to people at stores and stuff, I usually try to intercept them because I know he does not want to talk to them and I don't mind so there is no reason he should have to deal with the irritation. Usually it's okay, but sometimes people will decide I'm henpecking him or that he makes the decisions (because he has a penis) and attempt to bypass me. That irks us both and they deserve what they get.
    Hm....note to self...check out those INFJ ladies...yeah.
    Jeder nimmt die Grenzen seines Horizontes für die Grenzen der Welt“ -- Arthur Schopenhauer

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    Quote Originally Posted by LUBUS View Post
    Hm....note to self...check out those INFJ ladies...yeah.
    Definitely. It's very common for INTPs to end up in happy (important!) relationships with INFJs, especially in their older years. This is usually after failed relationships with other types (ISFJ being the most common). Obviously you can't just assume that someone will be great for you just because they are INFJ, but with common sense applied, the odds seem to go up.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LUBUS View Post
    Hm....note to self...check out those INFJ ladies...yeah.
    He works over fifty hours a week and I don't work outside the home, do his laundry, make his lunches, or cook very often. And I spend a lot of money on books and a moderate amount of money on clothes. But I usually taxi the kids, pay the bills, wash dishes, clean (though not very often), handle school stuff and doctor appointments, etc. He takes out the trash most of the time and we do repairs together. Except when they require power tools. He doesn't like those, so he tells me what to do but I handle the tools. And we buy groceries together. And we do the lawn together if we can't pay someone else to do it and it's about time for the city to send us a notice. So there are pros and cons. And, of course, not all INFJs are like me.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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    Quote Originally Posted by CapLawyer View Post
    Definitely. It's very common for INTPs to end up in happy (important!) relationships with INFJs, especially in their older years. This is usually after failed relationships with other types (ISFJ being the most common). Obviously you can't just assume that someone will be great for you just because they are INFJ, but with common sense applied, the odds seem to go up.
    Statistically, if I remember correctly, INFJ females are usually the least happy in their romantic relationships and the partners of male INTPs are the least happy. I don't know what that means, except that both types must kind of suck at relationships or something.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Statistically, if I remember correctly, INFJ females are usually the least happy in their romantic relationships and the partners of male INTPs are the least happy. I don't know what that means, except that both types must kind of suck at relationships or something.
    Does it mean that INTPs tend to make INFJ ladies even unhappier?
    Jeder nimmt die Grenzen seines Horizontes für die Grenzen der Welt“ -- Arthur Schopenhauer

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by CapLawyer View Post
    Definitely. It's very common for INTPs to end up in happy (important!) relationships with INFJs, especially in their older years. This is usually after failed relationships with other types (ISFJ being the most common). Obviously you can't just assume that someone will be great for you just because they are INFJ, but with common sense applied, the odds seem to go up.
    Why do you suppose / how do you know those failed relationships that usually with ISFJs?
    Jeder nimmt die Grenzen seines Horizontes für die Grenzen der Welt“ -- Arthur Schopenhauer

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