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  1. #11
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Thanks for the feedback, guys.

    I tend to very much feel inadequate when I'm unable to keep going, especially when I promised to be there. I prefer, like @OrangeAppled stated, to do the 'be there for them' to rebalance then, and be on standby if they need another hug or something, but longterm stuff is...hard.

    I have atm a very dear friend who was suicidal and is atm combatting depression which...takes its toll. And he has been improving immensely since the beginning - which was about 6 months ago. But I find myself very much run down when he is having a bad week and slides back to his dark state. In that regard, he seems like an emotional vampire, but he is in need of that energy atm, and is actively trying to regain his footing - and succeeding in his progress, I have to say.

    Aside from that, I get overwhelmed by inbox issues. Mail, phone calls, Facebook messages, even on here...when I get into partaking in the forum and have fun in too many threads and then have too many responses coming in I just...run. I flake. It costs me oodles of energy to answer them and get in the right mental state as I'm exhausted from the emotional roller coasters they often contain. And I cannot seem, for the life of me, to regulate that somehow. I'm just wondering if there is something I'm missing here, and how others cope with this I guess. If they are clearly urgent, or important to the other person, I try to force myself to buckle down, but I'll admit to failing at this miserably at times.

    As a result, I can avoid phone calls and other inboxes coz I just..don't wanna know what's in them.

    Am I the only one?
    @bold, No... no you are not alone in this at all. I sat reading your post cringing in my seat because I am totally all of this same thing. I seem to have two modes: super enthusiastic sx dom yay for social contact and fun!! and then the "oh god, I have 4 different emails to check and reply to... and I need to update this and that for my business and my personal self... and oh god someone just texted me" and I shut down and runaway.

    And then the spiral of shame hits.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Abbey's Avatar
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    Nov 2012
    MBTI
    INFP
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    4w3 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
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    Being inclined to other people is not something I have to work at or waste energy on. It is my natural state. It takes energy to deal with matters that do not involve other people.

    No one really constantly needs to depend on me, thank goodness. The ones who do demand a lot of attention get easily annoyed by my depth and intangibility.

    Side note: I hate that being deep is considered a good thing. Surgeons do not need to be deep, they need to be competent and calm. Firemen do not need to be deep, they need to be fast and efficient. Sometimes my depth gets in the way (actually a lot of times).

    I'm sure there is at least one contradiction in what I just wrote.

  3. #13
    RDF
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Thanks for the feedback, guys.

    I tend to very much feel inadequate when I'm unable to keep going, especially when I promised to be there. I prefer, like @OrangeAppled stated, to do the 'be there for them' to rebalance then, and be on standby if they need another hug or something, but longterm stuff is...hard.

    I have atm a very dear friend who was suicidal and is atm combatting depression which...takes its toll. And he has been improving immensely since the beginning - which was about 6 months ago. But I find myself very much run down when he is having a bad week and slides back to his dark state. In that regard, he seems like an emotional vampire, but he is in need of that energy atm, and is actively trying to regain his footing - and succeeding in his progress, I have to say.

    Aside from that, I get overwhelmed by inbox issues. Mail, phone calls, Facebook messages, even on here...when I get into partaking in the forum and have fun in too many threads and then have too many responses coming in I just...run. I flake. It costs me oodles of energy to answer them and get in the right mental state as I'm exhausted from the emotional roller coasters they often contain. And I cannot seem, for the life of me, to regulate that somehow. I'm just wondering if there is something I'm missing here, and how others cope with this I guess. If they are clearly urgent, or important to the other person, I try to force myself to buckle down, but I'll admit to failing at this miserably at times.

    As a result, I can avoid phone calls and other inboxes coz I just..don't wanna know what's in them.

    Am I the only one?
    Sounds like a good description of every average ENFP in the world, and quite a few INFPs as well (since they both have the same two top functions).

    I don't know if a functional approach is going to work for you, but I'll throw some brainstorming at you and see what sticks:

    Ne is an ad-hoc tool-making, problem-solving function. Since it's externally-oriented (extraverted), it's almost a knee-jerk reaction: Someone throws a problem at you, and you start Ne-ing solutions and quick fixes for that problem.

    Okay, now add in your Inferior function: Si is a function for noting details, making comparisons, and turning them into rules and systems. How does that affect your Ne? Well, Ne is already knee-jerk, externally-oriented, ad-hoc. Si makes it even worse by grabbing at every little detail going by in the world around you and trying to pull them into some kind of grand system (or conspiracy) for purposes of Ne-ing a solution. You do that even when you're not particularly stressed or anything; Si is always there lurking in the background.

    It's that latter part that's killing you: The Ne-ing is fun, but you get overwhelmed by Si-ing waves of details and the needs of people in the world around you. That is, your Inferior Si gets a bit out of control and takes in too much, which then puts Ne into overdrive.

    In a way, it would be better if you could use Se as your Inferior, instead of Si. That's because Se is more ad-hoc. It doesn't see details as part of a larger system; instead, it sees details as something to be sorted out individually, dealt with individually, and then disposed of individually.

    But you don't have Se as your Inferior. You have Si. So what do you do?

    Make Si work for you instead of against you. Create an Si system for filtering details, assigning priorities, and discarding low-priority details. Si is all about systems, and it can be used to create systems for categorizing, storing, and fast-tracking some things while putting other things on hold. IOW, think of yourself like a secretary sorting paperwork and putting it in different boxes according to importance. Come up with some system of your own for handling your affairs in life similarly.

    And don't forget your Auxiliary Fi. Prioritize some time for finding out who *you* are and who *you* might become if you weren't so busy chasing after other people's affairs all the time; figure out what would happen if instead you invested some of that time and energy into *yourself*.

    /INFP Aux Ne & Inferior Te

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