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  1. #1
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    Default Do INFJ's Ever Revisit Relationships?

    I started to type out some details from my situation with my ex, but I guess I'll just ask the basic question in the title for now. My ex and I are in sort of a peaceful place and in occasional contact at the moment. But despite time and other relationships, I still love him deep down.

    He has pushed me away at times but also made more contact and effort with me after I backed off emotionally. He made it clear in the past that we should move on, but I do wonder if he'd ever change his mind.

  2. #2
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    I am an INFJ, and very young, so I'm speaking with only a few relationships in my belt.

    Most of my relationships went awry and bad. I did not have any romantic interest in the girls once the relationship was over. That was that.

    I hear that when an INFJ has made his mind up about you, that's that. HOWEVER, I think if I REALLY liked someone and it was just a matter of bad timing or something of that nature, I could definitely rekindle the fire sometime down the road.

    But overall? I'd say just move on. He probably won't come back. Maybe, if things ended well with you guys, but probably not. Not enough of a chance to lose sleep over wondering 'what if?'

    With INFJs, I think it is hard for us to COMPLETELY forget someone that we had such strong feelings for. A part of an INFJ's heart will ALWAYS belong to a person like that. Even when an INFJ is happily married with a family, I think they will sometimes wonder "what if?" or "I wonder how she's doing?"

    But generally, when an INFJ's mind is made up, that's that.

  3. #3
    ndovjtjcaqidthi
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    If he "made it clear that you should move on", then I think it's over. But I mean, you're not giving me much to go on here. Don't get your hopes up though.

  4. #4
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    If he broke it off, he's probably done.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #5
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I make it a habit not to look back and I don't always have to feel like I've given a person or situation all possible chances. Life is too short and you have to work with the information that is available, even if it isn't always perfect or 100% accurate. I think INFJs can be pretty pragmatic and ruthless for NFs when it comes to relationships. Or I can, at least. Sometimes I feel a little sad, but I don't dwell on it. That way madness lies.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I make it a habit not to look back and I don't always have to feel like I've given a person or situation all possible chances. Life is too short and you have to work with the information that is available, even if it isn't always perfect or 100% accurate. I think INFJs can be pretty pragmatic and ruthless for NFs when it comes to relationships. Or I can, at least. Sometimes I feel a little sad, but I don't dwell on it. That way madness lies.
    Well, yes, that's very rational. I usually do the same thing...even down to not necessarily giving someone all possible chances. But I resolve one way or another and move forward. Somehow, with this situation, something is different.
    Last edited by CandyCane11; 12-03-2013 at 01:34 AM.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CandyCane11 View Post
    Well, yes, that's very rational. I usually do the same thing...even down to not necessarily giving someone all possible chances. But I resolve one way or another and move forward. Somehow, with this situation, something is different, or my normal NT process isn't working.
    Hey, just a quick chime in here, @ is likely right about this. If I move on it doesn't mean I no longer care for that person as an individual or want the best for them, but it does mean it will never be what it was and I'm not going back there. I can't speak for every INFJ but I can say that when I close the door on something and walk away, the door remains closed, no matter how politely I may respond to a knock. So, if he found the strength to say he was moving on, then he probably did.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  8. #8
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I make it a habit not to look back and I don't always have to feel like I've given a person or situation all possible chances. Life is too short and you have to work with the information that is available, even if it isn't always perfect or 100% accurate. I think INFJs can be pretty pragmatic and ruthless for NFs when it comes to relationships. Or I can, at least. Sometimes I feel a little sad, but I don't dwell on it. That way madness lies.
    This is quite wise, cafe. As usual
    RobertCalifornia: TL thinks im black
    RobertCalifornia: shes my homegurl
    Hive: arent you
    SpankyMcfly: wait... you arent?

    thoughtlost: I am not really religious. I just like getting free stuff from churches.

  9. #9
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CandyCane11 View Post
    I started to type out some details from my situation with my ex, but I guess I'll just ask the basic question in the title for now. My ex and I are in sort of a peaceful place and in occasional contact at the moment. But despite time and other relationships, I still love him deep down.

    He has pushed me away at times but also made more contact and effort with me after I backed off emotionally. He made it clear in the past that we should move on, but I do wonder if he'd ever change his mind.
    That uncertainty is going to drive you crazy even if you try to move on. Ask him if he thinks there could be a future for the two of you. If he says no, then you can move on in peace. Or at least, that's what I would do. Not knowing is the worst.
    RobertCalifornia: TL thinks im black
    RobertCalifornia: shes my homegurl
    Hive: arent you
    SpankyMcfly: wait... you arent?

    thoughtlost: I am not really religious. I just like getting free stuff from churches.

  10. #10
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    It really depends on whether his feelings are still unresolved (and you were giving him no space, so he needed to insist on some) or whether he has closed the door on the relationship (in which case, he will be nice but not interested in ever rekindling something). I think because it takes a lot to get to the latter point, once I am there, I would never consider going back. On the other hand, I have had people I've pined for after we've went our separate ways, more because there were unresolved questions that I needed answers for and the other person wasn't willing to talk. In those cases, it just takes a long time for my feelings to cool off to the point where it no longer matters one way or the other. I think that once I have the answers I need to make sense of the situation, I am quite decisive and not much of a piner.

    I do wonder about the being friends thing. It is possible that the INFJ doesn't want to slam the door shut just yet, but of course, I have no way of knowing what the dynamics between you were like.

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