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  1. #11
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Which cult was this, Qwan?

  2. #12
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    Which cult was this, Qwan?
    The same one you were in…JW…
    I think I told you before about my doubts on it's validity…now I know it's wrong…
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  3. #13
    ndovjtjcaqidthi
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  4. #14
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    The same one you were in…JW…
    I think I told you before about my doubts on it's validity…now I know it's wrong…
    Sorry for forgetting, yeah...

    I don't know what to say. THEY teach you to internalize blame. They want you to be useless outside of them. This is their legacy, don't let them have that.

  5. #15
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    Sorry for forgetting, yeah...

    I don't know what to say. THEY teach you to internalize blame. They want you to be useless outside of them. This is their legacy, don't let them have that.
    Thank you…
    Where do you find your comfort?
    Did you ever find a source of meaning?
    I'm in this weird limbo thing right now, and I need a base to build a philosophy off of something…

    I just don't like a world absolutely void of all meaning.

    I'm not sure where the meaning will come from, but I shall seek…
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  6. #16
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    Thank you…
    Where do you find your comfort?
    Did you ever find a source of meaning?
    I'm in this weird limbo thing right now, and I need a base to build a philosophy off of something…

    I just don't like a world absolutely void of all meaning.

    I'm not sure where the meaning will come from, but I shall seek…
    Ah.. yeah that's the tough part. It took nearly a decade for me to find a world-view that I was comfortable with. You're an ENFP, so you're going to have to just find out for yourself and see what feels right.

    It took a while to come up with some basic precepts to help me out. First of all, I decided that if God was a dick, then fuck him. Seriously, if the secrets of the universe are hidden like something in a Nicolas Cage adventure movie, screw that. If he exists, then he has to exist in a way that makes him a nicer person than I am, AT LEAST.

    This sets me up for the most important thing, my senses are to be trusted. If we can't know the truth by our own reasoning and experiences, then we are and will always be truly lost.

    Qwan, the whole 'no meaning' thing is scary, but it's something that I think you're going to have to ordeal through at some point, it's something to go through and come out of.

  7. #17
    Senior Member SubtleFighter's Avatar
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    I feel like missed out on so many things in life while I lived under the mind control of the cult. I feel like I am stripped of identity. I spent my whole life expecting to never have to grow old, and suddenly knowing I will grow old and die bothers me. I have deep guilt for the pain I caused as a child by spreading hurtful philosophies. I spent my entire life being informed of the pain around me, and being told that by converting others, I could stop that pain. Now, I see the pain and know there is no solution, or at least a practical one. It seems like I spend my life in a manic-depressive series of mood swings, several per day. I have no idea where to go…

    Is there any way to regain the childhood I lost?
    Hi Qwan,

    I know this is really painful. You sound exactly like I did two years ago.

    Like Qlip said, they've been molding you to not be able to live without them, and that's part of why it's painful to break away from them. But you can and will get through this and come out on the other side a happier, more content person. I have talked with many people who have felt similar things as to what you're saying, and they came out on the other side and have found more peace. I'm just telling you this to help you to have hope.

    It is ultimately up to you to find your own meaning. This is hard when you've had people forcing you your whole life to not think for yourself. But it's absolutely essential to do.

    Here are some things that I've come to understand, and you may end up disagreeing with me in some things, but I hope this helps you in some way:

    One thing I'll tell you is that the world is not perfect, not by a long shot. But it still has good in it. People are not as horrible or sad or depraved as the JWs want you to believe. And this is something that took me a while to learn and believe, but it's true--the world doesn't have to be perfect.

    I don't believe that there is an ultimate meaning to life or absolute truth. But that doesn't mean that life still can't have meaning for you. This probably sounds unsatisfactory when you're used to grandiose meaning. But it's all that's really true. I take comfort in doing things and hobbies that make me happy, in having relationships with the people I care about, in learning about knowledge that I never had before, and in trying to make the world a little bit better for the people around me. I'm not happy that I will die, but my goal is to be as happy as I can while I am alive. I believe it was a book by Richard Dawkins where he said that the chances of us even being alive in these particular gene combinations like we are now is so astronomically small. There are so many other possible human gene combinations that will never even be conceived. So I feel very lucky to be here. These are all my meaning.

    Here are some practical steps I think will help you:

    1) Realize that this is a process that will take years. I believe the average person in your situation takes about 3 years to feel like they have gotten settled into a new identity and their new surroundings. The hurt has accumulated over years, so it makes sense that healing it will also take years.

    2) Figure out a process where you evaluate what you believe or don't believe. This will greatly help you in forming a new identity. Different people have different methods of evaluating if something is true or not--try some out and see what works for you. For me personally, I read up on the scientific method, and I believe this is the best way we know of finding what's real. I also studied logical fallacies so that I know when someone has scanty logic. But some people believe that science isn't the best way. Think about all this.

    3) Make an outline, so to speak, about different things you need to figure out whether or not you believe in it, and then tackle them one at a time instead of feeling overwhelmed with feeling like you have so many things to figure out. Since you've already determined that you don't believe in the JW doctrine, that's one thing you can cross off the list. Maybe other things on your list could be a) does God exist, b) if so, what kind of God is he/she, c) is the Bible infallible, d) if not, is there a value in it, and so on. It is easier to do one thing at a time, and eventually you will build up a bunch of answers for yourself.

    4) Learn, learn, learn. It is hard to figure out what opinions you have about things if you don't have knowledge about them. It seems daunting, but you'll have to relearn a lot of things you thought you already knew. This will take some time. One thing you might do is make another list of things that you want to learn more about, and then go down the list and read a non-fiction book about each of those things. Or if it's more your style, stay on one of those topics and read a bunch of books about it until you feel like you've learned enough to move onto the next item on the list and then repeat. Some things in particular that you may benefit from learning more about are science/evolution, what other religions' real doctrines and practices are, learning the history of human civilizations from a secular historian's point of view, and learning logical fallacies. This will help you to figure out your identity and what you believe in because you will start to form opinions about what you are learning.

    5) Find support. Make non-JW friends. If it's possible, see a therapist to talk to face-to-face. Talk online with other ex-JWs or JWs who are coming out of the religion. One website where you can find a lot of people like this is http://www.jehovahs-witness.net. You could also try JW Recovery. Everyone on these forums has been through the same thing.
    "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."--Ambrose Redmoon

    . . . metamorphosing . . .

  8. #18
    Senior Member AzulEyes's Avatar
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    I recommend therapy.
    You cannot control what people put in your head whan you were a child. SO SORRY you were put through that. It sounds AWFUL.
    You are an ENFP- so I KNOW you KNOW that yesterday is dead and gone. It is never coming back. All that matters is TODAY. And the future is BRIGHT. Whoever was doing that to you- I'm assuming- is no longer in your life or has any control of your life. (Except these bad memories they left with you.)

    Are you going to allow them to continue to control your life?

    That is the question you must ask yourself.

    If you are ENFP- you have the resilience to say, "Screw This. They will NOT control my head for another minute. I'm taking back my life right here and right now."

    I know it is not easy- and I'm sure there is A LOT of Fi soul searching you need to do to figure out what YOUR values are since someone else's values were pummelled into your head- no fault of your own.

    You can do this.
    It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings

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  9. #19
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AzulEyes View Post
    I recommend therapy.
    You cannot control what people put in your head whan you were a child. SO SORRY you were put through that. It sounds AWFUL.
    You are an ENFP- so I KNOW you KNOW that yesterday is dead and gone. It is never coming back. All that matters is TODAY. And the future is BRIGHT. Whoever was doing that to you- I'm assuming- is no longer in your life or has any control of your life. (Except these bad memories they left with you.)

    Are you going to allow them to continue to control your life?

    That is the question you must ask yourself.

    If you are ENFP- you have the resilience to say, "Screw This. They will NOT control my head for another minute. I'm taking back my life right here and right now."

    I know it is not easy- and I'm sure there is A LOT of Fi soul searching you need to do to figure out what YOUR values are since someone else's values were pummelled into your head- no fault of your own.

    You can do this.
    Thank you.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  10. #20
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    The only way to move on is to forget. The only way to forget is to find something you enjoy doing enough that it stops your thoughts from re-visiting the negativity and the past. For me it is reading, and I find hope in the singularity especially. When I read things I like to read, my mind pretty much stays away from the painful topics and gets into the reading.

    Your mind dwells on what you spend your time doing. If you spend your time thinking negative thoughts, your brain will think even more about the negative thoughts and their consequences. If you spend your time doing what you like, your brain will begin to start thinking in those terms.

    Summer 2013 was a waking nightmare for me. Midway through I cracked and tried to get myself out of the hole. I would spend my time reading, and as I was doing so, sometimes terribly painful thoughts would arise, but I would go back to reading as soon as I could once it happened. In a couple months, those thoughts became less frequent and sharp and I was even able to be unoccupied without those painful thoughts coming up most of the time.

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