User Tag List

Results 1 to 3 of 3

  1. #1
    Senior Member TenebrousReflection's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INFp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    449

    Default Current relationship thoughs and stuff.

    For the last 2 weeks or so, my mind has been a bit of a chaotic mess (before that I thought I was close to feeling normal again) and its been harder and harder for me to relax and distract myself or to focus on my previous pursuit of exploring spirituality I tried to start on. I don't know if it will help or not, but sometimes writing and chatting about things is what I need to get back to normal again (normal for me, not that that is very normal to others ) so...

    (note:
    I may later have second thoughts about blogging the below words and may request them to be edited or deleted at a later date...)

    For the last 3-4 months, I've been in the just conversation stages of trying to start a new relationship and at several times, I felt a good connection to her on shared interests and values and that sort of thing, but now its approaching 5 weeks since I least heard from her and I'm at that "did I do (or not do) something to cause that" stage. Previously, 1 to 3 weeks between responses was normal, and upto 2 weeks was not much worry and that third week was an anxious moment, but after the third week had passed this time, I contacted an old friend to ask to talk about things and get her insights and such, but I've not heard back from her either, but shortly after that another friend asked me how things were going on the relationship search which opened up an opportunity to talk about that with her but I wanted her to have the insights into the complexity of the matter so I made a list of letters I'd sent for her to read and I've not had the chance to talk to her about it since then (but she did tell me she has read them just does not have time to chat about it in depth but encouraged me to move on (hmmm, not really encouraging from my point of view tho)).

    I'm not too comfortable sharing too much information on this in a public forum, but I feel like I've found someone who I could have a very good long term relationship with (yes, I know I've said that before, but this time I think most of my image of "what could be" is based off conversation and learnign about her than projecting my hopes and dreams on to her which I've made a consicious effort to not do this time (does not mean I've completey succeeded tho)). I've tried to communicate my hopes and desires to her, and think that I've done so, but she and I do not share the same immediate wishes as far as relationships go, and while I still feel I have reason to hope for the future with her, I don't see it being something that will happen very soon if it does whcih leaves me in the "what do I do now" position. I don't want to give up on what I think could be the best potential relationship I've found in many years, but I'm at a loss of what to do now based on lack of her recent responses.

    There is an upcoming sci-fi and gaming convention at the beginning of next month (August 2008) and both she and I are gamers, so if she decides to go to that, it may be an opportunity to meet and talk in a neutral/safe public spot that we would both be in a certain comfort zone (I have not directly brought up that idea to her, but will probably suggest somethgin liek that as the time draws closer). The other thing that concerns me here is if she does not plan to attend or does not let me know if she will/won't be there and I goto it and meet someone else there I'd still feel obligated to not enter a new relationship since I already told her of my hopes and it would seem like breaking an implicit promise if I were to even consider a new relationship at this time even if I found one by accident (and even if that happened, I'd feel like I'd forever have the "what could have been" thoughts of the current one to haunt me). Other than that, her past words gave me the impression she wants to wait til fall to give much serious thought to entering a relationship, but even then I don't really know if I am what she is looking for (of course I think I'd be a good match to her and nothign she has said to me has made me feel discouraged about that, but also nothign said has directly affirmed that longterm view on her part either).

    I would welcome sharing more and talking to others about this in PMs. I'll also respond and chat here too, but I'm more concerned about what I comment on and say in a public form here so responses may be vague and cryptic .

  2. #2
    Member cn1234567890's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    61

    Default

    "Other than that, her past words gave me the impression she wants to wait til fall to give much serious thought to entering a relationship, but even then I don't really know if I am what she is looking for (of course I think I'd be a good match to her and nothign she has said to me has made me feel discouraged about that, but also nothign said has directly affirmed that longterm view on her part either)."


    It sounds like you know everything you need to in that. Relationships and love are a risk! Be you and if it doesn't spark anything with her I guarantee there are other people out there. Just keep talking to her and have fun! I'm sorry if that's too general, maybe I don't have the whole picture as it is in public. But if you want more I am glad to help!
    MTBI:E/INFP...Socionics:ENFP...7w6 sx/so...Autonomy, Caution, Perceptiveness...


  3. #3
    Senior Member TenebrousReflection's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INFp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    449

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cn1234567890 View Post
    "Other than that, her past words gave me the impression she wants to wait til fall to give much serious thought to entering a relationship, but even then I don't really know if I am what she is looking for (of course I think I'd be a good match to her and nothign she has said to me has made me feel discouraged about that, but also nothign said has directly affirmed that longterm view on her part either)."


    It sounds like you know everything you need to in that. Relationships and love are a risk! Be you and if it doesn't spark anything with her I guarantee there are other people out there. Just keep talking to her and have fun! I'm sorry if that's too general, maybe I don't have the whole picture as it is in public. But if you want more I am glad to help!
    Although I was still at a loss as to what to say/do when so much time has passed without hearing back from her (after thinking about it I did rationalize that in my most recent past letter I did not ask any direct questions and she had in the past told me shes much more comfortable with direct questions and sometimes just can't think of things to say (I can relate to the mind blank / speechlessness notion as I occasionally suffer from that for prolonged periods as well), so maybe its as simple as that), what really prompted my concern was that after sharing thoughts and exchanges in more depth with another friend, her quick impression was that I should keep looking for someone else (which I've still not had the chance to talk about her recommendation in more depth to determine how/why she reached that recommendation). Because of that I'm left second guessing myself wondering if I'm completely blind to something that should be obvious, or if I simply did not give my friend enough detail for her to know how important this particular relationship possibility feels to me (althought I thought that should be self-evident from what I gave her to read). Since I've had others (including folks here on these boards) point out to me how I've overlooked things that should have been obvious before and only been able to see them after someone told me things bluntly I have to wonder at least a little if I'm being blind or delusional again...

    I don't see the harm in waiting a few months and trying to continue to take things slowly to let the answer to that reveal itself in time, but in that waiting time I know I'll keep asking myself questions like this. Sometimes it helps my thinking to just write whats on my mind like this, but sometimes thats not enough to quell the uncertainty inside. A lot of the time, the right answer is within us, and sometimes we just need to talk (sometime to ourselves, sometimes to others) to help find the right answer for the right moment...

Similar Threads

  1. [ISTP] ISTP Relationships, Love and Romance
    By grendiecat in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 72
    Last Post: 04-21-2015, 07:44 AM
  2. [INTP] INTP relationship patterns and how to break them?
    By bluebell in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 08-30-2012, 02:14 AM
  3. [Te] So when did death stop being sad and stuff!?
    By Wild horses in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 09-16-2009, 07:12 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO