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  1. #1

    Default How to find a balance between Ne and Si?

    This has been an issue for me lately. I feel like I struggle to find the balance between my needs for change, novelty, possibilities and freedom and my needs for stability, security and permanence. I hate things, that are constat and don't improove, or change and yet I am so scared when I do not know what will happen next and sometimes I almost panic relate on my past experiences and try to find the balance in something that wouldn't ever change. So I need change and yet it makes me feel so insecure... What to do?

  2. #2

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    Just learn to let go All you have are your actions and your principles and values. Once those are set into place, you're all safe

  3. #3
    Junior Member Istillbelieveinwheel's Avatar
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    Your question seems to stem from the need to control. Like above poster said, just let it go. I have felt the same way since summer and one thing I've learned so far is focus on prioritizing things. I had a lot in my mind, with lots of things to meet and maintain: how can I satisfy my need for expressing myself? How can I manage all the work ? How can I find time to contemplate in retrospect and practice art? I tried to find an answer that can fulfill all those questions and, you know what, I almost failed. It means I didn't get my work done, but I earned some time to travel and let loose. And Im really glad that I did.

    Prior to all those question, I had set a live-up-to-my-potential standard that was realistically unreachable. It has given me a new perspective on that standard; for now I believe living up to my potential means do my best without stressing myself out. Being ENFP, it's easy to get caught up in perfectionism. To sum up, I first suggest you set out priorities for things that satisfy both Ne and Si, and that you find manageable.

  4. #4
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Subscribed! I feel ya @Polly.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Istillbelieveinwheel View Post
    Your question seems to stem from the need to control. Like above poster said, just let it go. I have felt the same way since summer and one thing I've learned so far is focus on prioritizing things. I had a lot in my mind, with lots of things to meet and maintain: how can I satisfy my need for expressing myself? How can I manage all the work ? How can I find time to contemplate in retrospect and practice art? I tried to find an answer that can fulfill all those questions and, you know what, I almost failed. It means I didn't get my work done, but I earned some time to travel and let loose. And Im really glad that I did.

    Prior to all those question, I had set a live-up-to-my-potential standard that was realistically unreachable. It has given me a new perspective on that standard; for now I believe living up to my potential means do my best without stressing myself out. Being ENFP, it's easy to get caught up in perfectionism. To sum up, I first suggest you set out priorities for things that satisfy both Ne and Si, and that you find manageable.
    Traveling is my dream...I've been feeling like packing up my things and going somewhere else for at least sometime for a quiet while, but I can't do it as I have too much responsibilities here. But I try to find what is important for me, though sometimes I feel like everything will change, or will be destroyd somehow anyway, so why I should I fight for something, that won't last? Then I try to push off these thoughts, but sometimes they are seriously getting to me. :-/ .... Sometimes I feel jealous at people, that just can let go and don't think so far about the future. Sometimes it seems too hard for me to enjoy the simple things, 'cause I overthink much...

  6. #6
    Junior Member Istillbelieveinwheel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Polly View Post
    Traveling is my dream...I've been feeling like packing up my things and going somewhere else for at least sometime for a quiet while, but I can't do it as I have too much responsibilities here. But I try to find what is important for me, though sometimes I feel like everything will change, or will be destroyd somehow anyway, so why I should I fight for something, that won't last? Then I try to push off these thoughts, but sometimes they are seriously getting to me. :-/ .... Sometimes I feel jealous at people, that just can let go and don't think so far about the future. Sometimes it seems too hard for me to enjoy the simple things, 'cause I overthink much...
    Having too much responsibilities can make it hard to feel optimistic. May I ask what do you have to carry on your shoulder at the moment? An ENFP committing themselves to many things is like a gardener goes repair plumbing pipes instead of cultivating his plants. It goes again the nature. As most things are temporary, we must learn to appreciate the moment. I always remind myself that enjoying it while it lasts will be rewarding to my mind, although it might lead to nowhere.

    Perhaps the problem also lies in over-analyzing. As it creates sort of fear in your mind, and combining with that Ne are prone to not choose what ideas to project and expand, you keep sliding down to that valley, and finally you're in a rut. Have you tried using Te to articulate those thoughts and see whether or not they are really happening?

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Istillbelieveinwheel View Post
    Having too much responsibilities can make it hard to feel optimistic. May I ask what do you have to carry on your shoulder at the moment? An ENFP committing themselves to many things is like a gardener goes repair plumbing pipes instead of cultivating his plants. It goes again the nature. As most things are temporary, we must learn to appreciate the moment. I always remind myself that enjoying it while it lasts will be rewarding to my mind, although it might lead to nowhere.

    Perhaps the problem also lies in over-analyzing. As it creates sort of fear in your mind, and combining with that Ne are prone to not choose what ideas to project and expand, you keep sliding down to that valley, and finally you're in a rut. Have you tried using Te to articulate those thoughts and see whether or not they are really happening?
    Well I do not have more responsibilities, than anyone else my age, but they definitely hold me back from traveling. I am still at college and I try to complete my degree and just can't say "fuck ya all, I am going somehwhere else," though I would love to. I think the real problem is that over analyzation, that reall gets me into rut and stress, but I did not learn how to control it. I actually use a tons of Te and I try to logicalize and see objective everything around me, but it also destroys all my idealistic outlooks at world. When I look at life with Te it seems pretty cold to me and I look with Te all the time, I think I somehow prohibited myself using an Fi. Just everything around me has to be logical, because it makes me feel safe, but yet the logic seems too cold...

  8. #8
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    Maybe you want things to stay the same until you want them to change. Maybe you want some things to stay the same, and for the rest to be open and flexible. Maybe you care about having a house, car, etc (stable), but the freedom to explore various career choices and life. That's fairly common. You usually achieve that by temporarily giving up some freedom to acquire some assets, then you relax into the freedom and flexibility it buys you. You have to work it out so that you'll get what you need when it's all over. That said, the world is ever conspiring to make freedom and stability mutually exclusive, which is BS.

    As for me in college, I was able to say "screw everyone," because I worked it out. I had work done ahead of time, because I knew I'd procrastinate (so when I got the motivation, I wouldn't stop until I was ahead of the game). Classes were easy, so it was only a matter of time before I had 2-3 weeks of buffer, and could escape the college scene in favor of other interests. I also didn't try to finish everything (though it rarely mattered as everything got done), only the most important things. So that way, I'd never get stressed, because I knew I was always doing what really mattered.

    I don't commit myself to anything, and instead prepare my mind to take the flack for not being "reliable" or a "team player" (far from the truth). Everything I do is either necessary, or on the way out.

    Also, you have to decide which is more important, stable or Ne. Do the one that's more important first, and have the other work around the first. So, if you pick Ne and want to travel (if it's a serious thing versus just a random idea), then you know that you are going to travel, and the only question then is how you are going to make it all work (traveling while not messing up your grades). Eventually, you want to make the process of figuring out how to make it all work innate and easy so it doesn't seem like work when you have to do it, and so that it doesn't depress you. If you are at a point where stable is more important, then you know you are going to focus on school, and then you go from there.

  9. #9
    Junior Member Istillbelieveinwheel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Polly View Post
    Well I do not have more responsibilities, than anyone else my age, but they definitely hold me back from traveling. I am still at college and I try to complete my degree and just can't say "fuck ya all, I am going somehwhere else," though I would love to. I think the real problem is that over analyzation, that reall gets me into rut and stress, but I did not learn how to control it. I actually use a tons of Te and I try to logicalize and see objective everything around me, but it also destroys all my idealistic outlooks at world. When I look at life with Te it seems pretty cold to me and I look with Te all the time, I think I somehow prohibited myself using an Fi. Just everything around me has to be logical, because it makes me feel safe, but yet the logic seems too cold...
    What I meant by using Te is also trying to manage it. You don't have to justify everything around you, only those worries that you had in your mind. On the other hand, you my friend describe exactly what's been going on in my head. Do you have that special friend/partner that you can goof around and confide those inner struggles with? Personally I have yet to find one since most of the time I intimidated and overwhelmed people with so many ideas, then they seemed to realize keeping up with me was impossible.

  10. #10
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    So you are basically depressed?

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