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Thread: ENFJ problem

  1. #31
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Standuble View Post
    Did he bite back with negative and critical remarks afterwards?
    No, he jumps when I snap my fingers.

    Really though, he'll be like, "I'm honored you took the time to check those bands out!". He lays it on thick. That's usually how ENFJs do it. They also tell you they "see you" doing X or being a certain way, as some way to inspire you to "grow". Whenever they do this, I tell them to back me financially and I'll do it. But I really don't mind feeding the ENFJ ego because they are so charming .

    The real problem with the ENFJ (or MY problem with them) is when I DO express I like them, then they lose interest. As long as I'm not too interested, there they are....making me music playlists & gushing over me with compliments. But when I show I care, then they're off to charm some other girl who's harder to get.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #32
    Honeyed Water thoughtlost's Avatar
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    Hhmmm...

    For my (and mine no longer) INFP (I think, could be wrong), she was the forceful one with her interests. All she could ever talk about was her beloved musicians. I went along with it for a while (...a long while). I started to resent her strongly because I felt very much ignored. I thought she was the devil trying to destroy my soul (or turn my soul into a pretty, tame porcelain vase with which she could soil with her black and bloody roses).

    Usually, I like to enjoy my interests by myself. It's not that I won't share at all; I can and will share it with some. Still, I can't imagine a friend truly appreciating the music that I like (not that it's unique music or anything). But at times I can be quite selfish with my truly treasured music. (...I wish that there was another word for music that began with a T, lol).

    And I agree with OA's point. I don't feel comfortable when people show a lot of "ooie gooie" appreciation for me (even it is genuine); I understand that you can appreciate me without showing it. Honestly though, it puts too much on me and I don't like to see myself as someone who needs the "INTENSE" attention of another human.

    ...Just don't force me to listen to things THAT I CLEARLY DO NOT LIKE!

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    No, he jumps when I snap my fingers.

    Really though, he'll be like, "I'm honored you took the time to check those bands out!". He lays it on thick. That's usually how ENFJs do it. They also tell you they "see you" doing X or being a certain way, as some way to inspire you to "grow". Whenever they do this, I tell them to back me financially and I'll do it. But I really don't mind feeding the ENFJ ego because they are so charming .

    The real problem with the ENFJ (or MY problem with them) is when I DO express I like them, then they lose interest. As long as I'm not too interested, there they are....making me music playlists & gushing over me with compliments. But when I show I care, then they're off to charm some other girl who's harder to get.
    Hmm, I was like this when I was a teenager where I would somehow manage to charm a woman into being attracted to me (I blame the Ne) and then bail on them just vefore the point of no return/becoming suddenly indifferent. I had been attracted to them at the time however. I suspect this isn't really a type issue per se, they're probably just a bit immature: in their case they don't know or trust their own feelings. Older ones would be better in this respect. I don't think I know of any ENFJs myself though so I'm guessing sadly.

  4. #34
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Standuble View Post
    Hmm, I was like this when I was a teenager where I would somehow manage to charm a woman into being attracted to me (I blame the Ne) and then bail on them just vefore the point of no return/becoming suddenly indifferent. I had been attracted to them at the time however. I suspect this isn't really a type issue per se, they're probably just a bit immature: in their case they don't know or trust their own feelings. Older ones would be better in this respect. I don't think I know of any ENFJs myself though so I'm guessing sadly.
    Immature & not knowing his own feelings, perhaps. But I'm talking about a man in his mid 30s here... not a teenager. I have witnessed this in other ENFJs also.

    This is a non-issue now, as whatever silly crush I had on this ENFJ years ago was, well, years ago. Once I caught onto the push-pull dynamic (quite sure this is a 4w3 ENFJ also, a somewhat rare breed), I let go of my end of the rope.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #35
    Theta Male Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kfarb View Post
    Don't get me wrong, us Fi users can be pretty damn judgmental too, but it's in the "well *I* wouldn't do that" high-and-mighty sense instead of the "you shouldn't do that" outward expectation sense.
    In all seriousness, it was a breath of fresh air to have a Fi person come out and say this. I was wondering whether I should say something here to that effect or not, but you beat me to that.

    I have definitely, personally, IRL known INFPs and ENFPs to be judgemental, sometimes even excessively so. To attribute being judgemental solely to Fe is, quite frankly, at such massive odds with my own experience that I find it hard to believe how someone could even make such a claim.
    [Trump's] rhetoric is not an abuse of power. In the same way that it's also not against the law to do a backflip off of the roof of your house onto your concrete driveway. It's just mind-numbingly stupid and, to say the least, counterproductive. - Bush did 9-11


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  6. #36
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    To prevent this from becoming another thread where everyone complains about Fe-doms for judging them, I'll step in for the sake of my ESFJ bestie. I'll defend that girl to the end of the earth.

    She used to do this with me, I think it's up to how much time you spend around them. She used to think a lot of my beliefs, tastes, etc were weird but, being the ENFP I am, I was totally cool with that weirdness. I just responded with "well that's just me." Over time she got used to my straying off the beaten path and started to join in as well (one time we went around a Target wearing like 5 bras at once and panties on our heads). If you're just upfront about yourself and become close enough with them they'll totally accept you for who you are and appreciate your "weirdness." I think too often the initial "judginess" of ESFJs (and ENFJs) push them away from people who could actually be good friends with them an cause them to gravitate towards like-minded individuals. That isn't good because ESFJs can really benefit from being around different kinds of people - helps develop their Ne open-mindedness and makes them even more fun to be around when socializing.
    Yes, yes, yes. This has been my experience, only from the other side. My best friends have always been NFs. I would always be so embarrassed when they did things like this public and initially try to get them to "be normal" (whatever the heck that means). But eventually I would wear down and join and it would be fabulous.

    In my experience, my desire to cling to social norms has been rooted in fear of rejection. My criticism of other's behavior is often an attempt to feel more "normal" myself, not an attempt to change others. because despite my best efforts I don't feel like I fit in to social conventions myself.
    Friends, waffles, work

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