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Thread: ENFJ problem

  1. #21
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Standuble View Post
    Hmm don't Fe doms have a tendency to accept the social conscience and social values as the unquestionable and self-evident truth of things?

    You could try beating them at their own game. Make them feel they are falling short. Look one in the eye with a straight face and tell them that you are very disappointed in them.
    I think you have to be Fi-Dom to play this game.
    Fi indifference kills ENFJs. I have one ENFJ male friend who enjoys suggesting music. I indulge him there as he does have good taste. But I come back with honest reviews. If its not that great I tell him he is in danger of tarnishing his reputation. I express how unimpressed I am. Instead of me being "directed" it's more like he's working to please me.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I think you have to be Fi-Dom to play this game.
    Fi indifference kills ENFJs. I have one ENFJ male friend who enjoys suggesting music. I indulge him there as he does have good taste. But I come back with honest reviews. If its not that great I tell him he is in danger of tarnishing his reputation. I express how unimpressed I am. Instead of me being "directed" it's more like he's working to please me.
    Did he bite back with negative and critical remarks afterwards?

  3. #23
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    Double post.

  4. #24
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    I don't know, the first case sounds like ENFJ fail to me. If everything functioning right they should be very insightful and good at understanding other people's tastes and interests.

    Frankly, the person who pulls that crap on me the most is a ESTP. She's always telling me I would LOVE this or I would REALLY ENJOY this, and it's always ridiculously wrong. I stand there dumbstruck, thinking, "WTF?! No, I would not LOVE that, because it's the complete opposite of what I LOVE. How can you even say that?! Do you know anything about me at all?". Really what she's saying is, "this is what I LOVE, and I can't imagine the possibility that you would think differently". It's really self-centred and insulting. I hate when people make bold assertions about what my tastes are, and they're completely wrong. If you don't know me well, don't make wild claims that you do. And even more importantly, don't project your shit on me.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

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  5. #25

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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    The other day I yelled at my INFJ friend for no damn reason. He was sitting on my right being his usually free spirit self, and ENFJ was hovering in the kitchen. I could feel his judgement.

    For some reason I felt he didn't approve. And INFJ kept fucking talking and being himself while I was in front of ENFJ.

    So at the end of the day I went crazy and yelled at the INFJ getting him to back off and stop talking to me. But then I realized I only did that because ENFJ wanted me to. So now I'm mad at ENFJ.

    I feel like a crazy person. Can someone explain to me what's going on?
    I feel like this is a good representation of both sides of the coin with Fe: the external judging side that the ENFJ showed, and the caving to external judgment that you showed.

    Don't get me wrong, us Fi users can be pretty damn judgmental too, but it's in the "well *I* wouldn't do that" high-and-mighty sense instead of the "you shouldn't do that" outward expectation sense.

  6. #26
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Polly View Post
    I noticed, that Fe do this really often. I have this ESFJ friend and if I don't like music she does I am wierd, if I don't like clothes she does I have a terrible taste, if someone trys to argue with her and explain another point of view, there is no way she would ever accept anything else than her opinion no matter how hard you try to reason with her...she would just think you're wierd.. Why EFJs?
    I experienced something similar when I was dating an ESFJ.

  7. #27

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    To prevent this from becoming another thread where everyone complains about Fe-doms for judging them, I'll step in for the sake of my ESFJ bestie. I'll defend that girl to the end of the earth.

    She used to do this with me, I think it's up to how much time you spend around them. She used to think a lot of my beliefs, tastes, etc were weird but, being the ENFP I am, I was totally cool with that weirdness. I just responded with "well that's just me." Over time she got used to my straying off the beaten path and started to join in as well (one time we went around a Target wearing like 5 bras at once and panties on our heads). If you're just upfront about yourself and become close enough with them they'll totally accept you for who you are and appreciate your "weirdness." I think too often the initial "judginess" of ESFJs (and ENFJs) push them away from people who could actually be good friends with them an cause them to gravitate towards like-minded individuals. That isn't good because ESFJs can really benefit from being around different kinds of people - helps develop their Ne open-mindedness and makes them even more fun to be around when socializing.



    In your friend's case, help her build some Ne. It can take a while for them to come around but if you're close enough to them they'll genuinely hear you out.



    I think of it more as trying to guarantee the most amount of happiness for the most amount of people. If a social value is more detrimental than beneficial to the people around them they're more likely to fight back.
    My ESFJ friend is far away from being this stereotype of traditionally thinking SJ. She's pretty crazy punk/rocker, hippie, grunger girl and she knows tons of artists, musicians, philosphers...She actually intertuced me to so much interesting people I wouldn't ever know without her. But it's really hard to talk her to do things she does not want to. She's stubborn and reather a leader, than follower so she has this group of Pe friends and she actually told me to do pretty crazy stuff. I remember we used to smoke so much weed together, then go to grocery store and buy 2 toats by credit card. We've been together at most punk/rock shows and concertes... I remember it was her idea to mixed up pills and alcohol, mixed up weed and something, with something then add 2 beers and oh...Have we already tried this? I remember the coolest fucked up crazy parties with her...But those times of mixing alcohol with this and that are unfortunately behind me...Sometimes I miss this level of craziness. Oh...And her favorite thing to do is walking barefoot thorugh the center of our city and she doesn't care she looks like a total homeless ... She says it helps her to feel more freedom

  8. #28
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    ^for that matter, I'm wondering what sort of ass-backward ENFJ doesn't know that people don't usually like to be told what they will and will not like? That one of the "social protocols" is showing at least a modicum of respect for personal taste?

    If these are the sort of ENFJ friends that you guys have, I might recommend getting better ones.

  9. #29
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    damn that ENFJ infestation like bed bugs can never get rid of them

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post
    ^for that matter, I'm wondering what sort of ass-backward ENFJ doesn't know that people don't usually like to be told what they will and will not like? That one of the "social protocols" is showing at least a modicum of respect for personal taste?

    If these are the sort of ENFJ friends that you guys have, I might recommend getting better ones.
    Seriously! Skilled Fe is relatively hands off (at least in that sense) from what I noticed. I hang around 3 (possibly 4) Fe doms on a regular basis and none of them ever push that shit on me or it's just a mere recommendation based on past conversations. All of them actually have lives so they don't waste time on that shit.

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