[INFP] Ask an INFP

[chubber]

As in, elaborate the point or giving a realistic example?

How about both?

 

[Arctic Hysteria]

How about both?

Something like, wanting to spend lots of time doing things together. Clinging around at the goodbyes. Letting me know spending time with me is the most comfortable thing to them. Texting "I miss you already" 5 minutes after driving off. Wanting me to hang out with his crowd and wanting to hang out with my crowd. Constantly checking up on each other when away. I can handle higher level of neediness than that.
THAT coming from a person who has a job, take care of themselves and others, has hobbies and passions, has their own opinions and stands.

I have met people who are somewhat like that.

 

[chubber]

How do you INFPs deal with touch? Example: Physical affection.

 

[Arctic Hysteria]

How do you INFPs deal with touch? Example: Physical affection.

Er... I tend to feel rather uncomfortable being touched by a large portion of folks. However, touching is what I intensely desire from my romantic partner, as it's how affection and intimacy is communicated. I wonder if it's my sp/sx talking.

 

[chubber]

Er... I tend to feel rather uncomfortable being touched by a large portion of folks. However, touching is what I intensely desire my romantic partner, as it's how affection and intimacy is communicated. I wonder if it's my sp/sx talking.

How would one place that in context of neediness? When does touch become uncomfortable by the romantic partner?

 

[OrangeAppled]

As you know, INFP is a self-effacing type, we're rarely jealous of others and project that good intention onto others. How do you respond to jealousy? I don't mean jealous feelings, I mean people being jealous of you, having bad intentions for you? I find it makes me uncomfortable, releases the monster within me, I struggle to comprehend it.

Yes, it makes me uncomfortable and I struggle to understand it, often not really accepting that they could be jealous, and so seeking another explanation for their behavior. I can feel apologetic and angry at the same time; I can feel angry that someone is making me feel apologetic for my strengths, as if I am only allowed to be weak and pitiable and be likable. I suppose stronger sx in a 4 brings anger closer to the surface. It's really a frustration at feeling like I am self-deprecating and not tooting my own horn much of the time, and yet, when I do have a positive trait, others get threatened by it so I must "downplay it".

I relate to [MENTION=22039]Arctic Hysteria[/MENTION] saying that an elephant in the room bugs her and may compel her to confront someone. However, I can second-guess my interpretation of what is going on and can allow projecting "good intentions" to lead to giving too much benefit of the doubt when there is not that much room for doubt. I will hang onto a thread of possibility that something else is the reason... that it has nothing to do with me, for example. However, I end up taking it personally (because it is), but will see it more as ME being unlikable/flawed and not the other person's pettiness. Finally accepting that some people have been nasty to me out of jealousy has been healthy for me, because I see their poor treatment it's not a reflection of any flaw in me.

Once I reach a point where I am quite sure jealousy is the culprit, then I may not need any closure from the person - I likely will just ignore them or cut them off as much as I can. Otherwise, I will let them know I know what's up, that way they don't try to emotionally manipulate me or others regarding me (which such people often try to do - aka sabotage you).

Oddly enough, because I can be rather oblivious and not prone to suspicion, this makes me harder to emotionally manipulate than you might think....naiveté can work in my favor, as I am too obtuse to be drawn in by these people.

What kind of a partner does an INFP female want? In short bullet points, and without physical attributes pls...

Oh how we love such lists...but short?!

- shared/compatible goals, values, interests, beliefs, etc
- very intelligent, preferably of the intellectual variety
- kindness, compassion, thoughtfulness, unselfishness, humility
- high integrity, strong morals, developed spirituality
- affectionate, intimate, passionate, has a sensual side and emotional depth
- someone I can deeply respect, greatly admire, and find very charming
- can open my eyes to new ways/perspectives/etc
- more sociable & organized than me would be good, also assertive and direct (I don't get hints very well)
- appreciation & admiration for my strengths and areas of talent
- will put up with and even like my navel-gazing and philosophical rants
- icing on the cake: likes the arts, culture, novelty, & theoretical stuff, can be spontaneous and adventurous, not stuck in the doldrums
- wants an "us against the world" dynamic, to be very close, but you know, still give me my space

 

[Arctic Hysteria]

- appreciation & admiration for my strengths and areas of talent
- will put up with and even like my navel-gazing and philosophical rants

- icing on the cake: likes the arts, culture, novelty, & theoretical stuff, can be spontaneous and adventurous, not stuck in the doldrums

(Though this quality could make half of my cake, not just the icing.)

- wants an "us against the world" dynamic, to be very close, but you know, still give me my space

 

[Southern Kross]

Oh how we love such lists...but short?!

- shared/compatible goals, values, interests, beliefs, etc
- very intelligent, preferably of the intellectual variety
- kindness, compassion, thoughtfulness, unselfishness, humility
- high integrity, strong morals, developed spirituality
- affectionate, intimate, passionate, has a sensual side and emotional depth
- someone I can deeply respect, greatly admire, and find very charming
- can open my eyes to new ways/perspectives/etc
- more sociable & organized than me would be good, also assertive and direct (I don't get hints very well)
- appreciation & admiration for my strengths and areas of talent
- will put up with and even like my navel-gazing and philosophical rants
- icing on the cake: likes the arts, culture, novelty, & theoretical stuff, can be spontaneous and adventurous, not stuck in the doldrums
- wants an "us against the world" dynamic, to be very close, but you know, still give me my space

^THIS. Except for the spirituality - I don't care either way as long as they're not judgey about my views.

I especially like that last one, OA. Inspiring that level of intimacy is the most important thing of all really. Personally, all the other things are just the stuff that enables that. Of course the space aspect is important too, but that's related to the idea of building the right sort of bond (ie. the kind that we don't have to be joined at the hip to remain very close).

I personally would add to the list:

- A good conversationalist (ie. we have good conversational chemistry)
- Someone I can be comfortable with (ie. inspires trust, honesty and openness in me and doesn't betray that).
- Non-judgemental
- Humour

But perhaps that's the social dom in me.

 

[GarrotTheThief]

Ask me anything, and you shall receive an answer.

do you spike your hair up and die it pink or blue like the Jetson family?

 

[Riva]

wants an "us against the world" dynamic, to be very close,

SX?

Now that you mentioned it, it does seem like a good way to develop an intimate connection.

 

[senza tema]

SX?

Might be a 4 thing in general ... to want someone who is perfect just for you and all your many failings. Your own sacred space manifested in another person who loves you as you do them.

EDIT: Or an INFP thing. Or an sx thing. Or a person thing. I don't know.

 

[Riva]

[MENTION=5871]Southern Kross[/MENTION]

If you need a LONG list
of what an INFP wants

Who you gonna call?
Orangeappled!

If you're feeling something weird
and you don't know what it is

Who you gonna call?
Orangeappled!

She ain't afraid of no Ti
She ain't afraid of no Fe
She ain't afraid of no Ni

Just in case you are wondering where that came from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9We2XsVZfc

 

[Riva]

Might be a 4 thing in general ... to want someone who is perfect just for you and all your many failings. Your own sacred space manifested in another person who loves you as you do them.

EDIT: Or an INFP thing. Or an sx thing. Or a person thing. I don't know.

What you lack or what you are?

 

[PeaceBaby]

What kind of a partner does an INFP female want? In short bullet points, and without physical attributes pls...

I was thinking about how to answer this. I was married at 21 and I've been married for 26 years. Some of the things I once thought important, not so much now. Other attributes however stand the test of time. They are:

- a strong value system that is lived and not only spoken
- high integrity
- a sense of humor, someone who can make me laugh everyday
- physical chemistry
- loyal, supportive, compassionate and dedicated to the life path we both share

I'm fortunate to be with a man who still loves me even though I am fallible and imperfect compared to the vision I have of myself.

eta: I guess I look at my relationship in terms of how I can be for him, rather than how he is or what he does for me? Being loving to him is not contingent on him meeting a list of my expectations. But those listed above would still be attributes I am drawn to in a man.

eta2: and there are things about him that are good for me even though they aren't on my list of what I look for. Maybe I'll write that up later.

How do you INFPs deal with touch? Example: Physical affection.

With a partner, I enjoy the sense of contact, especially random unexpected hugs or hand-holding. Loving touch that takes me by surprise is always nice.

 

[senza tema]

How do you INFPs deal with touch? Example: Physical affection.

*insert standard "Maybe I'm not really an INFP" disclaimer here*

I'm very selective about who I engage with physically, but the people I'm physically affectionate with, I'M ALL OVER. I love hugging and cuddling and kissing, I give lots of spontaneous back rubs and foot rubs and head massages and stuff because I like touching people, I like holding hands, if I'm in a restaurant I'm probably gonna want to to scooch over to the other person's side so I can touch them, and oh, I like touching people's hair, too. It's easiest for me to show physical affection, words may come out wrong but my hugs are world class, haha.

This is all limited to some family, some friends and boyfriends, of course.

 

[Riva]

Might be a 4 thing in general ... to want someone who is perfect just for you and all your many failings. Your own sacred space manifested in another person who loves you as you do them.

EDIT: Or an INFP thing. Or an sx thing. Or a person thing. I don't know.

@rep -

What i meant to ask was whether this person has to have qualities that you lack or similar to you?

A very simple example to the above question would be, when you say 'i don't want to go to xyz today' what you want your deal lover to reply as, whether it is: 'me neither' or 'lets go cus i am here too/okay i'll take care of it?'

 

[Arctic Hysteria]

[MENTION=22067]riva[/MENTION], I can relate to what [MENTION=23222]Arcana[/MENTION] wrote, and this quote from Andrew Boyd is exactly it

“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems - the ones that make you truly who you are - that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person - someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
Let our scars fall in love.”

 

[OrangeAppled]

[MENTION=5871]Southern Kross[/MENTION]

If you need a LONG list
of what an INFP wants

Who you gonna call?
Orangeappled!

If you're feeling something weird
and you don't know what it is

Who you gonna call?
Orangeappled!

She ain't afraid of no Ti
She ain't afraid of no Fe
She ain't afraid of no Ni

Just in case you are wondering where that came from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9We2XsVZfc

How convenient that my screen name has just the right amount of syllables.

 

[Raffaella]

How do you INFPs deal with touch? Example: Physical affection.

I'm not physically affectionate, I don't desire it but do reciprocate out of politeness. It does take me a while to warm up to someone. I also don't appreciate people invading my personal space but public transport has made me less... stringent. I prefer affection in words and feelings and I think that warmth gives people an impression that I'm comfortable with touch however I'm quite cold in the area.

 

[Riva]

[MENTION=22067]riva[/MENTION], I can relate to what [MENTION=23222]Arcana[/MENTION] wrote, and this quote from Andrew Boyd is exactly it

“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems - the ones that make you truly who you are - that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person - someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
Let our scars fall in love.”

That was really nice/thoughtful. I agree with it. Thanks for sharing. I think that's what I subconsciously look for; which means this applies to all, not just INFP and 4s.

How convenient that my screen name has just the right amount of syllables.

Yes I just noticed the number of syllables.

I had to ruin the joke by telling where I got the tune from. It would have been ideal if it would have eventually suddenly clicked to you; but you don't seem to be much into pop culture (and tv shows, movies etc), to have left it to be remembered/figured out .