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Thread: Ask an INFP

  1. #81
    Senior Member riva's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arctic Hysteria View Post
    @riva, I can relate to what @Arcana wrote, and this quote from Andrew Boyd is exactly it

    “We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems - the ones that make you truly who you are - that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person - someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

    I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
    Let our scars fall in love.”
    That was really nice/thoughtful. I agree with it. Thanks for sharing. I think that's what I subconsciously look for; which means this applies to all, not just INFP and 4s.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post


    How convenient that my screen name has just the right amount of syllables.
    Yes I just noticed the number of syllables.

    I had to ruin the joke by telling where I got the tune from. It would have been ideal if it would have eventually suddenly clicked to you; but you don't seem to be much into pop culture (and tv shows, movies etc), to have left it to be remembered/figured out :P.

    .

  2. #82
    Senior Member senza tema's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by riva View Post
    @rep -

    What i meant to ask was whether this person has to have qualities that you lack or similar to you?

    A very simple example to the above question would be, when you say 'i don't want to go to xyz today' what you want your deal lover to reply as, whether it is: 'me neither' or 'lets go cus i am here too/okay i'll take care of it?'
    The answer to both questions is both and neither and all of the above. My ideal mate would intuit what I want AND need before I ever even know it myself and reveal it to me in a flash of triumphant perfection accompanied by sunshine and angelic harps ... all while thinking that I was mana from heaven.

    Jokes aside, @Arctic Hysteria said it best. I'm just looking for someone whose brand of crazy complements my own. A compatible set of neuroses. (And mutual mind reading capabilities, of course, but let's not scare everyone away, Arcana ...)

    Anyway, I don't do long lists but strong physical chemistry, emotional intimacy ... or the potential and desire for it ... plus the ability to connect intellectually on some levels and keep each other entertained sound about right. In the long term, similar values and similar desires and expectations from the relationship are also crucial.

    But you know what? All that stuff sounds BORING. What it boils down to is this: I want someone who's as crazy about me as I am about him, and the knowledge that we'll work through the bumps we face the best we can and hold each other through it all.

  3. #83
    Senior Member senza tema's Avatar
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    @riva

    I never really answered your question about the qualities I'd like my ideal mate to possess and whether they should be qualities I have or I lack.

    I think it would ideally be a good mix of both. Enough difference to keep each other perpetually entertained (very important for me! I behave badly when I'm bored in relationships) but enough similarity to have self-fueling common ground. That's such a fucking generic answer. Ugh. Whatever, still true.

    I'm currently at a point in my life where I am pretty self-sufficient. There are areas I could grow in, of course, but nothing that I need an SO to take care of. I'd rather have someone fun to explore life with, really.
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  4. #84
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by riva View Post
    That was really nice/thoughtful. I agree with it. Thanks for sharing. I think that's what I subconsciously look for; which means this applies to all, not just INFP and 4s.



    Yes I just noticed the number of syllables.

    I had to ruin the joke by telling where I got the tune from. It would have been ideal if it would have eventually suddenly clicked to you; but you don't seem to be much into pop culture (and tv shows, movies etc), to have left it to be remembered/figured out :P.

    I'm just Anerican enough and old enough so that there's no way I could escape that movie. Actually I really like Bill Murray in general too.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  5. #85
    Senior Member riva's Avatar
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    Soo when INFPs - I think this mostly applies to e4s - complain about themselves, do they feel less stressed afterwards?
    .

  6. #86
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    As you know, INFP is a self-effacing type, we're rarely jealous of others and project that good intention onto others. How do you respond to jealousy? I don't mean jealous feelings, I mean people being jealous of you, having bad intentions for you? I find it makes me uncomfortable, releases the monster within me, I struggle to comprehend it.
    Sorry I missed this before. I think I started writing an answer and then found it difficult to explain. I don't notice very much if people are jealous of me. I really can't remember any time in my life where I said to myself, oh, that person might/must be jealous of me. I have been told that a person is jealous of me a couple of times in the past, and it made their actions make more sense in that light, but I struggled to visualize the nature of their jealousy or how it might change their behavior going forwards. So I guess mostly I am oblivious to it.

    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    How do you INFPs deal with touch? Example: Physical affection.
    I love it from my boyfriend and nuclear family, and I am comfortable with it from extended family who I am on warm terms with. From basically anyone else it makes me uncomfortable.

    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    How would one place that in context of neediness? When does touch become uncomfortable by the romantic partner?
    Rarely, only if we're really entrenched in an argument. In the context of neediness, I seek a high level of physical touch, but that might be a me thing more than an INFP thing - it's my primary "love language".

    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    When do INFPs start pushing people away from their life?
    When they are knowingly insulting to me or people/things/causes I care about - not just like a little bit of insult in anger or argument, but multiple instances of intentional and purposeful devaluation over a period of time after I have tried to mitigate the conflict. I have discovered it does not hurt me at all to cut a person who has done that that out of my life, and that it takes a real show of remorse for them to make it back in.

    Quote Originally Posted by riva View Post
    Soo when INFPs - I think this mostly applies to e4s - complain about themselves, do they feel less stressed afterwards?
    I don't think I do that much. I like to joke about my weaknesses... it feels good to share them with others and have them acknowledge them and make light of them with me. Or I like to talk about them in an analytical, problem-solving sense. Complaining makes me feel like I'm stuck with something bad I can't change.

    Quote Originally Posted by Standing Here View Post
    What kind of a partner does an INFP female want? In short bullet points, and without physical attributes pls...
    Me personally:

    - Kind
    - Polite
    - Patient
    - Values knowledge/education
    - Values family
    - Open to adventure

    I prefer for their values to be similar to mine and for them to be more practical and more action-oriented than me. In typology terms, I prefer Sensors and sp-high.

    Quote Originally Posted by Arctic Hysteria
    You're looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person - someone you gaze upon lovingly and think, "This is the problem I want to have."
    I really like this.

    The longer I have been in a serious relationship, the more I have come to realize that the other person will always be foreign to me, always changing and growing in a way that I can't be familiar with and comfortable with. But that is also the beauty and the mystery of the "other", and if that foreignness were lost, so too would be the magnetism that binds us.

    I think part of what makes it "love" is that we are required to endlessly subvert ourselves to be accepting of the other, to continually open ourselves to a different way of being. Loving isn't easy. It breaks down barriers and tears down walls. It changes old bonds and creates new bonds. It requires families to expand and forces new life into being. It is healing and it is painful.

  7. #87
    Senior Member blahblahbob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by riva View Post
    Soo when INFPs - I think this mostly applies to e4s - complain about themselves, do they feel less stressed afterwards?
    When ESTJs make fun of someone who complains about something - does it make them more intelligent than they were before?

  8. #88
    Senior Member riva's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blahblahbob View Post
    When ESTJs make fun of someone who complains about something - does it make them more intelligent than they were before?
    It probably does. I wouldn't know.

    I wasnt joking by the way thougj i put a lighthearted tough to the post.
    .

  9. #89
    Senior Member blahblahbob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by riva View Post
    It probably does. I wouldn't know.

    I wasnt joking by the way thougj i put a lighthearted tough to the post.
    Having someone there to cry to is pretty cathartic - to answer your question. Has to be the right someone, of course, which is almost never ESTJ.

  10. #90
    A Gentle Whisper ~MS*ANGEL~'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blahblahbob View Post
    Having someone there to cry to is pretty cathartic - to answer your question. Has to be the right someone, of course, which is almost never ESTJ.
    Or ENTJ - my mom usually dismisses my crying/complaining. Then again, it's probably justified.
    Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible... and then some.

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