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Thread: Ask an INFP

  1. #51
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    As you know, INFP is a self-effacing type, we're rarely jealous of others and project that good intention onto others. How do you respond to jealousy? I don't mean jealous feelings, I mean people being jealous of you, having bad intentions for you? I find it makes me uncomfortable, releases the monster within me, I struggle to comprehend it.
    I just find it uncomfortable and take no pleasure in it. The bitterness of it is not something I like to be around. Also I end up feeling like I have something to apologise for, which isn't a nice feeling either.
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    - Emily Bronte

  2. #52
    Glamour puss with a tan Raffaella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    I naturally err on the side of not saying anything (and beating myself up for it), over blurting something out in my own defense. I wish I had a monster within, though.


    I know how, in such an environment, it's good to have a monster within to help you cope (though not necessarily simplify the situation). Don't beat yourself up for it, speak to your employer about it, or send an email if it makes you uncomfortable. Blurting something out is good, too, as it shows you don't appreciate how you're being treated and releases some of the hurt. As a e9, I know it's better to let out your anger than to internalise the nastiness.

  3. #53
    Glamour puss with a tan Raffaella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arctic Hysteria View Post
    If the jealousy is obvious, I will to call them out on it. Something like, "Hey, it looks like it bothers you that [ fill in the blank ]" and I'll welcome the war.
    I avoid confrontations and interactions. But this kind of shit needs to be called out. I refuse to ignore the ugly elephant in the room, refuse to suffer from the poisonous atmosphere and the negative energy such shit produce.
    I relate a lot to this post and I, too, despise being in such an atmosphere but I find that at times blunt outbursts such as these can escalate the problem leaving me feeling worse. I do find it interesting that we can’t brush it off like others, that it really does affect us. Do you relate to Southern Kross's feeling of guilt or as if you have something to apologise for?

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    Also I end up feeling like I have something to apologise for, which isn't a nice feeling either.
    Yes, that's just it. It's one the strongest feelings that I experience and I genuinely don't understand why. What exactly do I have to apologise for? (rhetoric question) Objectively I know that I deserve what I achieve but the feeling persists.

  4. #54
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    Do you relate to Southern Kross's feeling of guilt or as if you have something to apologise for?
    Now that you ask...
    I don't think I apologize that very often. I guess while at it, I try not to fuck up or hurt anyone. But once that effort is responded to with bullcrap, all of my hells break lose, I will be in my impulsive and stubborn mode.
    I do apologize when I know I did not do the other person justice. But when I deserve something, I know I do. No, I don't think I feel bad and apologize for what I rightfully deserve while the other person is just being self-obsessed.
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  5. #55
    Glamour puss with a tan Raffaella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arctic Hysteria View Post
    I do apologize when I know I did not do the other person justice. But when I deserve something, I know I do. No, I don't think I feel bad and apologize for what I rightfully deserve while the other person is just being self-obsessed.
    That's actually surprising and very admirable. I originally associated the feeling of guilt specifically with INFP e9 but SK's an e4 and as are you yet there's no similarity. Hmmm...

  6. #56
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    That's actually surprising and very admirable. I originally associated the feeling of guilt specifically with INFP e9 but SK's an e4 and as are you yet there's no similarity. Hmmm...
    Instinctual variants can make a big difference when it comes to these sorts of nuances. I bet @OrangeAppled would say something similar to AH.

    Note: I don't actually apologise in these circumstances. It feels more like a guilt trip to me - I feel uneasy about it, and yet semi-annoyed at being 'blamed'. I usually will make myself scarce around that person just to avoid the whole unpleasant awkwardness of it all.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte
    Likes Arctic Hysteria liked this post

  7. #57
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    That's actually surprising and very admirable. I originally associated the feeling of guilt specifically with INFP e9 but SK's an e4 and as are you yet there's no similarity. Hmmm...
    Oh well, actually guilt is something I feel ALL THE TIME, but in other scenarios, about other things.
    I have a rather passive-aggressive way of expressing this guilt though. Self-effacing talk and excessive apologizing are usually the way it goes down.
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  8. #58

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    What kind of a partner does an INFP female want? In short bullet points, and without physical attributes pls...

  9. #59
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Standing Here View Post
    What kind of a partner does an INFP female want? In short bullet points, and without physical attributes pls...
    For me, it's someone who is:

    - Loyal and honorable.
    - Extremely caring, affectionate and thoughtful.
    - Understanding, forgiving and gentle.
    - Personal and intimate without being suffocating.
    - Straightforward with what they want to say, how they feel and what they want.
    - Adventurous, curious, imaginative, particular, quirky, sarcastic and a bit crazy.
    - Interested in arts, sub-cultures and the rare things in life.
    - Enjoy making things taste/ look/ feel/ sound better.
    - More stable and determined than I am.
    - A bit needy sometimes is a plus lol. Needy but independent.
    - Empathetic and non-materialistic.
    .
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  10. #60
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arctic Hysteria View Post
    For me, it's someone who is:
    - A bit needy sometimes is a plus lol. Needy but independent.
    Give an example of that, please.

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