So this realization has been slowly incubating for the last couple of weeks for me. Reading Jung's Psychological Types put me in the coffin, Lenore Thomson's INJ and INFJ chapters from Personality Types hammered the nails.
And crap, it explains so much. How could I, a social last 4w5 INFP, have sacrificed so much of myself for my loved ones? How could I censor myself so as not to hurt anyone to the extent that I have? How could I constantly be amazed by how my INFP 4w5 social last friend relentlessly stays true to himself and expresses himself so openly when it's something I struggle with on a daily basis? How could I have Fe as an auxiliary when inside I am so very my own person and I suck at small talk and I can be so socially awkward and aloof and prickly? (But I can also be friendly, and charming, and proper, and warm, and I encourage people to share their feelings, and I make a lot of suggestions to people as to what they should do, and I spend way too much time on here 'helping' people vs doing what matters to me...)
Anyway. I don't want this to be a blog. I want to hear from others who were sure they were fi doms- or something else all together- and ended up being ni doms.
I should add that it was Ni that got me considering the possibility that I wasn't an INFP, not Fe vs Fi. Whenever I create or dream (or anything, really) I go very internal, very deep and I see things, mainly singular images but sometimes they are more detailed. I always feel like I'm looking inward, and I can often do this in a very detached and analytical way (always thought this was my five wing), like I'm watching a film that's being projected onto my subconscious. (Lately while my brain was processing Jung I had a dream that another woman entered me because I allowed her to but then she was taking over and I no longer knew what was me and what was her, and she was raping me from the inside, I was bleeding everywhere but no one seemed to notice...)
Every day I'm lost in a dark wood and trying to make my way back through hell so I can once again see the stars.
I suspect a lot of people who are on the fence between INFP and INFJ fail to recognize the extroverted feeling within them, and highlighting the differences between the two probably won't help. So I wanted to mention this, because I thought there was no fucking way that Fe could ever in a million years be my auxiliary. I have been fighting it for so long. The Fe part of me is a pillow smotherer, the part of me I'm ashamed to be.
And I don't want to post this, but I will.