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  1. #1
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    Default INFJ + INTJ = _____

    I been developing something with an INTJ for a little while and I'm curious if anyone has had the same type relationship before. Same for INTJs. Ever gone out with an INFJ?

    What works and what doesn't work?

    And on another note, I'm curious what it's like for two introverts to be together. I've only dated extroverts so far.

  2. #2
    Senior Member edcoaching's Avatar
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    You can actually laugh at the same jokes, give each other time to think, for the most part enjoy the same movies/books. Big trouble is same blind spots like forgetting where you parked the car. Maybe the biggest danger is that you can seem so naturally compatible that you get into the habit of being together without figuring out how serious you want to be.
    edcoaching

  3. #3
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    Thanks, edcoaching. This INTJ and I get along fairly well from what I can tell. And you're right that we enjoy the same jokes and movies and such.

    Here's another question:

    Is it true INTJ don't like to be touched all that much? One of my stronger love languages is physical affection. I think it'd be hard if I dated a girl who's always got the 'don't touch me' chip on her shoulder.

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    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    INTJ + INFJ = doom.

    Not really. It's just (as I've said on this board a zillion times), INTJs and INFJs share some communicative (or noncommunicative) tendencies that actually impede good communication. It's a challenge that is surmountable, but it's a challenge.


    As for INTJs and touch, my experience is that they really prefer that to be negotiated on their own terms. Physical space is important to the INTJs I know.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  5. #5
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    Yes I was with an INFJ chick for some time. She was quite charming in the beginning and so on. After a while however, our subtle differences blew up in our faces. We kept misunderstanding each other, and that often lead to unnecessary fights.

    Problem was we both were fond of each other on some level, and neither of us wanted to hurt the other. Which is made it that much harder to do the inevitable.

    So I'm little biased against INFJ-INTJ relationships. But that's just me, Im sure other INFJs' experiences are different.

  6. #6
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    Thanks guys. Good thoughts. Keep them coming if others have more to add. Hopefully there are good stories out there too??

  7. #7
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Is it true INTJ don't like to be touched all that much? One of my stronger love languages is physical affection. I think it'd be hard if I dated a girl who's always got the 'don't touch me' chip on her shoulder.
    Depends on your definition of "much", but I don't hate physical affection at all in the context of love/relationship etc.

    That said, even though my best friend (offline) is an INFJ, I seem to run into trouble with INFJs online...misunderstandings are a problem.

  8. #8
    Senior Member helen's Avatar
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    About the misunderstandings-- if you move into a relationship understanding that you can't expect your INTJ to think like you do, or to automatically know what you are thinking if you don't explain clearly, doesn't this help??

    Is it too idealistic for me to think that INFJ/INTJ relationships dissolving due to communication issues could be blamed on immaturity and false expectations and that a little grace, tolerance, and understanding of MBTI can go a long way?
    "There ain't no doubt in no one's mind that love's the finest thing around. Whisper something soft and kind." --James Taylor

  9. #9
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by helen View Post
    Is it too idealistic for me to think that INFJ/INTJ relationships dissolving due to communication issues could be blamed on immaturity and false expectations and that a little grace, tolerance, and understanding of MBTI can go a long way?
    I'm sure that's true of any type-pairing.

    THAT SAID, I do think that some type pairings are harder than others. INTJ-INFJ is a hard one... one probably worth working on given the right pair, though.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  10. #10
    Sniffles
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eileen View Post
    I'm sure that's true of any type-pairing.

    THAT SAID, I do think that some type pairings are harder than others. INTJ-INFJ is a hard one... one probably worth working on given the right pair, though.
    I agree. Plus it has to be a two way endeavor. And from my experience, INTJs are less inclined to do so. It's their way or no way at all.

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