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Thread: Assertive ENFJ?

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    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Default Assertive ENFJ?

    I've been wondering about the MBTI typeof this woman I know. She self tested herself as ENFJ but is so assertive that it makes me suspicious about her primary function which should be Fe in her case. But her style seems to be more of ENTJ, she seems to be more Te dominant than Fe dominant. There is another case of a man I know, self tested INFJ, who seems to have similar "I'm right and that's it" tendencies as this ENFJ woman.

    So, I was wondering that how assertive ENFJ's (or INFJ's) can be? I always thought Fe is a soft function.

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    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    I think there can be some aggressive Fe-doms, but it would feel a lot different from an aggressive Te-dom. An example of one that comes to my mind is a professor I had at the university who was a pianist. He was very confident and was able to "toot his own horn" so to speak, but he did it in an effective way. When speaking with him, he was able to make you feel like he was absolutely amazing, but so were you. That created a type of charisma that people were really drawn towards. He always had a smile and an energy that made him seem physically bigger than he actually was. His presence was very large. When teaching, he made a lot of eye contact, would walk amongst the desks to connect to the students. He always tended to stand close to you when talking. I would describe the epitome of an assertive Fe-dom as being extremely confident in their own abilities, being able to make people around them catch some of that feeling for themselves, and to make strong social connections through eye contact, close presence, smiles, and physical gestures. A Te-dom is going to focus on the dominance of their plans and ideas, and being "right".

    I'm not certain what an aggressive INFJ would feel like. I'm more aggressive online, so that might show one example, but I'm not irl. They may convey an intensity of feeling in their eyes. They would refuse to back down on their moral positions, they may make a strong effort to convince people of their position in a one-on-one context. They might also present an extreme personae or ideas - perhaps Marilyn Manson is an aggressive INFJ? His extremeness does feel aggressive.
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    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    I've been wondering about the MBTI typeof this woman I know. She self tested herself as ENFJ but is so assertive that it makes me suspicious about her primary function which should be Fe in her case. But her style seems to be more of ENTJ, she seems to be more Te dominant than Fe dominant. There is another case of a man I know, self tested INFJ, who seems to have similar "I'm right and that's it" tendencies as this ENFJ woman.

    So, I was wondering that how assertive ENFJ's (or INFJ's) can be? I always thought Fe is a soft function.
    It's more than possible. I've dated two EFJ males who were sx/so's and both of them were highly dominant. The ENFJ was like a force of nature. He had this way of expressing himself that was just sorta spell-bindingly charismatic. You'd start out disagreeing with him, but found yourself just getting swept away by the force of his personality. It's not the same kind of "bull dozing" that ETJs are credited with, but something different entirely. He made you feel like you were the center of the universe, all you wanted was to please him, and that anything was possible when you were doing so. It was intoxicating being around him and dangerous.

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    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    This ENFJ is certainly not charmingly dominant but rather brutally dominant, ordering people around her and not too warm nor taking other people into account.

    The INFJ I was writing about is not too charming either. He is rather passive-aggressive.

    Both of the people mentioned make you feel that they are right and everything else is nonsense but not on a nice nor charming way. Both are giving you orders and expecting you to to act as they say. The INFJ is not as visible in his way as ENFJ. Maybe they are ENTJ and INTJ because self test results aren't necessarily realiable at all times. (?)

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    i love skylights's Avatar
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    To give two more examples of different "flavors", I have an ENFJ 3w4 so/sp friend who is very assertive. She has sort of a political tactician Fe, if you can think of it like that. She can be so inviting and activating and engaging, or she can be very forceful and directive, or she can be cold and segregating. But she is always moving people, mobilizing people, separating people, sorting people. And she is always thinking about the implications of behavior.

    I also have a coworker who I believe is an ENFJ, maybe sp/so and maybe an 8w9 or 5w6. She tends to be a backseat driver - she likes to have everything under her control and the way she likes it, but she doesn't want to be the active leader. She's valuable as a knowledge source and she's stable and reliable. She's very self-assertive in terms of having her things the way she likes them, and she tends to keep an eye out on everyone else that they're doing it the way she likes it, too. I tease her about it and she acknowledges it. She generally tends to keep to herself otherwise, though. She just likes to protect her own domain.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-Up Rex
    He made you feel like you were the center of the universe, all you wanted was to please him, and that anything was possible when you were doing so. It was intoxicating being around him and dangerous.
    Yes.

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    i love skylights's Avatar
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    @alcea rosea, a sort of crude differentiation is whether they actively work on changing a person's behavior for the person's own sake. NFJs seem to tend to do that, to shape others' actions and behavior. To try to impose cause and effect in others' lives.

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    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    This ENFJ is certainly not charmingly dominant but rather brutally dominant, ordering people around her and not too warm nor taking other people into account.
    That reminds me of an ENFJ (ex)friend of mine, who is always very headstrong about her ideas, and kinda negative about anyone that doesn't do stuff the way she would and kinda always "manipulating" you to believe that without her you wouldn't be able to survive, basically. I think she's an enneagram 8 btw, that could also be connected to it.

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    Assertive, or outright aggressive? Looks like in this discussion we mean assertive as "assertive, but sometimes bordering on aggressive."

    In that case, assertiveness is a near-defining characteristic for them.

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    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    Yes. My subjective image of them drifts well into aggression, too.

    However, I doubt lately that assertiveness level has much if anything to do with type.
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    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Webslinger View Post
    However, I doubt lately that assertiveness level has much if anything to do with type.
    I think it does to some extent. Some functions are seen as assertive by other people. Like primary Te that focuses on arranging things, sometimes arranging people. Some types are more assertive than others based on their primary functions.

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