[MBTI General] This Anger

[Ene]

Two enemies often approach me.

One is anger and the other is sarcasm.

If I let my guard down, they will creep into my camp and wreck havoc. If our altitude is determined by our attitude, then I pray for my attitude to be higher that my altitude may be greater. Today, I came home from a difficult day and found that somewhere along the way, I had let anger into my heart and I have been dealing with it all afternoon.

I don't know if it's an INFJ issue or not, but sometimes, I have to distance myself from people because I'm afraid I might tell them what I really think and then I'll have to apologize for it later, or worse yet, I sometimes fight the urge to physically lash out like a wounded animal who is cornered. If I ever tell someone to leave me alone and they don't, it's like approaching a coyote in a trap, unsafe. There is a reason I go off by myself sometimes. It's to re-gather and to re-center and if I'm not allowed to do that, I think I become feral. I suppose it comes from too much time in the lime-light, by being surrounded by too many people for too long.

For example, my boss is very extroverted [tests as an ENFP]. The more hoopla that goes on, the better she likes it. Her idea of a relaxing evening is going shopping and to a theatrical production and then to a night on the town with a nice place to eat and lots of friends. She likes new things and technological gadgets and whatever's bright, bold and well...new. My idea of relaxing is doing kung fu in the woods or taking a long hike with one friend or two friends, or even by myself or maybe just spending a day in my pajamas writing, alone in my basement. So, I wonder if it is a weakness that I come unraveled with lots of noise and glamour or if it's just not my best mode of operation. It IS hers. When the lights, camera and action die down, she's bored and lonely and sad and moody.

For me, bigger is not always better. New is not always superior to old and often times, less is more. But because she's the boss I often get curves thrown my way. Curves that seem to defy logic and it's an issue that I must deal with. She is a band-wagon gal and every time a new show comes into town, she hops on board. She is a precious person but she sometimes makes life altering decisions on a whim and that bothers me, because it affects so many people.

Actually, writing this has helped me work through my anger a bit

 

[WALMART]

Ki and Will

"The heart/mind that looks inward and focuses intently called Will. Inwardly manifest is Will, outwardly manifested is called Ki. By way of example, Will can be said to be the master of the house and Ki the servant. Inwardly manifested Will exploits Ki. If Ki overruns the mark, one stumbles. Ki should be restrained by Will so as not to be hurried. In martial arts terms, strengthening shita no tkuskuri, creating a lower centeredness, is called Will; a face-to-face bout to kill or be killed is called Ki. One's shita no tsukuri is tightened, and Ki is not to be rushed or driven. Controlling Ki by means of one's Will, and remaining calm so will is not wrenched by Ki, is of the essence."

I wonder how many do not truly turn their mind's eye inward, regarding these episodic overextensions of will. It is something I struggle with as well.

The tribulations of introversion, perhaps, this duality.

 

[Ene]

"The heart/mind that looks inward and focuses intently called Will. Inwardly manifest is Will, outwardly manifested is called Ki. By way of example, Will can be said to be the master of the house and Ki the servant. Inwardly manifested Will exploits Ki. If Ki overruns the mark, one stumbles. Ki should be restrained by Will so as not to be hurried. In martial arts terms, strengthening shita no tkuskuri, creating a lower centeredness, is called Will; a face-to-face bout to kill or be killed is called Ki. One's shita no tsukuri is tightened, and Ki is not to be rushed or driven. Controlling Ki by means of one's Will, and remaining calm so will is not wrenched by Ki, is of the essence."

I wonder how many do not truly turn their mind's eye inward, regarding these episodic overextensions of will. It is something I struggle with as well.

The tribulations of introversion, perhaps, this duality.

Thank you, Superunknown, for speaking my language Only, you said it much more concisely, but yes, that is exactly where I'm coming from.

 

[Alight owl]

Thanks for sharing. I think, I mean I hardly ever do this but I think, that trying to find a way to let out the anger is a really, really good thing. I mean by talking to your boss about it, or talking around it with your boss, or just trying to find a healthy way to deal. For me, if it stays inside it festers and really takes up a lot of mental/emotional energy and sometimes even physical energy to keep it in. And I know for INFJs that to keep it in can be devastating. LIke, it can really ruin an entire week for me if I'm angry at someone for something or if I have any feelings that get bottled up inside.

I don't mean when you feel feral though! I definitely need space when i'm feeling that angry too.

I'm still working on this, probably always will be, but I at least need to figure out how to say hard things to people in a productive way. And productive for me means vulnerable. I'm trying to share that soft underbelly with more people, to trust them with it.

Maybe this isn't relevant to your situation - I'll admit, it doesn't work every time that I get mad! - but sometimes I think it's really important to share. I'll let you all know when i figure out how.

 

[Ene]

Thanks for sharing. I think, I mean I hardly ever do this but I think, that trying to find a way to let out the anger is a really, really good thing. I mean by talking to your boss about it, or talking around it with your boss, or just trying to find a healthy way to deal. For me, if it stays inside it festers and really takes up a lot of mental/emotional energy and sometimes even physical energy to keep it in. And I know for INFJs that to keep it in can be devastating. LIke, it can really ruin an entire week for me if I'm angry at someone for something or if I have any feelings that get bottled up inside.

I don't mean when you feel feral though! I definitely need space when i'm feeling that angry too.

I'm still working on this, probably always will be, but I at least need to figure out how to say hard things to people in a productive way. And productive for me means vulnerable. I'm trying to share that soft underbelly with more people, to trust them with it.

Maybe this isn't relevant to your situation - I'll admit, it doesn't work every time that I get mad! - but sometimes I think it's really important to share. I'll let you all know when i figure out how.

Thank you [MENTION=17837]Alight owl[/MENTION]for responding. Well, I guess I need to do a follow up post on this. I had experienced the most mentally exhausting week imaginable. So I ended up jumping off a ninety foot cliff. That seemed to help a lot. Haha. Seriously, I did some intensive training that weekend and somehow it helped me deal with the mental stress and fatigue, which in turn, helped me deal with the anger.