It's really hard for someone to get to that point with me. I have a feeling it's an air I may give off more than a mentality that is closed. And at that point, it's more protection of emotional feeling than about keeping integrity.
Yes, this is emotional protection also. As Jung notes - Fi is like a sensitive plant shrinking back from the object.
But I'm also referring to resisting the affect of external valuations, often communicated with emotional affect; it's to keep from being swayed from popular ideas that may not represent what is truly significant to the human experience. For feeling to grow in depth, to create & refine an inner guage of value concepts, you have to strip away the external contexts to funnel down into the fundamental concepts of what is important for humans - outside of culture, time, and very specific experiences.
When swayed, it is with Ne - what shows a connection to some ideal, even if it's just potential, so that you se such a myriad of ways for a value-concept to manifest the flexibility is kept intact. This is where the INFP NOT "door-slamming" in any permanent way is more common than not. It is very hard to kill all potential. it really takes a lot to drain something once full of it. The kind of depression that can plunge you into is rough. So sometimes you have to just let go of potential before you reach that point. It's more of an emotional protection again. And I think this paragraph reiterates what you said - basically, there is not always the win-win or the potential.
I believe this is the shocker, and so much so people believe they cannot recover from it, so they believe themselves "out" forever. But I believe the person is not often "out" so much as they've communicated (perhaps unwittingly) that they are unwilling to accommodate an uncompromising "value" of yours. There has been a violation & it cansnot be forgiven silently. They must make the adjustment now. But of course, they may not know any of this!
The problem, IMO, is many do not know how much accommodating & adjusting you have been doing. IFPs tend to do this silently, not with the martyr show like many FJs. And they don't know the resentment that has built up in their violations & in your sacrifices - and it goes beyond the personal relationship, but just in LIFE, how you have compromised ideals. And now a violation is a BIG deal, unacceptable, and their behavior indicates they will not change. From the Fi perspective, it almost feels like YOU have been outed.
For me, the big thing has been communicating better what is important to me, how it needs to be respected/met, what my boundaries are - instead of leaving it all hidden like land mines for people to discover. And I'm not sure why I avoid this communication other than it's extremely difficult to put things into words & not find yourself invalidated.
And no offense to ISFPs, but I notice this verbal communication is harder for them... and many INFPs only do it well in writing, but at least there is an outlet.
I think this is why Fi-dom are said to have such a special love for art, poetry, religion - the most difficult things can be said so clearly in these forms that direct communication just cannot allow. It's amazing to me how words themselves can even transform when paired with a melody, a color, an image... the nuances are just really important with difficult to grasp feelings.
I like these lyrics by the Jesus & Mary Chain (surely a Fi-dom lyricist). They're very simple, but communicate the situation of having to end something once deemed full of life, having to recognize it's dead, and trying to detach yourself and find some way to communicate any of it:
The Hardest Walk:
The lyrics of that song do resemble Fi and also, speaking of JTG, are how I knew he was ISTJ and not ISFJ.
The difference between Fi and Fe are very clear and this song is Fi at its most injured and shut down.