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  1. #71
    it's a nuclear device antireconciler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Babylon Candle View Post
    2. Not valuing yourself enough.

    How great can this person be, if they dont want to be with YOU, the greatest person in YOUR OWN LIFE???? it seems so simple, but really, i think the attraction just blinds us to seeing this oh so simple one.

    do you really want to be with someone who is so dense as to not like you? (i realise this sounds narcissistic, im assuming the people reading this probably dont suffer from it )


    so to review: the attraction blinds us to the following:
    1. its actaully really ****ing simple to see if she 'likes' you, as long as you dont over analyze it.
    2. When she does something that to outsider say, she doesnt like you, DONT MAKE EXCUSES FOR HER, that SHE should make for herself.
    3. why the hell would you want to be in a relationship where you have to be constantly "proving" yourself??? seriously wtf was i thinking???
    This is very good. I think there's a lot of truth to it. There's a sense in which I want to say, to anyone who get's stuck in the friend zone wanting something more, that if you want something more, just go for it. A friendship is hardly so valuable that it is worth more than just being yourself, AND, a friendship is hardly valuable in the first place if just being yourself and expressing interest ruins it. If you aren't satisfied, do something about it.

    Then again, like Babylon Candle says, why is this person so interesting if they aren't attracted to you? I think there's something fundamental about our type that leads us to experience this kind of longing and regret and above all, loneliness, and rejection, but I think we have to recognize it for what it is, an underestimation of our own value. You've got to stand up for yourself. It's natural and healthy to seek companionship, but at the same time, if you are lonely in your own company ... then you're in bad company! You're starting to stink a little. You're not so flimsy that you need anyone else to make you happy. But since it DOES make us happy to pursue new relationships, accept your current situation for what it is, and take the logical next step. Don't say "It's not fair!" Maybe it's not fair ... but that's the way it is. Blame no one, for you have not been wronged.
    ~ a n t i r e c o n c i l e r
    What is death, dies.
    What is life, lives.

  2. #72

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    I think for an INFP a big problem is being seen. A lot of the best of you is difficult to get to know. You can find a reason why people should love you because you are probably brilliant on so many levels, but others won't necessarily see it. It can be annoying but you can't hold it against them. One thing that helps is to put yourself in the world more so there is a chance to love you for what you are. Though it can be difficult.

    On the subject of absolutes and friendzone being permanent, it is pretty rigid thinking. Most girls who dissed Clark Kent, would probably take superman. The INFP in a way has the same alter-ego problem. The girl who walks past the shy nice guy and sees no interest, won't necessarily walk past the amazing introverted world that lies behind it. The world has been and always will be dynamic. Most people actually get more attraction out of an event that changes their views and seeing something familiar in a new light, than they do from an attractive first glance. And it is normally a far stronger and complete attraction.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  3. #73
    Senior Member aguanile's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Babylon Candle View Post
    2. Not valuing yourself enough.

    How great can this person be, if they dont want to be with YOU, the greatest person in YOUR OWN LIFE???? it seems so simple, but really, i think the attraction just blinds us to seeing this oh so simple one.

    do you really want to be with someone who is so dense as to not like you? (i realise this sounds narcissistic, im assuming the people reading this probably dont suffer from it )
    This is basically what I have decided 2009 will be about for me. I have to love myself first. That sounds so cliche, but in my life it is so necessary.

    As CaptainChick said, I too am a romantic masochist! That is the perfect phrase for it. I posed the idea to my friends before (not as eloquently) and they just dismissed it. I think it is a real problem though. I go for people that don't like me and people go for me that I don't like. It sure is frustrating!

    Back to the above post. I told someone that very thing tonight. You should be with someone who likes you for you!

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  5. #75
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aguanile View Post
    I think it is a real problem though. I go for people that don't like me and people go for me that I don't like. It sure is frustrating!

    Back to the above post. I told someone that very thing tonight. You should be with someone who likes you for you!
    2009 - The Year of Settling.

    High-five!

  6. #76
    it's a nuclear device antireconciler's Avatar
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    That's hard for me to deal with, but it makes sense. I like it.

    There's some logic to it that people who end up in the friend zone have, in a sense, themselves requested to be there.
    ~ a n t i r e c o n c i l e r
    What is death, dies.
    What is life, lives.

  7. #77
    Resident Snot-Nose GZA's Avatar
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    This weeks assignment is to just flat out ask "nice shoes, wanna fuck?"

    Post results promptly.

  8. #78
    Senior Member aufs klo's Avatar
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    Is that a huge hickey on his neck?
    What's up universe?

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