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  1. #31
    Resident Snot-Nose GZA's Avatar
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    Well, you could make yourself dead sexy and irresistable. Go lift some weights or something

    I'm in the midst of recovery myself. Hell, I'd even say I've completely recovered attitude wise but just need some experience. I had a horrible phase when I was like 13 where I was "the friend" to a few girls I was either insanely attracted to/in love with. I'll be 17 in three weeks, just to give you an idea of my age and stuff. I now make sure I only become friends with girls I am not attracted to. I think just in general I've improved my confidence and I think my personality has grown, and I'm understanding it a lot better, too. I no longer go to sleep thinking woe-is-me-and-my-lonliness quite like I did back then (not that I still don't have episodes now and then ).

    How I try to avoid the friendzone is by not neccesarily being friendly. What I mean is, be friendly, but not like "hey, we should hang out some time" "i love you" or "your my best friend" friendly. Be nice, but don't be afriad to tease her a bit, too, and don't treat her like she is the queen of earth because she is hot. Hell, do the opposite, tease her a bit jokingly so she knows you don't think of her as the end all be all of everything. I think that was the thing I screwed up when I was younger. It's actually funny, and sad, how many good opportunities I had when I was younger that I never knew about but now realize I missed out on because once they got to know me a bit I was friendzoned. Also avoid the word friend being associated between the two of you. I never refer to a girl I'm attracted to as my friend, just to avoid brand association :P.

    I've found that just general stuff you should do in any conversation is helpful, like having good eye contact and body language (i.e. some smiling, facing the person, ect) make conversations a bit more fun and less anxious.

    Do you have really great hobbies you love? I think this has helped me a lot. I don't care if girls like me or not that much these days, because I'm not exactly looking to get married anytime soon, and even if I do wish I had a girlfriend or a FwB or something, I don't mind because I still have ways to occupy my time just as well.

    I still have some work to do, but at least I now have some prospects to think about. Rather than getting friendzoned, girls actually like me now and flirt a bit (or at least I notice it more when it actually happens). I still need to actually get some experience, and I'm afraid I may be somewhat avoidant of intamacy, but I havn't been friendzoned by anyone I was attracted to for almost two years now, and thats what counts.

  2. #32
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GZA View Post
    Well, you could make yourself dead sexy and irresistable. Go lift some weights or something

    Do you have really great hobbies you love?
    I think this has helped me a lot. I don't care if girls like me or not that much these days, because I'm not exactly looking to get married anytime soon, and even if I do wish I had a girlfriend or a FwB or something, I don't mind because I still have ways to occupy my time just as well.
    my hobby IS lifting weights! seriously....im obsessed with eating right and getting bigger stronger leaner... in about the last 1.5 years i went from 160lbs 11%body fat to 200lbs 15% bf, now to 190lbs 12% bodyfat...




    How I try to avoid the friendzone is by not neccesarily being friendly. What I mean is, be friendly, but not like "hey, we should hang out some time" "i love you" or "your my best friend" friendly. Be nice, but don't be afriad to tease her a bit, too, and don't treat her like she is the queen of earth because she is hot. Hell, do the opposite, tease her a bit jokingly so she knows you don't think of her as the end all be all of everything.
    im all for flirting (and i just have no problem doing it with girls im not actaully interested in)...but the teasing thing...i just end up doing it wrong around girls i like, , so kinda now just try to be funny...which gets laughs and they can get animated....but i can definatly say its not the same as straight up flirting


    I've found that just general stuff you should do in any conversation is helpful, like having good eye contact and body language (i.e. some smiling, facing the person, ect) make conversations a bit more fun and less anxious.
    this is probably the stuff i subconsciously do different when around diff girls (like as in, i like, i dont life)

    thanks for the post. your younger than me...but i mean, hey, its the same problem!

  3. #33
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    hmm. I'm just shooting my mouth off here so if you think it's ridiculous then you can ignore it.

    have you tried befriending a friend of hers, and then let slip some cues that you like her? girls tend to gossip a lot and I gather word will get round to her eventually. Then if she responds to you with some cues or even better, come straight out to reciprocate, then you probably can respond better.

    From what I've experienced, (which isn't a lot btw ) I tend to be a bit shy and awkward around people I like because I idealize them to a degree where I think I'm unworthy of them. (like what cc said) However if I can see a bit of human weakness the idealized image disappears and I can act like myself again. Perhaps you could work at destroying the perfect image you have of her (a hiatus might help you gain a different perspective) then you can act like yourself again? (and flirt like you can)

    I know I don't really make sense here. but well, just my 2 cents.

  4. #34
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Endolori View Post
    hmm. I'm just shooting my mouth off here so if you think it's ridiculous then you can ignore it.

    have you tried befriending a friend of hers, and then let slip some cues that you like her? girls tend to gossip a lot and I gather word will get round to her eventually. Then if she responds to you with some cues or even better, come straight out to reciprocate, then you probably can respond better.

    From what I've experienced, (which isn't a lot btw ) I tend to be a bit shy and awkward around people I like because I idealize them to a degree where I think I'm unworthy of them. (like what cc said) However if I can see a bit of human weakness the idealized image disappears and I can act like myself again. Perhaps you could work at destroying the perfect image you have of her (a hiatus might help you gain a different perspective) then you can act like yourself again? (and flirt like you can)

    I know I don't really make sense here. but well, just my 2 cents.
    theres no test one must pass to give advice :lol: .....dont be so shy about helping out!

    destroying their perfect image seems like an ok temporary fix...but as an INFP, im not sure how id feel about tearing down someone else, even if its only going on in my silent head....




    this is what im secretly worried about:

    im going to sit here reading all this advice brooding about all of this...then suddenly si/te will come to bail me out as i get pissed and then i WILL have the energy to fake it (XSTX) for a week or two....which doesnt solve anything, because eventually that will fade....

  5. #35
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Yeah. I don't know if you want the girls who are gonna fall for that, though.
    Nonsense. The smarter (and/or more idealistic) the girl the quicker she'll fall for it. If he does it right and is somewhat good-looking. It's only once they get older and have made that mistake a few times that it stops working on the good ones. Usually. Sometimes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    And then you have to be yourself sometime. It sounds like you are looking for a girlfriend, not a one-nighter, right?
    Oh, you're looking for Disney? Well...I'm afraid I can't help you there. Um. Make a lot of money?

  6. #36
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    destroying their perfect image seems like an ok temporary fix...but as an INFP, im not sure how id feel about tearing down someone else, even if its only going on in my silent head....
    hmm what I actually meant is just make her human instead of like, a goddess or something. Not to demean her or to make her less than what she is. Was just thinking that perhaps if you could view her as a human, with mistakes and failings, then you could be more sure of yourself and be more confident.

    At least, that's the way it works for me.

  7. #37
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Dude, before I even read your post, just by reading your title my response was :

    "INFP -- you are the quintessential Nice Guy."

    I would recommend perusing AskMen.com and other 'dude' websites to read up on advice.

    One big, BIG thing about how NOT to be friend zoned:

    1) Make your intentions clear and act accordingly.

    The intentions and thoughts you have for someone you are carnally or romantically interested in IS different from someone you just want to be friends with. If, as a Nice Guy you swear they are the same, because love stars with friendship and you just want to 'get to know' someone better, then that's your problem. Game over.

    You have to get on track as early as possible onto a romantic/physical route or else you get put on the shelf as a friend. Otherwise it's really your own fault for not making it clear to the woman OR by making it unintentionally clear. Sometimes the shy nice guy act is endearing, but only if the woman had physical interest in you from the get go. You still only get a short window to make your move, otherwise, again, game over.

    I'm not saying you have to be a dog to get lucky with the ladies, but you do have to learn how to see things from the woman's POV. Able bodied, healthy women under 30 (heck any age) get A LOT of attention from men. Most of it unwanted or unreturned. You're really swimming against the tide and if you want a better shot with dating, again, make your intentions clear and act accordingly.

    Hope this helps my XNFP brother!

    And I love dishing out solicited advice so let me know what you think.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  8. #38
    Junior Member Brutus01's Avatar
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    gah i live in the friendzone...im just the nice funny guy...nothing more...sigh
    "It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not." ~Andre Gide

  9. #39
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brutus01 View Post
    gah i live in the friendzone...im just the nice funny guy...nothing more...sigh
    Never fear. Chances are several women have you pegged as possible marriage material (once they've had their "fun").

  10. #40
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    I think it's a problem because society expects males to act typically as a Thinker while females as a Feeler. So people assume you're gay or effeminate when you're just feely. I have no problem with NFs but SF males I do. They tend to see me as someone they're better than or have to prove more over for some reason. Yes ESFJs and ISFJs males got some beef with me. I do nothing and suddenly they act aggressive and macho and I'm looking at them weird.

    I know an INFP male, people think he's dumb or like a kid. I treat him as I treat everyone straight up. Since I naturally make people get in trouble, I always dare him to get into trouble which he usually does and he enjoys it.

    I think you feely boys would do better with those thinker girls. especially those mind control types like estjs or estps.

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