User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 78

  1. #11
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    9,849

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SquirrelTao View Post
    Have you made moves and been rejected, or have you been waiting for cues/moves from the gals?

    My husband was in my "friend zone". One day he pointblank asked me if I wanted to go out some time. When I just looked at him, he said, "You know, like on a date." And then it went from there. Later he said the only way he got enough courage was because he got mad. I guess he meant he was mad at himself for being afraid? I'm not sure, LOL.
    I think he is talking about another "friend zone" here.

    Guys who are "friend-zoned" are those who have crushes on females, and have exhibited and or expressed, more or less, their romantic interest in them only to be told/find out that these females don't share their romantic feelings because they just "don't see them in that kind of way".
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  2. #12
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,128

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SquirrelTao View Post
    Have you made moves and been rejected, or have you been waiting for cues/moves from the gals?

    My husband was in my "friend zone". One day he pointblank asked me if I wanted to go out some time. When I just looked at him, he said, "You know, like on a date." And then it went from there. Later he said the only way he got enough courage was because he got mad. I guess he meant he was mad at himself for being afraid? I'm not sure, LOL.
    that would be me in a nutshell...would you mind me asking how old you guys were when that happened? ive never had that courage. now i have run the bases a couple of times....what i mean is that ive never had the courage with girls that i actaully like "LIKE". hard to explain i know...

    ill often try n prep myself for that moment...to like ask about a date or make a move or wahtever. but by making it "a moment", then it puts too much pressure on myself and i freeze at the moment and just tell myself "ah let it go...just friends..."

    im so neurotic . so ya many of my friendships with girls i like, i just wait and wait for some sort of cue...and i of course never get one... im guessing the only way to know is TO ASK, but without a cue i just feel like im shooting into the dark.

  3. #13
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,128

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    I think he is talking about another "friend zone" here.

    Guys who are "friend-zoned" are those who have crushes on females, and have exhibited and or expressed, more or less, their romantic interest in them only to be told/find out that these females don't share their romantic feelings because they just "don't see them in that kind of way".
    actaully this friend zone would be the one, where i havent really expressed that interest in any way other than, time spent, laughing, trying to get aninmated responses etc....i know itd be easy to just ask...but i just feel like i often get that sense of me just being a friend...

    i kinda feel like, even though i never ask....i feel like i spend enough time to make it obvious enough that i might a cue or two??


    edit: what do you think of my thoughts to ur post one page back?

  4. #14
    Senior Member helen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    241

    Default

    I don't think the friend zone is a bad place to be. I think it's very nice to be able to get to know someone as a friend before developing a romantic relationship.

    As far as getting out of the friend zone goes, you could try to do something out of the ordinary that you wouldn't normally do for "just a friend" and that might get her thinking about you differently. It doesn't have to be major, and it doesn't have to be pushy. Nor do you have to turn into an ESTP. Sweet and old fashioned is good, in my book. Pick her some flowers, or tell her a sentimental song reminds you of her, or buy her some chocolate. She will know you are interested and will feel special, but such small gestures are unlikely to ruin a friendship, if that is what you are worried about.

    Of course, it depends on the girl. Different people like to be pursued differently. I also believe it is important to find someone who likes to be pursued the way you like to pursue. So my suggestions may be utterly worthless, but maybe they will get you thinking in the right direction.

    Best of luck to you!
    "There ain't no doubt in no one's mind that love's the finest thing around. Whisper something soft and kind." --James Taylor

  5. #15
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    9,849

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Babylon Candle View Post

    i realized long ago, that moving mountains is easier than getting out of the zone
    Well then, why don't you just accept ultimate failure and defeat.

    This is a self-defeating, self-fulfilling prophecy man, you are contributing to your own demise.

    Stop that negative nonsense, silly!!!



    an INFP, a romantic? naaaawwww
    Lol, I'm a recovering romantic myself...

    not sure bout the masochist thing...i generally dont pursue girls that i feel are out of my league
    I am, (sure that you are being a masochist), are you an enneagram 4 by any chance?

    I know I am, I believe we tend to be our own worst enemies.

    And I apologize if I am projecting here.


    i do have issues with confronting the reality. part of it is that im so old relative to these issues and behind in experience that im not sure i really know *how* to have a relationship...and therefore i just cultivate friendships with otherwise attractive girls.... did i really just...maybe answer my own question??
    Lol, you just saved yourself thousands of dollars of what could have been countless hours spent in therapy sessions.

    Nobody ever knows *how* to have a relationship, such knowledge comes about strictly, experientially.

    Don't *think* about it, *be* about it.

    And remember, your fear here is the ultimate source of your inexperience.

    im often hit on by girls that im not attracted too ...i feel that by definition though, if im not attracted to them, then how is that ever gonna work???
    Yup, you're a 4.



    I think this more or less proves the fact that you are frightened of the prospect of actual intimacy.

    Why weren't you attracted to them, if you don't mind my asking?

    thanks so much! your response was along the lines of something i was looking for. im tired of the "stop being a ***Y" answers i get from people when i talk about the friend zone...

    oh ur ENFP....i like ENFPs
    No problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by Babylon Candle View Post
    actaully this friend zone would be the one, where i havent really expressed that interest in any way other than, time spent, laughing, trying to get aninmated responses etc....i know itd be easy to just ask...but i just feel like i often get that sense of me just being a friend...

    i kinda feel like, even though i never ask....i feel like i spend enough time to make it obvious enough that i might a cue or two??
    No, you have implicitly shown your interest.

    Unless these girls are *incredibly* shy, or incredibly socially clueless, they most likely know that you have romantic interest in them.

    Reading this leads me to somehow believe that your fears are more sexually-based, from perhaps a lack of sexual experience.

    How shy are you?
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  6. #16
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,128

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    Yup, you're a 4.
    wait what about being hit on by girls i dont like makes me a 4!!!! (like i would actaully know what that is )

    Why weren't you attracted to them, if you don't mind my asking?
    i often get a sense of shallowness when a girl of average looks hits on me....like if i dont really know her, shes only going by my looks...(when shes attractive i cant help but at least entertain the thought! how horribly SJ of me lol) ... second, if im not phsyically attracted to them, i will have no problem flirting with them, having fun etc....im not an asshole...but i just wont feel right about it.


    No, you have implicitly shown your interest.

    Unless these girls are *incredibly* shy, or incredibly socially clueless, they most likely know that you have romantic interest in them.
    i agree, they have to know....and are not showing any interest back on purpose probably. (not that its of malicious purpose)

    Reading this leads me to somehow believe that your fears are more sexually-based, from perhaps a lack of sexual experience.

    How shy are you?
    ive slept with three girls. im in college, never had a gf.

    im definatly shy. there are those few individuals i just feel comfortable with...regardless of how long ive known them. often when in a group of say 5, ill only really be *there* with 2 of them.

    im the shy guy that will talk your ear off...if that makes sense? there are those who i just am not comfortable with and i wont make a sound...then there are others who i just "feel comfortable with"... im shy with most people....but i have my silly switch sometimes...when im at my best, and most happy, im putting Ne first if that makes sense to you, (it should, you ENFP you ) and might even be characterized as outgoing! but when its all averaged out over a span of time... im a shy introvert.

  7. #17
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Well, I think CC has really hit the nail on the head here, so I can't add much.

    I would think that if you're like JD from Scrubs in personality, there would be lots of cool girls attracted to that! Myself included. It could just be that your fears are being projected outwards, like CC was saying.

    It's true that you can't really make a girl that's friended you, unfriend you. Don't spin your wheels there. Work on your fears and attack the world anew. You seem like a really nice guy.

  8. #18
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w9
    Posts
    479

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    There is *nothing* you can do to avoid being "friend-zoned" by a girl you like who happens to just not be interested in you romantically/sexually.

    Realize that *you* are the one who's pursuing girls who are, in turn, "rejecting" you.

    There are plenty of fish in the sea, what is it about *you*, that attracts you to girls who don't find you attractive?

    Perhaps you are a romantic masochist..

    Perhaps you have intimacy issues and by pursuing, what is, essentially a "fantasy", you avoid ever having to confront the *realities* of love, in a real-life relationship context where imperfections, disappointments and difficulties are ultimately, and inevitably revealed. (It ain't all flowers and fireworks).


    -CC
    fellow infjs/infps she just said it all right there. thats just about as good as it gets. its hard and i don't do it, but that is what it takes.

    all i can really say is to just be patient and wait because eventually you'll find the person even though it's difficult.

  9. #19
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,128

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tENnisFJ View Post
    its hard and i don't do it, but that is what it takes.
    theory is usaully easier than application...at least to me it is . its one thing to see why you do things wrong and how you do things wrong... its quite another to change the things you do in light of theses realizations.

  10. #20
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,128

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I would think that if you're like JD from Scrubs in personality, there would be lots of cool girls attracted to that!
    ok well, JD on my best day...more like Fry from futurama on my worst days lol

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] What attracts an ENFP male and how do you keep him?
    By Lightyear in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 51
    Last Post: 01-24-2017, 03:58 PM
  2. [ISFP] Are you an ISFP male and in LOVE?
    By floral87 in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-23-2016, 08:54 AM
  3. [INFP] The weird place I found an INFP lead. And why you INFPs should totally check it out.
    By flameskull95 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 06-09-2012, 09:34 AM
  4. [NF] The weird place I found an INFP lead. And why you INFPs should totally check it out.
    By flameskull95 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 06-09-2012, 09:25 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO