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  1. #1
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    Default Trying to understand ENFJ's

    So, enfj's are basically a mystery to me. When I hang around them, especially when they're close to me, there are frequent hurt feelings.

    I have no idea why or what is going on. All I know is I feel like I"m hurting my ENFJ friend by just being myself. It almost feels like, if he can't be of assistance to me 24/7, he just radiates pain or anger or something. I think he also gets pissed when I'm closed up or guarded nearby.

    Idunno, someone tell me things cuz I'm clueless, thanks.

  2. #2
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    So, enfj's are basically a mystery to me. When I hang around them, especially when they're close to me, there are frequent hurt feelings.

    I have no idea why or what is going on. All I know is I feel like I"m hurting my ENFJ friend by just being myself. It almost feels like, if he can't be of assistance to me 24/7, he just radiates pain or anger or something. I think he also gets pissed when I'm closed up or guarded nearby.

    Idunno, someone tell me things cuz I'm clueless, thanks.
    The surest way to win ENFJs acceptance is to let them be your personal life guru and worship them as Messiahs that they are. Once you commit your very soul to their superior understanding of metaphysical world which importance superceeds that of physical world (by far), you can finally be amongst a loyal Friend who will always be there for you with a delicious cup of kool aid in hand every time your mind feels thirsty.

    Oh and don't call them "snake oil salesman". They hate that shit.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.
    Likes bundleofsunshine liked this post

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    The surest way to win ENFJs acceptance is to let them be your personal life guru and worship them as Messiahs that they are. Once you commit your very soul to their superior understanding of metaphysical world which importance superceeds that of physical world (by far), you can finally be amongst a loyal Friend who will always be there for you with a delicious cup of kool aid in hand every time your mind feels thirsty.

    Oh and don't call them "snake oil salesman". They hate that shit.
    It certainly seems that's the case sometimes. I don't want to believe it but it seems like it. The worst part is when they want to help but usually fuck everything up.

  4. #4
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    The worst part is when they want to help but usually fuck everything up.
    You just have to keep looking for the right one. You'll know you found him when he tells about his awesome commune in Guyana.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  5. #5
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    The things to understand are that they are narcissistic attention-whoring drama-queens and masters of manipulation; I much prefer ISTPs.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Vilku's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    So, enfj's are basically a mystery to me. When I hang around them, especially when they're close to me, there are frequent hurt feelings.

    I have no idea why or what is going on. All I know is I feel like I"m hurting my ENFJ friend by just being myself. It almost feels like, if he can't be of assistance to me 24/7, he just radiates pain or anger or something. I think he also gets pissed when I'm closed up or guarded nearby.

    Idunno, someone tell me things cuz I'm clueless, thanks.
    that sounds like me and my entp friend. check up socionics entp introverted ethics: http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=ILE

    also estpäs have a similar weakness, however, never experienced this with an estp.

    @ other comments: wow, we have such a fine reputation it seems! =D (tip: encourage us to deduce instead of induce. getting us into the right conclusions is about that simple strategy change.)
    healthiness is all about appreciating other peoples inferior function. its like the sore spot no one ever notices, but we desperately wish they did, and if you focus on doing that, youll have many friends. and also learn to appreciate your own inferior function, others wont find it stupid if you show them how cool it is.

    INTJ 4w3 Sp Sx. (i dont believe in tritype. i do believe in learning traits from others.)

    mistakes happen. expect them, and grow from them. look for them, and avoid them.

  7. #7
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    They strive to know you.

    In matching their energy,

    A conflict is born.

  8. #8
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I find that STPs in general can..hurt you without realizing it coz they do not naturally check up on you as you would expect from a friend. It's like..they are so in the moment that every time you come accross them, the question will be...will you be the most exciting thing in that moment and will they be in the mood for your particular type of stimulus? Or are they going to ignore you this time? It is like this all or nothing thing, and it can be highly exhilarating to be their focus yet really cold when you get ignored by them.

    It is sometimes hard to feel connected to stps due to that, and makes them 'slippery'. It also leads to insecurity as to where you stand with them I find and takes a lot of adjusting on the other persons part. I think especially NFs perhaps are sensitive to this. Considering an Fe-doms need for checking up on people and keeping track of their network, I can imagine it being hard on them, especially if they havent realized yet that other people perceive the world differently.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  9. #9
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Seems more Enneagram 2 related than anything.

    Tell him how important he is to your life, that you're so lucky to have such a good friend (be as effusive as possible), BUT you need a break. Then vanish for a while.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I find that STPs in general can..hurt you without realizing it coz they do not naturally check up on you as you would expect from a friend. It's like..they are so in the moment that every time you come accross them, the question will be...will you be the most exciting thing in that moment and will they be in the mood for your particular type of stimulus? Or are they going to ignore you this time? It is like this all or nothing thing, and it can be highly exhilarating to be their focus yet really cold when you get ignored by them.

    It is sometimes hard to feel connected to stps due to that, and makes them 'slippery'. It also leads to insecurity as to where you stand with them I find and takes a lot of adjusting on the other persons part. I think especially NFs perhaps are sensitive to this. Considering an Fe-doms need for checking up on people and keeping track of their network, I can imagine it being hard on them, especially if they havent realized yet that other people perceive the world differently.
    Hmm, good point. I've actually experienced this with other ESFP's.

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