Hello, greetings, welcome. I did not know whether this is the correct place to post this or the most effective place to post it.
Basically I am being trolled to shit by my inferior function. I am not just talking about greater misanthropy or being ever more hyper-critical of other's failings but a full domination of my life (its there waving its bits about in every endeavour and thought.) It is an issue plugged into many different areas of myself so I don't know whether I can articulate the entirety of its nature but alas I shall try.
I only recently came around to the idea that Fi and Te were two sides of the same coin. However in recent years the coin is being tossed more and more and it is making me dizzy: I consciously perceive the intervention of Te ideas in my daily life but for the most part they are outside and removed from my Fi value system. This means I face unnecessary conflict on a) how to divert my energy b) how to rectify situations c) what I should aim for in life etc. I find myself wanting both but there is no way to have both and I am left adrift, indecisive and often frustrated (the blasted thing forgets to suggest tangible ways of making progressive steps to the particular goal so there is an even bigger need to facepalm.)
I have only just returned from a vacation and when on vacation (and being exposed to business news, stocks/shares etc) it was on full overdrive mode. I wanted to invest in xyz country or do business there (this is despite possessing a persistent sense that the world has a bleak future without the potential for much growth), wanted to buy stocks and shares and on the rare occasion where it reached critical mass establish my own corporation so I could move the entire world (figuratively.) The issue is that this voice is strong however I lack the skills, knowledge and tools if you will to actualise it: I have an inexplicable illiteracy if not outright retardation regarding understanding interest rates, markets, shares and the associated pieces which haven't been remedied despite studying the topics. Yet despite my disability the Te urges me on: it does not urge me to fix something but it wants me to get involved (despite being primitive and crude) and knowing that I risk a sense of inner death if I proceed.
To add a cherry to the top there is always a sense of uneasiness if not outright weariness and nausea when it comes to these topics. It's been occurring more and more in the last couple of years and it is enticing because if properly utilised it could offer solutions to many issues that have plagued me for a long time (I feel it has tempered my understanding of the world to a degree and made me more tolerant of systems I care little about.) However I would not know the first way to go about cultivating it.
Could anybody help? Could others relate and suggest ways to nurture or nullify it so these troubles could be at least mitigated? Or at least suggest likely ways it could progress so I can make future projections for my mindset? Heh, any feedback could be useful in helping me to rein this loose end in.