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  1. #31
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I think I mentioned this - I was really down for a while after graduating college. I drowned in guilt and shame, grew numb, stopped caring, and eventually realized that since I was unwilling to consider offing myself, I might as well do something useful for someone else.

    I decided that I'd try to please my parents, so I threw myself into job applications, got a part-time position, started making an effort because I had an obligation... and then I met a guy and we started dating and spent months in giddy infatuation... then I was promoted to full-time... then I got into a conflict with a pig-headed manager and worked my tail off to prove myself against her... she eventually got demoted... then I was promoted to assistant manager... then I moved into my own place... and recently I've decided my future career path, dropped to part-time, and gone back to school. I'm not back to 100% yet, but maybe 75%, maybe more. I've had a really good last two days and I'm getting there. Now I'm spending my energy on my relationship, my family, school, work, and trying to balance all of that. It's not always amazing of course but it feels meaningful because those are all things I really value. I feel like I'm back "in" the world instead of staring at it from outside.

    Each time I stopped focusing as much on myself, it got easier. I don't mean this in terms of taking care of myself, but in terms of choosing an external goal and focusing on that. I feel like there's a really careful balance that has to be struck between taking care of yourself and prioritizing yourself, and getting sucked into the depressive world of nothing mattering but yourself. It's a really bizarre form of self-centeredness, one that simultaneously focuses on the self and puts down the self. And as a result, I think one potential antidote is to stop focusing on the self and to just go out in the world and do. To sort of, strangely, tell yourself that you're not going to listen to your negative judgments about yourself or your life for right now.

    I didn't understand it then, but my parents told me that it was better to just go do something and not worry about whether it was an appealing thing or not. I remember this one day when I was still a part-timer and before I met my boyfriend when I was tying some bags or some really menial task and all of a sudden I realized that I was, completely inexplicably, content and joyful at that moment. I shouldn't have even liked the task if I wasn't depressey, but there the joy was. My dad's a psychiatrist and he's told me that they encourage people who are depressed to just keep doing the things they like, even if it doesn't seem enjoyable, because often what they find is that after doing it a number of times, the joy, inexplicably, starts to return. At least for me, I think a big part of it was getting out of my own head and not letting myself be so impacted by my negative opinion of my life.

    I dunno, @Magic Qwan, if any of that's helpful, but that's been my personal experience with having felt numb and useless and that my life was meaningless, and having been lucky enough to have parents and peers who guided me back on a path of caring and color and feeling meaning in my life again.
    It is helpful...

    I have parents that tell me I just don't care and will never do anything in life because I'm lazy...
    Besides spacing out, which I admit is pretty unproductive, it seems like all I do is work, study, get on TypeC, eat, and sleep...
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  2. #32
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    It is helpful...

    I have parents that tell me I just don't care and will never do anything in life because I'm lazy...
    Besides spacing out, which I admit is pretty unproductive, it seems like all I do is work, study, get on TypeC, eat, and sleep...
    Working and studying are both significant and meaningful! They pave the way to open doors. You're still a kid, really, and as long as you're making progress towards college, you're on the way. I know it's hard to dismiss the opinions of your parents, but try not to let them impact you so much, and you know that you will do something and that you're already doing something. ExTJs as I'm sure you're more than aware can be a little blinded sometimes because they don't understand the way Ps work in spurts, as opposed to the constant Te output-churning. Keep your head held high and your path steady. College is fantastic and you'll be there soon.

    The thing is... meaning isn't ever missing... you can either find it or create it. If you can't find in then you just have to create it. You have to decide what you want and go for it, or just throw yourself into something and see what your Fi discovers.

  3. #33
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Working and studying are both significant and meaningful! They pave the way to open doors. You're still a kid, really, and as long as you're making progress towards college, you're on the way. I know it's hard to dismiss the opinions of your parents, but try not to let them impact you so much, and you know that you will do something and that you're already doing something. ExTJs as I'm sure you're more than aware can be a little blinded sometimes because they don't understand the way Ps work in spurts, as opposed to the constant Te output-churning. Keep your head held high and your path steady. College is fantastic and you'll be there soon.

    The thing is... meaning isn't ever missing... you can either find it or create it. If you can't find in then you just have to create it. You have to decide what you want and go for it, or just throw yourself into something and see what your Fi discovers.
    There is this one out of state college I visited that just feels right...
    My mother is all like "No, stay near me..."
    I can only use the scholarship once, though...
    It really feels like I am making one big choice I can't make wrong...
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  4. #34
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    There is this one out of state college I visited that just feels right...
    My mother is all like "No, stay near me..."
    I can only use the scholarship once, though...
    It really feels like I am making one big choice I can't make wrong...
    It's not so much the destination, but the journey. You won't mess up as long as you're moving forward. Plus, it's pretty easy to transfer schools once you've gotten in.

    But if it feels right for you, you've got to try to go for it, even if it's not your mom's favorite. It's your college experience, not hers. Fortunately, you are the one who writes the applications.

  5. #35
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    It's not so much the destination, but the journey. You won't mess up as long as you're moving forward. Plus, it's pretty easy to transfer schools once you've gotten in.

    But if it feels right for you, you've got to try to go for it, even if it's not your mom's favorite. It's your college experience, not hers. Fortunately, you are the one who writes the applications.
    Alright!
    I will humor her and try a nearer college, but I just have a gut feeling about that place...
    I want to be far enough to truly experience myself, but near enough not to upset her...
    I don't aim to upset anybody...
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  6. #36
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    Alright!
    I will humor her and try a nearer college, but I just have a gut feeling about that place...
    I want to be far enough to truly experience myself, but near enough not to upset her...
    I don't aim to upset anybody...
    Yes! That balance is fantastic. I was 3 hours away from home and I thought it was perfect. It was far enough that I was independent but close enough that if there was an emergency (which there was, a few times), we could travel the distance quickly.

    Also your mom might be a little pushy but she is your mom and wants what's best for you. If she's an STJ, you should probably be able to put together a great logical, fact-based argument for why that college would be better for you that would help sway her.

  7. #37
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Yes! That balance is fantastic. I was 3 hours away from home and I thought it was perfect. It was far enough that I was independent but close enough that if there was an emergency (which there was, a few times), we could travel the distance quickly.

    Also your mom might be a little pushy but she is your mom and wants what's best for you. If she's an STJ, you should probably be able to put together a great logical, fact-based argument for why that college would be better for you that would help sway her.
    There is this one college that is 1 hour away, that I wouldn't mind going to...and I think my mother might be an NTJ, because she has a little bit of a creative side to her and she gives off more of that vibe...

    She is slightly more cluttered than my step-father, but she is still able to find everything and fits Te-dom in that she works at a steady pace...
    I also noticed she picks up on these little cues at times I don't notice...but maybe that's just me...
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  8. #38
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    By the way, I was going through an emotional low point when this topic started, now I'm back to average...
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  9. #39
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
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    Change is good, maybe you need some of it. If you've already bottomed out, then it can only get better from here.

    My bro is 6w7. We both grew up in kind of a bad house, but i left when i turned 18 whereas he stayed home even though he is older than me. He's just a genuinely nice guy, but doesn't look out for himself though I wish he did. You'll find your own way, just trust yourself.
    {The Diplomat}
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  10. #40

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    @Magic Qwan I can relate to what you are going throught. I am experiencing pretty much the same and the only thing I can say is... Don't try to find meaning outside of yourself, try to findi it inside of you. People give meaning to things around them, without people, there wouldn't be anyone with a need for meaning, so no meaning would exists. Only you can create your own meaning and only you can go your own path.

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