Oh goodness! How could I forget the vigor of my youth (so long ago... 5, 6 years, is it?*)?! Yes, I punched a hole in my sister's wall, kicked a hole in her door, and cracked my mom's shin bone (not intentionally... she was behind me as I was kicking my sister's door, and got my rebound swing-back). I was a violent little lass. I haven't done anyhthing like that since. These days, my sister and I get along great, and my mom's leg is A-OK.
Since my verbally abusive episode towards the vacuum cleaner in the early 2000's, I have been trying to be very careful when I am angry. Anger is no excuse to tear someone else down emotionally like that.
Most of the time, driven far enough, I just go dictatorial Te and start barking out "You need to do this" "You should do this" "DO THIS NOW!" "Get off my back!" "Stay away!" etc.
Then cry. (only with husband)
Then silent treatment.
Hot, tempermental anger tends to make me nauseous in the past few years so predictibly I allow myself to get angry like that a lot less. When I feel anger sweeping over me, I have to pause and stop it or else feel sick and what person in their right mind wants to feel sick?
Thanks for the replies. I can see now that it isnt just me, and that my fear is not just my imagination..
Originally Posted by wolfmaiden14
If I actually get to that point from the high tolerance I've built up.. you will be in pain.
Whether it's because I break something physically or start sarcastically stabbing you emotionally with all the weaknesses and personal fears of yours that I've picked up on but not mentioned out of courtesy.. really depends on the situation.
And most likely either way I'll be staring you down the whole time. And I will feel absolutely no remorse because at that point, you WILL have deserved it and I won't hold back.
This is very close to what I was talking about. Have you read the norse myth about the wolf that gets loose from its chains and eats the sun (prophecy of the seeress)? Thats how the possible scenario of me raging looks like in my mind.
Originally Posted by Leysing
The second time the target of my fiery wrath ran away and yelled "She went crazy!"
Originally Posted by phoenix13
Major upsets, however, tend to result in implosion followed by barely controlled, moderately focused explosion at the one who's wronged me. Perhaps it's learned, but I tend to numb myself by default when the transgression occurs, take a day to figure out why the hell I'm so pissed off, and then shove a stick up their ass the next day.
Sounds familiar. I mostly retreat and find good reason why I should forgive. If it doesnt work, I stay away a bit longer.
Originally Posted by Angry Ayrab
In the last month I can say that I lost my temper really bad in public at least 7 times on complete strangers.
Thats weird.. I cant imagine myself getting angry like that.
Originally Posted by phoenix13
Oh goodness! How could I forget the vigor of my youth (so long ago... 5, 6 years, is it?*)?! Yes, I punched a hole in my sister's wall, kicked a hole in her door, and cracked my mom's shin bone (not intentionally...
Maybe we should be locked away. It is funny that the idealist stereotype with all the happy little bunnies and rainbows can be so wrong at times.
The last time I lost it was at work. I made a decision that ended up tremendously insulting someone I cared deeply about. When he explained to me that he had never been treated so horribly in all his years with the company I broke. I grabbed the closest thing I could find, a canister of sugar, and slung as hard as I could across the hall and shattered one of those stupid framed "teamwork" posters. I stormed out of the building. I was done. I went home and cried for hours.
I'm about 50-50 E/I NFP and I heard that the negative part of our opposite comes out under stress..so usually I become E/ISTJ, brew my feelings, become extremely cold and angry and want to be left alone, then become pissed and let it out at whoever if they confront me about it. Then I become my regular self and feel bad... sometimes.. The problem with all this is that it takes time for me to get past the initial shock of whatever happened. Whenever something blow-up worthy happens I am in my NFP yeah whatever it's okay state, and then as time goes on I become more stressed and angry enough to let loose..
I can take a lot of shit (lack of a better term) from someone for a long time, but when I explode LOOK OUT. I will go after all their weak points and purposely call them out with what I know will truly hurt to their core. It's not so much the current thing they did to upset me, but everything all wrapped up in one and it is not pretty.
I'm not proud of it and usually really upset for a long period after I do it, but again these have only been directed at people who wronged me a number of times.
"My mom told me there was a weirdo on every bus, but I never could find him." Emo Phillips
I haven't lost my self-control since I was ten. It bothers me. I would like to know how I react if I lose it, but of course I can't make myself lose it, and I'm not sure that I dared if I could. Its like, I have no evidence that I would be dangerous or anything, but it doesn't feel good not knowing...
The second last time I lost it was when I was 8 or something. My brother had left scissors on the floor and we ran around the house and I ended up having the scissors in my foot. I mostly yelled some ugly stuff. Then the last time was when we were fighting outside (i was sick of fighting all the time with him, but he somehow enjoyed it) and I broke his self-confidence by laughing at him while he was trying to keep me down. Im not sure if he ever recovered emotionally. He was devastated by it.
So, now I'm quite a lot older and I don't really know what I might do if I ever lose my sence of right and wrong. I mean, it was really a big surprise for the ten-year-old-me to break someone with a laugh, and I have never done anything like that again, but it makes me think that I could possibly hurt someone really bad if I don't keep myself in check.
Well, Nolla, at 28 I wish I could honestly say that I never blow up anymore, but that would be totally far from the truth. Being a person with extreme emotion, I find it easy to "go off the deep end" sometimes. Yeah, I get angry, cry, and say nasty things more than I should.
I suppose delving into myself and trying to act more rational might help me to get some perspective and not react so emotionally to things. But it is a damned hard process. I find humor helps, though, which is why I have resorted to finding comical ways of expressing my disgruntlement rather than cynical, sarcastic remarks. It doesn't ALWAYS work, though.
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