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  1. #1
    Senior Member Evil Otter's Avatar
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    Default INTP question for INFP females

    I recently came across this girl (INFP type 4) on youtube (Kendra Farber - YouTube). And I must say I find her extremely attractive. So now I'm curious as to what has been the experience of any INFP females in relationships with INTP males. Is/was it an enjoyable relationship? If not, why? If you/he broke it off, why?

    Also, if she is not a particularly good representative of INFP's then please say so.

    Thank you

  2. #2
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lucky13 View Post
    And I must say I find her extremely attractive.
    +1 and not just physically, but aww
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  3. #3
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    aw...I just watched one video and I can relate to her, especially her speaking style. She sounds like she's much more fluent with externalizing her thoughts though, than I am. I can often have a thought and get lost in trying to verbalize said thought (ex: philosophy class presentation. So embarrassing!!!)

    I know another infp guy and he seems similar. We tend not to just be shy, but we sound shy, and sometimes go on and embarrass ourselves.

    My boss is an intp and one of my good friends at work is also an intp. I can relate very well to either one and feel very uninhibited. I can say just about anything to them and they will 'get' me.

    I haven't had romantic relationships with intps (I don't believe) but I can see how it could happen. The only issue I see is that both types are very polite. It would be a very sweet and polite relationship. I would worry about whether the relationship would be dynamic enough.

    Sure, no one likes too much drama in a relationship, but there should be enough something-or-other that the relationship gets off the ground...and keeps going. I can see one person saying 'what do you want for dinner' and the other saying 'whatever you want' and the conversation going for hours. That kind of thing.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Evil Otter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    I can say just about anything to them and they will 'get' me.
    That's kind of what made me think about it. Personally I find it very difficult to find those who understand me well, even online. Though it does seem like INFPs and maybe NFs in general are among the few that do. My best friend is an ENFP for instance. I don't know if I have ever actually met an INFP though so I wouldn't really know.

    Sadly, you are probably right about the dynamics. It probably would be difficult to get the relationship started with both being so polite and reserved. It would probably require a more extroverted mutual friend to push them together. But once together I don't see the dynamics being much of a problem anymore. At least from our side. It seems the INFP would provide us with someone we can share our thoughts with, trust, and help us understand our own (child-like) emotional side. I think we would provide the first two to INFPs, not sure what else we could provide, maybe just a shoulder or not infringing on her independence.(?)

    And I've never been one to get upset just because no one has a preference for dinner... just means whatever is thought up first is good enough.

  5. #5
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lucky13 View Post
    That's kind of what made me think about it. Personally I find it very difficult to find those who understand me well, even online. Though it does seem like INFPs and maybe NFs in general are among the few that do. My best friend is an ENFP for instance. I don't know if I have ever actually met an INFP though so I wouldn't really know.

    Sadly, you are probably right about the dynamics. It probably would be difficult to get the relationship started with both being so polite and reserved. It would probably require a more extroverted mutual friend to push them together. But once together I don't see the dynamics being much of a problem anymore. At least from our side. It seems the INFP would provide us with someone we can share our thoughts with, trust, and help us understand our own (child-like) emotional side. I think we would provide the first two to INFPs, not sure what else we could provide, maybe just a shoulder or not infringing on her independence.(?)

    And I've never been one to get upset just because no one has a preference for dinner... just means whatever is thought up first is good enough.
    I really dont think you can rely on a friend pushing you two together, you kinda need to do it yourself, which may or may not be too big of a task. I think this is one of the major problems with introverted girls, from my experience they are way too passive and you need to push push push all the time and be proactive all the time for anything to happen. At least personally i really hate it. But whats worse is that i can see long term potential, but they dont seem to react to anything properly than some straight forward proactive E type of approach, and if you arent able to do that, the whole thing will fade away..
    I mean your friend cant be there to guide you two to start being more flirtatious, he cant be there to push your lips together, he cant be there to suggest to spend a night together, he cant be there to initiate hot make out session that is more of a foreplay and he certainly cant be there to grab your dick and put it inside her..
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  6. #6
    Senior Member Evil Otter's Avatar
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    I understand all that. I was simply conceding the point that many (read: not all) INTPs do suck at being assertive enough to even ask a girl on a date much less the rest of your list. My idea was more of a starting point for such a person. But you're probably right, if he's that shy he probably needs a guiding hand the whole way and that would be impractical.

  7. #7
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lucky13 View Post
    I understand all that. I was simply conceding the point that many (read: not all) INTPs do suck at being assertive enough to even ask a girl on a date much less the rest of your list. My idea was more of a starting point for such a person. But you're probably right, if he's that shy he probably needs a guiding hand the whole way and that would be impractical.
    Oh i dont think that an INTP couldnt pull that off(some even are really good at this). Im just saying that personally i find it really frustrating when im the only one who takes things forward, its just really draining to keep pushing all the time, especially when the other person might not even send clear signals all the time. i do know that even with extraverts you need to do some pushing yourself too, but its totally different, like running on headwind vs tailwind..
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  8. #8
    Senior Member Evil Otter's Avatar
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    Yeah that can be a problem. But in my own experience extroverted types can also be very overwhelming, throwing so much information at me that I never can quite figure out exactly where I stand with them. They're up, they're down, they're flirting, they're mad at me (because apparently I passed them going to class and didn't say "hi"), etc. Usually when I've been in those relationships the girl kisses me before I even realize we are having "a moment" or the relationship dies because I didn't realize that I was supposed to kiss her right then and now she doesn't think I actually like her.
    I suppose the same thing could happen just as easily with an introvert but they don't seem to produce as much complexity and therefore I'm better able to keep my wits about me.

  9. #9
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    I think being with an INTP is great for me as an INFP woman, because I think it's partly by virtue of his being an INTP that he's able to put up with my competing need for validation AND autonomy. I need a lot of emotional intimacy, but I also need not to be controlled. At the same time, while I get a lot of emotional support from him, I don't get to give him back as much as I'd like because he's so self-reliant in that regard. It's clearly not a relationship deal-breaker for me, since we've been together nearly 20 years, though. Just something to think about.

  10. #10
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    I haven't had romantic relationships with intps (I don't believe) but I can see how it could happen. The only issue I see is that both types are very polite. It would be a very sweet and polite relationship. I would worry about whether the relationship would be dynamic enough.

    Sure, no one likes too much drama in a relationship, but there should be enough something-or-other that the relationship gets off the ground...and keeps going. I can see one person saying 'what do you want for dinner' and the other saying 'whatever you want' and the conversation going for hours. That kind of thing.
    It depends on the individuals. Some INXPs are very laid back and others are more outspoken. I think it will probably come down more to enneagram than MBTI and even then, just about anything can go depending on the circumstances.

    I can see both types not getting something off the ground, though. Both people dancing around it...sending mental "Do you like me? No...really like me? Check "yes" or "no"" messages. But surprises happen. I've met INFPs that, when they made up their minds, they went after what they wanted with a determination that was breathtaking to see.

    And is shrimp fried rice okay for dinner?

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