[INFP] INFPs who want to be INFJs...

[Tiltyred]

I know, right?

 

[Z Buck McFate]

Oh, I realize that in this context, you meant it as an off the cuff remark, but in several other threads you've said something to the same effect. I think the last time, you put the nail video up and said people were just complaining about each others' nails, so I assume on some level it bothers you to let them have it out (maybe seems inefficient if you feel you have a shortcut to the conclusions they'll eventually make?? Just stabbing in the dark). I'm not sure why and I've ruled out most of the reasons I can think of as being implausible. I needed more context to make sense of it, because I assume I am misinterpreting it somehow and I'd rather not. Or maybe a comment is just a comment and I'm only projecting, because if an INFJ said it, it would be a less frontal way of telling people that they are causing problems and need to quit because it's starting to infringe on other people.

Yeah- especially with one liners, I think our interpretation of things is largely informed by past experience of a person, more than others begin to understand. The bad thing about being INFJ is that when something reaches the boiling point, we can't look away for a couple minutes and expect the pot to have returned to room temperature on its own. But it seems like that's what most people expect- like it's unreasonable to hold what they were acting like 10 minutes ago ‘against’ them. [And I mean "10 minutes ago" rhetorically, it can translate into up to "10 years ago" literally.....if the initial impression was big enough, that mental sticky note will last a *long* time.]

If someone repeatedly displays annoyance at what I'm trying to work through aloud (and 'repeatedly' is usually what brings something to a 'boiling point')- it basically makes me feel like they're suggesting I'm imposing something unreasonable on others by trying to work through it aloud**....and my initial reaction is to make a mental sticky note about how that person is sensitive to hearing such things (and to avoid such things being done aloud around that person henceforth). On the plus side, it helps me annoy that person less; if I see they are in the room then I know to avoid bringing certain things up (though that is less practical in forum interaction, because it's hard to see who is 'in the room' per se). On the down side, that person's one line jokes about intervening will almost certainly be informed by this previous expression (unless new information comes along which renders the previous mental sticky note about it moot).

So yeah- I had the same reaction. But then uumlau’s response to the above quote was a good example of new information which comes along to render the mental sticky note moot (it worked towards effectively undoing the ‘shaming’ element of his posts from previous experiences).

**eta: Perhaps an interesting aside to note here is that we (at least, 'I') don't take it personally- where NFPs seem to 'hear' some kind of 'there's something wrong with you' subtext- I simply hear 'this bothers me, please don't do it around me'. I make a mental sticky note about not doing <whatever behavior> around that person, but I don't hear any sort of judgment about me in this sort of 'shaming'. To me, it's more like I see that person as saying "I can't handle this, please don't do it around me."

It's just that sometimes shit ain't funny.

This is a good a place as any to mention that I’ve started reading all Tilty’s posts as if they’re being delivered by Sawyer (from LOST). Apparently, as far as my unconscious is concerned, there isn’t a female actress smart-ass enough to fill the role.

It is pretty much the reason I fight to the death. Just an attack on me doesn't usually motivate a death match from me, because I often feel stronger than the person attacking me personally, but when it involves more people, or if it is someone who has made themselves vulnerable or who is vulnerable, then I can go on the attack. If I see someone hurting an animal, I can feel a crazy rage that wants to put a stop to it regardless of what it takes. When I see someone be a bully - especially if it is a glib, "na, na, na, na, na attitude, I want to grab a sledgehammer and take them out at the knees. Who says INFJs don't have a sense of humor? How is that not hilarious?

+1,000

It's all fun and games until the INFJ joins in on the fun- and then people start recoiling in horror at the bloodshed, saying we're the ones without a sense of humor.

 

[uumlau]

It's all fun and games until the INFJ joins in on the fun- and then people start recoiling in horror at the bloodshed, saying we're the ones without a sense of humor.

And we're to believe that Hitler was NOT an INFJ?!

The Weimar Republic was all fun and games, until an INFJ joined in on the fun ...


I kid, I kid!

No really ... I'm just kidding.

Ow!

Hey stop that!

Ow! Stop hitting me!

I give up!

No, I need my knees!

AAUUUUUGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!

 

[Azure Flame]

Which type, INFJ or INFP, is more likely to enter a fight to the death because you insulted one of their tribe?

Fi.

Ever met an ENFP?

 

[Tiltyred]

I am acquainted with one, but I don't know her well.

 

[Azure Flame]

I am acquainted with one, but I don't know her well.

Well if you ever get the chance to talk trash about her friends in order to see her reaction, you'll have your answer.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Well if you ever get the chance to talk trash about her friends in order to see her reaction, you'll have your answer.

You know, you could be right. I had a friend who studied with a rather intimidating teacher. I was planning to do some study with this same teacher and so asked her advice about the best way to interact, but she took it defensively and said how this teacher was a wonderful human being, etc. It made for an awkward moment because I wasn't trying to attack this teacher's character, but just wanted to interact successfully, and she was really intimidating. It always made me feel really badly and judged. It was also a bit of a shock because this ENFP was so fun-spirited, imaginative, and had an easy going vibe.

 

[Amargith]

[MENTION=14857]fia[/MENTION] Yeah, its the whole need to be honest and authentic coupled with really respecting that person who she does not want to see taken advantage of by a thing like social gaming strategy. We re retards in that area often coz we re naive enough to believe social strategies should not be a concern between genuine people, and make the assumption everyone sees the world the way we do (most types have this problem before either life or mbti teaches them differently).

Iow, she thought you might be trying to take advantage of the teacher with her help and chose to err on the side of caution by letting you know in no uncertain terms that it wasnt going to fly.

 

[Nijntje]

Which type, INFJ or INFP, is more likely to enter a fight to the death because you insulted one of their tribe?

do i know this person? do i like them? can i see objective reasoning behind the insult?

probably not, not everyone deserves your defence just because they are 'the same as you'.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

[MENTION=14857]fia[/MENTION] Yeah, its the whole need to be honest and authentic coupled with really respecting that person who she does not want to see taken advantage of by a thing like social gaming strategy. We re retards in that area often coz we re naive enough to believe social strategies should not be a concern between genuine people, and make the assumption everyone sees the world the way we do (most types have this problem before either life or mbti teaches them differently).

Iow, she thought you might be trying to take advantage of the teacher with her help and chose to err on the side of caution by letting you know in no uncertain terms that it wasnt going to fly.

I think you are right. One thing that is important to realize is that in that example, I don't think in terms of social games at all. I mostly just want to avoid getting hurt and ending up crying or embarrassing myself because that teacher had an extremely dominant personality (possible ESTJ). I wonder how she thought I could take advantage of the teacher, and I think she could well of thought something like that. Just over and over I find that thinking negative assumptions ends up causing confusion and hurt. Edit: And my feelings were hurt by her for assuming everything good about her teacher and everything bad about me as her friend. Her teacher was confusing to me because I saw her be condescending to colleagues with greater skill sets in some manner, and noticed that her students tend to have an unquestioning loyalty to her. I could see her publicly tearing me down to establish that level of dominance, and so I was afraid of her, but certainly she could be a wonderful contributor in the world. I also thought she could be like my mentor, so frankly, I didn't know what to think of her and needed help from a trusted friend which I didn't get. All I got was a confirmation of that absolute loyalty which could fit into any of what I already knew and didn't clear anything up. I still didn't know if I could trigger a scenario where the teacher would tear me down before rebuilding me. /edit.

It is important to have advice on interacting with new people who have different personalities or cultures, and that is quite different from social games. It is a way to make things easier for the other person and to assume the other person doesn't haven't to accommodate our flaws, assumptions, and social errors. It's about learning to work within the other person's assumptions, so they don't have as much burden of adapting to you. It is about the kindness of letting the other person have more free reign and be authentic. I care 100% about authenticity.

Edit: for clarification, I would say that this sort of adapting is the same in my mind as getting a person a blanket who is cold, but it is the abstract version of it. There is also the initial aspect I mentioned of self protection if I think the person is intimidating. I have an intimidating mentor from the past whom I adore and admire, but I would advise someone to not try to impress her verbally, but to just let her make up her mind about your ability. She is not impressed by any attempts at "bragging", and sincere people can do that. That is a good example of the type of advice I was thinking of when asking the question.

 

[Amargith]

No, I get that. It is something that young people have to learn on their own though unfortunately. I too am very much about seeing what kind of person I have in front of me these days, but I wasnt always this way...and it got me hurt and confused a *lot* of times, because I idealistically believed that if I presented with good intentions and in a harmless way, people would appreciate it. And it stung as well when others then found it too good to be true and labelled me with all kinds of agendas.

Fwiw, she likely could not fathom any other reason as to why you would be asking such a question - since enfps tend to be so blind to that way of approaching others; Fe is a *LOT* better at this, so she made it clear that that wasnt something she wanted a part of. It probably also confused her, as she was your friend, that you would even ask such a thing, and possibly made her a bit doubting on her judgement of you as a person. Hopefully, as she grew older, she figured out what was going on

 

[21%]

[MENTION=14857]fia[/MENTION] I know what you mean by that kind of teacher, and I find them intimidating as well. Most of the time how they can inspire so much love and respect from their students is kinda... cult-ish...

 

[heartshapedbox]

It was the other way round with me. I typed at first as INFJ, but I always found (and still find) INFPs very special and admirable.

I was always a little bit annoyed by Fe. Having your own approach and opinion to everything is more important to me. And I am the rare and special type of person who doesn't put much importance on realistic thinking or caring about what doesn't belong to oneself. I like INFJs really much, but they are not kindred spirits to me (as INFPs mostly are).

When I eventually got the true idea of Fi, understoood the other functions and that I'm more of an INFP (even though I use Ni very often), I was really happy. I am happy with being an INFP.

 

[lunalum]

Haven't heard much in the way of INFPs wanting to be INFJ...... only newbie INFPs who want to be more "J-like" (I want to get stuffs done!) or who mistype as INFJ because they are "J-like" (require punctuality, decisive in matters of the heart, etc.)

 

[Standuble]

What happened about this in the end? Necrobump.

 

[Such Irony]

It's gotta be that dominant Ni that INFPs envy. So unique and mysterious and so much more special and interesting than dominant Fi.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I never wanted to be an INFJ (no offense to the INFJ people here, you're all beautiful people). When I typed as one once I was disappointed I hadn't scored INFP again. There are times that I still wonder although I like to think I'm an INFP. Many of the INFJ traits and characteristics I read about here and elsewhere fit me to a tee, so I still wonder occasionally. Everywhere I go I read people saying, "understand the functions, ignore the type profiles if you really wanna find out" Honestly though I still have a difficult time finding out what my dom, aux, tert, etc functions truly are.

Also, I get why INFPs might desire being a rarer type, but I'd say 4-5% is still pretty damn rare.

Somewhat off topic but one reason I sometimes question whether I'm an NJ is that people in real life (even those who don't know me too well) seem drawn to me for advice, guidance or my foresight. People will open up to me about all sort of personal info that they wouldn't necessarily share with their family, spouses, lifelong friends.

Still gonna continue identifying as a P. It's all just a bunch of pseudo science anyway and I can't let it ruin my day or alter my life just because I may not like what I type as. There have also been times I have hated the INFP category and would've loved to be ESTP or INTJ or any other type. I can't think that way.

Everyone is useful and valuable in their own way, they just need to find their bliss and follow their heart/mind

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I never wanted to be an INFJ (no offense to the INFJ people here, you're all beautiful people). When I typed as one once I was disappointed I hadn't scored INFP again. There are times that I still wonder although I like to think I'm an INFP. Many of the INFJ traits and characteristics I read about here and elsewhere fit me to a tee, so I still wonder occasionally. Everywhere I go I read people saying, "understand the functions, ignore the type profiles if you really wanna find out" Honestly though I still have a difficult time finding out what my dom, aux, tert, etc functions truly are.

Also, I get why INFPs might desire being a rarer type, but I'd say 4-5% is still pretty damn rare.

Somewhat off topic but one reason I sometimes question whether I'm an NJ is that people in real life (even those who don't know me too well) seem drawn to me for advice, guidance or my foresight. People will open up to me about all sort of personal info that they wouldn't necessarily share with their family, spouses, lifelong friends.

Still gonna continue identifying as a P. It's all just a bunch of pseudo science anyway and I can't let it ruin my day or alter my life just because I may not like what I type as. There have also been times I have hated the INFP category and would've loved to be ESTP or INTJ or any other type. I can't think that way.

Everyone is useful and valuable in their own way, they just need to find their bliss and follow their heart/mind

 

[WALMART]

I personally doubt you are a lead irrational, [MENTION=19700]Lyedecker[/MENTION].

 

[prplchknz]

who said i wanted to be an INFJ?