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  1. #11
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    ^ Nice info, @Esoteric Wench. Helpful!

    Personally - my brother's an ISTP. He can be challenging for me to read. Mostly I've learned that him being super, super quiet and not really responding to anything is a good signal that something's not right. But my ESFJ mom and ISFJ boyfriend are much better at reading him than I am.

    I suspect that you guys put out some sort of Fe-available signals that we xNFPs struggle to pick up on. We really read mood, so if you don't do a lot of "mood" changing, that's probably why he's not getting it. I'm quite good at responding to nuance in mood but it's challenging for me to understand how to address feeling where there's not much emotional overtone. I guess because my ISTP and I are siblings, I usually figure out enough to not be shocked, but sometimes I'm surprised by the gravity of something weighing on him. He can get really grumpy over basically nothing (he's a teenager, after all) but if it's a serious thing then he's often more subdued. I usually end up asking the super-blunt, Fe-stupid "errr so what can I do for you?"


  2. #12
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    Lots of the INFPs on the forum have called me an ISTP, so either I'm another one of the atypical 'alien' ISTPs, or I'm some other type that they 'don't get', and since they often don't get ISTPs, it would only logically follow that I could be one!

    To post more to the point, why do NFPs always have to see inside of people? I guess motivations are a prime directive for you folks, and since the ISTPs may have motivations without the same kind of 'ideological backing', you get way too freaking confused.

    I guess the types may both be at opposite ends of the emotional self-awareness spectrum from each other.

  3. #13
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poimandres View Post
    Lots of the INFPs on the forum have called me an ISTP, so either I'm another one of the atypical 'alien' ISTPs, or I'm some other type that they 'don't get', and since they often don't get ISTPs, it would only logically follow that I could be one!
    The type certainly suits you more than some of the other options you've chosen. However, you may be a little too playful and forward to be one - perhaps a ESTP?

    To post more to the point, why do NFPs always have to see inside of people? I guess motivations are a prime directive for you folks, and since the ISTPs may have motivations without the same kind of 'ideological backing', you get way too freaking confused.
    Firstly, being N makes you inclined to work things out in roundabout ways; we just find the indirect path to be the easier one for us. Secondly, it's because Fi is just so focused on subjectivity. Fe provides more of a short hand, a standard, common language, through which to evaluate people. We just can't do that well. We have to read each person as an individual, on their own terms. The only way to do this is to try to get into their head and anticipate what direction their emotional tone is going. Knowing someone's motivation isn't as important - it's more about knowing where their head space is and where they're coming from. It helps us to make sense of everything else they say, because we see it as filtered through that specific feeling tone. The specific feeling tone is the temporary yard stick with which to measure and interpret their behaviour - if that makes sense.

    And I do think anticipating is important to us (especially when it comes to emotional atmosphere). ISTPs for example, can handle things well when they simply react as they happen, but we can't manage that as efficiently. Whether it's because we can't evaluate things well in the moment, or because we can't handle not knowing what's coming, I'm not sure. It may be a combination of both. For example, I can't tell you how often someone will ask me if I want a cup of tea, and I sit there like an idiot, stuck in complete indecision. I will try to consult my feelings and bodily senses, attempting to work out if I do want it or not, sometimes for a ridiculous amount of time. I might even have to imagine the taste of it in my mouth, to test if that would be satisfactory to me at that particular moment. Often I have no idea and will just say yes (or no), so the other person isn't left waiting for an eternity. Sometimes I'm still not even sure until I actually drink it.

    I guess the types may both be at opposite ends of the emotional self-awareness spectrum from each other.
    Yes, perhaps.

    As @Esoteric Wench pointed out, ISTPs are Fe inferior (Feeling is last), but at the same time, INFPs are Te inferior (Thinking is last). That may have something to do with it. Well, that and having no functions in common.
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    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  4. #14
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    In this second part of my answer, I wanted to respond more directly to the OP's question about expressed ISTP emotion being shocking for NFPs:

    Just yesterday, my ISTP had an emotional meltdown. He was feeling stressed out by his "to do" list for that day and he became very curt with me for no apparent reason. I've been with him long enough to have learned how to pick up on this as a sign of his emotional state. Instead of asking him how he felt, I told him what I observed: "You seemed to be stressed out to me." He then was able to identify his emotions and deal with them. But according to him, he didn't even realize how he was feeling until I said something to him. He went on to explain that he often doesn't recognize that he's feeling anything until he's been wrangling with his emotions for a considerable amount of time.

    I've been with my ISTP for going on five years, and even now he sometimes shocks me with what seems to me to be an eruption of emotions that comes out of nowhere. He's normally so calm and collected. Then, when he does express an emotion, it normally is done very powerfully and abruptly. I've come to the conclusion that it's because unless the emotion is very, very strong he can overlook the fact that he's feeling anything at all. His emotions are unattended to and they can build up in him until they are very strong and he is on the verge of <insert your favorite emotional reaction here>.

    I hope this makes some sense.
    You seem to have a good understanding. Everything bolded makes absolute sense. The underlined is very true. I can relate. Thanks for the well thought out response.

    I think he does that Te question thing in your earlier post. I've noticed he tries to break down my responses. We were watching Netflix tonight and he asked about a movie, I said, "Sure." he immediately skipped it and said. "You said, 'sure' you're not into it." ha. I have to laugh because most of the time it *really doesn't matter* but I just let him go with it. If it wasn't for this site, I might be annoyed. Instead, I think it's sort of endearing because I take it as if he wants to make me happy. Sometimes, when I'm in the mood to do so, he makes me think about what I really do prefer - which is strange but I think that's why I mentioned feeling pampered by him.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  5. #15
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    You seem to have a good understanding. Everything bolded makes absolute sense. The underlined is very true. I can relate. Thanks for the well thought out response.

    I think he does that Te question thing in your earlier post. I've noticed he tries to break down my responses. We were watching Netflix tonight and he asked about a movie, I said, "Sure." he immediately skipped it and said. "You said, 'sure' you're not into it." ha. I have to laugh because most of the time it *really doesn't matter* but I just let him go with it. If it wasn't for this site, I might be annoyed. Instead, I think it's sort of endearing because I take it as if he wants to make me happy. Sometimes, when I'm in the mood to do so, he makes me think about what I really do prefer - which is strange but I think that's why I mentioned feeling pampered by him.


    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

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