[NF] Mood swings/hypersensitivity/depression :S

[Susah]

Hello again everybody...

I guess this is a pretty iconic issue with us of a NF disposition, but I could not find any threads...

Well, anyway, gah!

Last thread I started here (a couple of weeks ago) got taken down because I sounded suicidal, but this one should be okay :S I suppose things were particularly bad at that point - now they are a bit better. And that is my point. I finally got around to see a doctor, who said I was depressed and gave me antidepressants. I took them for about two weeks, and they made me feel worse rather than better. I realise that this happens quite often and they take a while to kick in, but the effect it had on me was to convince me that, as I felt much worse then, that meant I was pretty okay before. So I stopped taking them and (intentionally) missed my follow up appointment.

So, yeah, a lot of the time things are pretty awful, but that is not the same as depression. It really doesn't feel constant enough for that. Things are never really bad for more than a couple of days, and usually I still manage to attend to at least my most important tasks.

But that is how I feel at the present moment. Today I feel good - of course I'm okay - I should stop being such a wimp and just get on with it. But then comes a bad day, and I just really hope for the world to end and I don't understand how I could ever have thought I was okay.

I'm perfectly aware that this is how I work, but that is not much help at all. How am I meant to know which conclusion is the 'right' one? I have absolutely no faith in my self-knowledge and it just feels like the reality and truth is in constant flux and I know that what is true today is unlikely to be true tomorrow.

I really don't know what to do. Does anyone have any ideas as to how to cope with these things? Maybe a quick guide to being a person?

 

[Susah]

Oh I should also add my latest concern That I'm usually pretty okay when I'm living with my parents for a while in the isolation of the countryside, and it's when I'm away from my family, seeing other people, that things get much more turbulent. Which also worries me a lot. Not only because I realise living with my parents is not a solution but also because, you know... I like people... but I'm just the most thin-skinned person ever. I'm not even sure it counts as thin skin, because it is largely my own fabrications. Being happy over a person for a couple of hours, only then to despair that they don't like you back and you'll be alone forever, or changing your mind and not liking them anymore, and then feeling guilty that maybe they like you a lot and you can't return it. I'm just the most ridiculous person ever... But... I love you all so much... :S (is the current status for about a week)

 

[WALMART]

I've gone through a recent heavy bout of this...

It sucks, those days where you're down in a funk. I turned into a super extrovert, in a sense that I was out frequently. Being around people, and life, and preoccupying my mind with something other than thought helped me so much, I feel...

I'm not very good at consolation

 

[CuriousFeeling]

When I saw your thread title, I thought, sounds like life as an Enneagram 4, and I saw your type here, and type 4 it is. So it's not just you. It's a common thread among e-4's and NF temperaments. Introverted NFs will tend to internalize those battles. I'm very sensitive as well, even though I tend to hold in a lot of my emotions. Moving back in with your parents is a comfort, but confronting others can be the difficult part, if I am understanding this right.

What I've found that helps is to remind myself that it isn't a reflection of me personally, and it's actually a reflection of the other person. It can be frustrating when people can seem unconcerned. I've had experiences like you have with romantic interests. But you never know until you interact with them and read the signs. It's best to focus on what is in front of you, rather than letting your inner demons tear your heart into pieces. Maybe it's past experiences telling you to be cautious with others? Before others can hurt you you end up hurting yourself? Think of it, it may actually be counterproductive. It's doing more damage to yourself.

Focus on doing activities that will expel negative emotions. Meditation, yoga, spending time walking outside for a bit, art, writing, etc. Whatever form you choose that works. Someone hurts you, write their name down on a piece of paper, how they hurt you, rip it up, throw it out in the trash. Other people have no power over you, Susah. You have power and control over yourself. You take ownership of your feelings. Don't be at mercy to them. Take control of them.