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  1. #1
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Default ENFPs - Do you feel the need to constantly (and suddenly) move?

    I have moved states or countries about once a year since I was 17. It's been an amazing experience and I've enjoyed my travels, however, it is starting to impede on my ability to settle down.

    I moved to Seattle from NYC about 2 months ago. I recently got an amazing job offer with an organization I've been trying to work with for years. It pays well, is the work I want to go into, and is a pretty presitigious program. So why do I want to move again? I've noticed this happens a lot with my friends and relationships as well. I don't like it but I'm stuck on how to change this behavior.

    Thoughts?

  2. #2
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    I may or may not be ENFP so take this response with a grain of salt but I don't feel this way. I feel completely the opposite way - that I get very attached to my friends, family, relationships, location, etc. when things are working. I feel no desire to change when the situation is good.

    I don't know if this is something you can change about yourself, though. And you don't have to! Why would you change it if it makes you happy? Maybe you're not a settle down kind of person.

  3. #3
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    i've lived in 7 countries in 8 years....and counting...

  4. #4
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    I have moved states or countries about once a year since I was 17. It's been an amazing experience and I've enjoyed my travels, however, it is starting to impede on my ability to settle down.

    I moved to Seattle from NYC about 2 months ago. I recently got an amazing job offer with an organization I've been trying to work with for years. It pays well, is the work I want to go into, and is a pretty presitigious program. So why do I want to move again? I've noticed this happens a lot with my friends and relationships as well. I don't like it but I'm stuck on how to change this behavior.

    Thoughts?
    I haven't seen you in a while Malkavia and it's good to see you again. I swear I'm having some deja vu though. As soon as I opened this thread and saw your OP...I immediately thought it was one of your old threads revived (but it's from today haha). I feel like I've seen you express these same concerns before...which if I'm actually remembering correctly...merely speaks to how this weighs heavily on you on an ongoing basis.

    I guess what jumps out at me...from what I bolded in the above quote...is the use of the word 'ability'. Yes, moving around a lot will impede on anyone's 'ability' to settle down haha! What I can't get a read on here from you...or from my (either) fake or real memory from before is... Is this really a problem? If settling down wasn't 'the norm'...or what we are all sorta expected to do in adulthood via...idk the messages we receive from the socio-cultural environment...would you be thinking and rethinking your personal choices not to? Or do you actually, deep down inside, wish to put down roots and find you cannot? Should that sentence read: it is starting to impede on my desire to settle down. ?

    There are no true rules when it comes to these kinds of things. I've known quite a few people in my time that are constantly moving around...and many of them seem more *financially well off than individuals that have stayed in one spot. [I made mention of financial gain because I've actually heard people say that 'settling down' is the only way to accumulate wealth...but that doesn't appear to be the case...especially in this day and age.]

    I haven't moved around a lot recently...but I used to and I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. Likewise, if an opportunity presented itself that made sense...I'd move again in a heartbeat.

  5. #5
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Hi again @Malkavia!

    Congratulations on your job offer!

    I definitely have the desire to travel often, but I wish I could pack my family up in a suitcase and take them with me. I tend to stay rooted for the sake of being around my family, more than anything. Intermittent travel with my family makes me more happy than living far away from them. I'm really hoping that in about five or so years my boyfriend and I can arrange to live abroad for a while - maybe a few years - but I definitely intend to come back home again to be near my parents. I can see myself being very satisfied with one long annual "exotic" trip while staying rooted in a singular place - as long as that place has lots of cultural influx to keep me interested. And a beach house, preferably, but I'm gonna need a lot of cash.

    And maybe another year or so abroad every so often.

    As for you... well, it sounds like you haven't been grounded in a pretty long time. I don't know if you've already made a decision, but maybe you should give it a shot to just hold out for a while and see if staying put for a couple of years might be more satisfying than you imagine. You can always leave if it really starts getting to you.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Oh my! I am surprised people remember me.

    It is good to be back. I really think I'll enjoy conversations with all y'all like I did in the past.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I haven't seen you in a while Malkavia and it's good to see you again. I swear I'm having some deja vu though. As soon as I opened this thread and saw your OP...I immediately thought it was one of your old threads revived (but it's from today haha). I feel like I've seen you express these same concerns before...which if I'm actually remembering correctly...merely speaks to how this weighs heavily on you on an ongoing basis.
    It is hard to remember. I know that, compared to the past, I have become much better at moving around. This was my 5th city to move to without a job and I got an offer in 6 days. I wasn't really expecting it but it helped me realize how much a knack I have for landing somewhere new and immediately making things work.

    So, I've changed. A lot. I was in the Middle East at the time of my involvement here last, then I was in NYC for over a year, and now I'm in Seattle. I think even if I have posted about this before I will get something different out of it this time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I guess what jumps out at me...from what I bolded in the above quote...is the use of the word 'ability'. Yes, moving around a lot will impede on anyone's 'ability' to settle down haha! What I can't get a read on here from you...or from my (either) fake or real memory from before is... Is this really a problem? If settling down wasn't 'the norm'...or what we are all sorta expected to do in adulthood via...idk the messages we receive from the socio-cultural environment...would you be thinking and rethinking your personal choices not to? Or do you actually, deep down inside, wish to put down roots and find you cannot? Should that sentence read: it is starting to impede on my desire to settle down. ?
    That's a good point! And probably what I am truly meditating on.

    I don't think it is the societal norm that is holding me back, I think it is knowing what true community and having deep, in person friendships feel like. It has been a while since I've experienced those things and fully believe those are some of the most joyous things in life. They take time to develop, however, and can be difficult to maintai when moving around constantly.

    It is also important to note I've had some pretty chaotic and emotional online friendships recently and it's made me slightly of the opinion that in-person friends develop better.


    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Hi again @Malkavia!


    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Congratulations on your job offer!

    I definitely have the desire to travel often, but I wish I could pack my family up in a suitcase and take them with me. I tend to stay rooted for the sake of being around my family, more than anything. Intermittent travel with my family makes me more happy than living far away from them. I'm really hoping that in about five or so years my boyfriend and I can arrange to live abroad for a while - maybe a few years - but I definitely intend to come back home again to be near my parents. I can see myself being very satisfied with one long annual "exotic" trip while staying rooted in a singular place - as long as that place has lots of cultural influx to keep me interested. And a beach house, preferably, but I'm gonna need a lot of cash.

    And maybe another year or so abroad every so often.

    As for you... well, it sounds like you haven't been grounded in a pretty long time. I don't know if you've already made a decision, but maybe you should give it a shot to just hold out for a while and see if staying put for a couple of years might be more satisfying than you imagine. You can always leave if it really starts getting to you.
    Thank you! It is a dream job, truly. Something I've been working towards for years.

    I'm going to stay with this job for at least a couple of years. I think it is a good way to test how I settle down and what the process is for me. Financially and career wise it is also a wise decision. A couple of years here will allow me to move around the world with other NGOs due to its prestige, so that's nice.

    So maybe my question is now... HOW do you ENFPs settle down?

  7. #7
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    I have a preference for moving around, i have lived in a lot of different places. I have not moved country before though and have only had a couple of short term stints outside of London. I like to travel too but have not had as much experience of it as i would like to.

    I always dreamed of buying a VW camper van and travelling through Europe on the road with my children for a summer (so far circumstance has not allowed). I travelled through France and Spain on the road with my father as a child and toured France with mother and her band on a seperate occaision. For some that might induce a longing to stay in one place - but i love it! I also daydream of venturing into space...what a trip that would be!
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  8. #8
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post


    Thank you! It is a dream job, truly. Something I've been working towards for years.

    I'm going to stay with this job for at least a couple of years. I think it is a good way to test how I settle down and what the process is for me. Financially and career wise it is also a wise decision. A couple of years here will allow me to move around the world other NGOs due to its prestige, so that's nice.

    So maybe my question is now... HOW do you ENFPs settle down?


    Keeping busy... doing something engaging that I am passionate about... always having my calendar full of future plans, both short-term and long-term... staying connected with my big-picture dreams... getting involved in community groups, or some kind of productive communal activities or volunteer work... being part of organizations or institutions that reflect my values... finding cultural events and celebrations in the area... taking day or weekend trips to places that are far enough away to be interesting but close enough to not subsume the trip in travel details... revelling in the change of the seasons and the unique opportunities temporarily present - engaging in the culture of the time as well as the culture of the place... meeting with different local friends periodically... visiting far away friends less often... gathering with my (local) family more often... studying a multitude of random subjects on the side, including other cultures... continuing growth through wellness and recreation... establishing favorite nooks and visiting them whenever the spirit moves me...

    At least for me it's about feeling connected with the greater scope while staying rooted down. As long as I feel like I'm linked in to the outward world, I'm fine. It's when I feel isolated from the greater context that I go completely stir-crazy. It really helps that my boyfriend is into sociocultural events so he always takes me to really neat gatherings, and we go out exploring the city often. I've learned more about this place with him in the last 2 years than I ever did living here before college. I'm always on the lookout for new places to live but there's some Fi/Si comfort part of me that really likes coming back to our cozy, familiar apartment complex at the end of the day. I guess I try to enjoy the present while dreaming about the future, and to enjoy this place while dreaming about others.

    PS nice mug

    And that's so wonderful. You must be so proud of yourself!

  9. #9
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    I have moved states or countries about once a year since I was 17. It's been an amazing experience and I've enjoyed my travels, however, it is starting to impede on my ability to settle down.

    I moved to Seattle from NYC about 2 months ago. I recently got an amazing job offer with an organization I've been trying to work with for years. It pays well, is the work I want to go into, and is a pretty presitigious program. So why do I want to move again? I've noticed this happens a lot with my friends and relationships as well. I don't like it but I'm stuck on how to change this behavior.

    Thoughts?
    My first thought was: run away George.

    It will get better when you leave something big behind that you cant repair, like the love of your life. Granted you ever want to attach yourself to someone like this.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  10. #10
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
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    Not really - scares me some!

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
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