User Tag List

Results 1 to 7 of 7

  1. #1
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9
    Posts
    998

    Default INFJ and assumptions

    Here's a two-fold question for all INFJs and INFJ-minded people.

    [1]: Does it bother you much if people (familiar or strange) make assumptions about you or your way of life?

    [2]: Do you ever find yourself acting against these assumptions, just to prove them wrong?


    Just asking since I feel that my INFJ has almost a phobia of people assuming things of her. She says she feels they are trying to pressure her into some generic mold and it's an insult to her independency. Any of this sounds familiar? How do you deal with it? How do others deal with you?
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  2. #2
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    3,545

    Default

    [1]: Does it bother you much if people (familiar or strange) make assumptions about you or your way of life?
    Sometimes. It used to much more than it does now.

    [2]: Do you ever find yourself acting against these assumptions, just to prove them wrong?
    Sometimes, if it is something that matters to me.

    Just asking since I feel that my INFJ has almost a phobia of people assuming things of her. She says she feels they are trying to pressure her into some generic mold and it's an insult to her independency. Any of this sounds familiar?
    Actually, yes, it does. I think a lot of it may depend upon her maturity, her enneagram or bent and upon her self-esteem. INJs, I think, are like wet soap in a tub. The tighter you squeeze them, the more you try to pigeon hole them and hem them in, the more easily they slip out of your hands. She can't be put in a box because of Ni, and the stronger it is in her, the more mentally claustrophobic she will feel when hemmed in by assumptions.

    How do you deal with it?
    I remember the story of David and Goliath, of how he walked out on the battlefield to face a giant and of how his brothers and everyone around him made assumptions about him. They assumed that he was out of his little gourd. I recall in the story, how he ignored their assumptions and he did what was in him to do, not to prove anything to anyone, but because it mattered to him and I go about my life that way. I really don't care anymore [I once did very much so] what anyone assumes of me or what they think about me. I focus on what I think about me and what I believe to be true about me and nothing anyone says really makes a difference. If they praise me, fine. If they don't, fine. I know who I am and it doesn't matter if anybody else's opinion lines up with mine or not. They don't have to live my life. I do. They're not responsible for my self-image. I am. They're not responsible for my happiness and contentment in life. I am. I've come to a place where I realize that everyone sees the world through their own eyes and I've accepted the fact that some people are going to believe certain things about me because they can't see me any other way. I understand that it isn't a reflection of me, but of their ability to perceive. I have to accept them for who they are, even if that means that they are incapable of forming a proper picture of who I am.

    How do others deal with you?
    Some walk away, because I can't fit into the box they've designed for me. But others [including an ISTJ that I adore] just come alongside me and say, "You know. I don't understand you, but I do care about you and that's enough." And it is enough, because when I know that someone is giving me room to grow then I automatically give them room to make mistakes and grow, too.

    I think it's cool that you asked these questions and I hope your INFJ appreciates that you care enough to try and learn. Above all, just be there.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  3. #3
    Junior Member click crash boom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp
    Posts
    6

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    Here's a two-fold question for all INFJs and INFJ-minded people.

    [1]: Does it bother you much if people (familiar or strange) make assumptions about you or your way of life?

    [2]: Do you ever find yourself acting against these assumptions, just to prove them wrong?


    Just asking since I feel that my INFJ has almost a phobia of people assuming things of her. She says she feels they are trying to pressure her into some generic mold and it's an insult to her independency. Any of this sounds familiar? How do you deal with it? How do others deal with you?
    Honestly, I prefer to pick and choose whom speaks about me. For the record, I fail at miserably at proper english, so please don't judge. Who, whom, who cares? I have a low IQ.

    Don't! Don't assume crap about me! If you must, then I would rather prove you wrong instead of talking about how I am going to whip your... Optionally, I would prefer you write me off before I do you because God knows I will and I can't stop me from doing that.

  4. #4
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    I assume that people make assumptions and I am probably as likely to attempt to use those assumptions to my advantage as to try to prove them wrong.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #5
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    MBTI
    iNfj
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    4,042

    Default

    I don't really care if I don't know about it and they're not negative. I'm just me regardless. Chances are I won't even be aware of what assumptions people make about me. If someone takes the time to get to know me, they'll know who I am.

  6. #6
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    isfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    8,586

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    Here's a two-fold question for all INFJs and INFJ-minded people.

    [1]: Does it bother you much if people (familiar or strange) make assumptions about you or your way of life?

    [2]: Do you ever find yourself acting against these assumptions, just to prove them wrong?


    Just asking since I feel that my INFJ has almost a phobia of people assuming things of her. She says she feels they are trying to pressure her into some generic mold and it's an insult to her independency. Any of this sounds familiar? How do you deal with it? How do others deal with you?
    This does bother me quite a bit. In conflict one thing that can set me off is when someone makes assumptions about what I am thinking or feeling. If the person assumes they know me better than I know myself, then I feel they are being completely dismissive of me as a person and arrogant o think they could know me better than I know myself. I've also had employers who I could feel assumed they "had" me and that I could never leave regardless of how they treated me. I'm always extra happy to resign from those jobs. I do sometimes like to throw out something to confuse people a little.

    If strangers or acquaintances make assumptions about me, my reaction is neutral to a little bothered. It is when people close to me assume instead of asking or listening that I feel hurt, dismissed, and completely unknown to them.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.

  7. #7
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    JINX
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,716

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    Here's a two-fold question for all INFJs and INFJ-minded people.

    [1]: Does it bother you much if people (familiar or strange) make assumptions about you or your way of life?

    [2]: Do you ever find yourself acting against these assumptions, just to prove them wrong?


    Just asking since I feel that my INFJ has almost a phobia of people assuming things of her. She says she feels they are trying to pressure her into some generic mold and it's an insult to her independency. Any of this sounds familiar? How do you deal with it? How do others deal with you?

    [1.] No. When I was a child, yes, I was very sensitive to it. Over time I learned not to care. Friends or lovers misunderstanding core aspects of my personality would raise a red flag in terms of how close we truly were, but I'd address it immediately to make sure we were on the same- or similar - page. Semantics and emotional associations on both sides can certainly cloud communication & judgement.

    In the end, if people's minds are made up about who they think I am, I don't particularly give a fuck. I don't allow it to impact my life.

    [2.] When I was younger, yes, I would challenge assumptions made about me. But again, over time, I just realized it truly has no value to me. It's a waste of energy. I don't feel as if I owe the world some explanation for my existence, nor am I entitled to be deeply understood and valued by the world- so to expect that & be distraught when those expectations of total strangers go unmet is simply.. inapplicable to me or how I respond to situations. Projecting my own preconceived ideals about how people should interact, giving them emotional leverage over me they may not have even wanted in the first place.. is just a mental clusterfuck, to me. I'd feel stupid allowing myself to get upset over some total stranger assuming things about me/my life. Same goes for my family- since those relationships tend to have an air of ambivalence, & various biases due to fixed roles. It just seems unreasonable to expect that much of others by default.

    I mean, people will always try to have one another "pegged." we want to understand. Even when both sides believe they "get" one another, there's a high likelihood that there are dimensions internally/externally that they fail to grasp or even see. The most you can do is try. When it counts. Other than that, what difference does it make?

    Unless it's a potential employer to some minor extent, or a friend/lover (in which case I don't act out- I talk it out to see how they think, so I can get an idea of how they see. What they see.. because obviously I've missed something about them, as well, if they were to surprise me with incongruent feedback that late in the game) it just doesn't play a significant role in my life.
    And that's the point. In the end, this life is mine, no one else's. So I let shit like that go.

    Learning to laugh helps. Most will just laugh with you, even if they're not entirely sure why.




    Find her some xSTP friends. They're basically unlicensed professors of Not Giving A Fuckery.
    Very freeing, indeed.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] INFJ and Japan
    By hideki in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 65
    Last Post: 06-14-2010, 12:31 AM
  2. [INFJ] INFJs and Single-Mindedness
    By Kiddo in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 51
    Last Post: 11-23-2009, 06:39 PM
  3. [INFJ] INFJs and Dating
    By Kiddo in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 109
    Last Post: 02-22-2009, 06:42 AM
  4. [INFJ] INFJ and Compliments
    By chippinchunk in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 47
    Last Post: 01-24-2008, 09:20 AM
  5. [INFJ] INFJ and grief
    By tovlo in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 12-21-2007, 06:49 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO