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[ENFP] Why do ENFPs need time to be alone?

VanillaCat

New member
Joined
May 25, 2008
Messages
178
MBTI Type
ENFP
I know it's to center themselves and all but, I just don't understand it.

It's true though. I've hung out with too many people lately in the past 3 weeks so all I did was stay home today and I feel okay now. I can't explain it. But you could tell like, yesterday, that I wasn't being so fun to be around. I was kind of exhausted of being with people, even though I love them very much.

It's weird because I read that they're the only extroverts that need to do this.
 

LadyJaye

Scream down the boulevard
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
2,062
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I do the same thing. It does seem paradoxical that an extroverted personality type would need alone time in any sort of significant amount, but we really do need it. I can only speak from my own perspective here, but it seems to me that ENFP's need the quiet time because we spend so much time instinctively scanning our environment, and trying to take care of our loved ones. I'm ALWAYS on the look out for the people I care about, to keep them safe and happy, and eventually, I feel like I've been run over. I can't shut off the "scanning" part of my personality, so the best I can do is to sequester myself for a little while and let my head calm down. Almost like meditating. I love being around others, and I also found it curious that I would need time away from them, but I learned to just go get quiet despite finding my behaviour confounding, because it really helps me recharge.
 

Splittet

Wannabe genius
Joined
Jun 12, 2007
Messages
632
MBTI Type
INTJ
Everyone needs time to be alone, it's just that introverts typically need it more than extroverts. Of course the interesting debate would be why ENFPs seem to need more time alone than other extroverted types, on average, of course. It's really the same thing as you are asking, but I think you asked it in a very black and white fashion. I don't know the answer, and I don't even know if it really is true ENFPs actually need more time alone than other extroverted types.
 

VanillaCat

New member
Joined
May 25, 2008
Messages
178
MBTI Type
ENFP
Everyone needs time to be alone, it's just that introverts typically need it more than extroverts. Of course the interesting debate would be why ENFPs seem to need more time alone than other extroverted types, on average, of course.

Yeah, that's what I was trying to ask.
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
I don't think ENFPs need more time alone than other extroverted types. I don't know how this perception arose. I guess it showed up on some popular MBTI site and has been copied over and over again.

If it's actually true (which I guess would be because of Fi), then I would think that ESFPs would need this alone time as well. Any extrovert's auxiliary function is going to be introverted and hence they're going to have to go into themselves to access it.

I'm curious to know if introverted judging functions need more/less recharge time than introverted perceiving functions because that's what it's basically going to come down to between EPs and EJs.
 

alcea rosea

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Nov 11, 2007
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3,658
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7w6
Actually when I was younger I did not need to spend any time by myself. In fact I totally hated the time without other people. These days I can spend some time by myself. So, spending time alone is not necessarily THE ENFP thing. ;) Generalizations, generalizations...
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
Joined
Jan 14, 2008
Messages
9,801
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
I think we need time alone because we need time to self-reflect.

When I am with others, I am *with* them, as LadyJaye has so aptly explained. Being in other people's company can be incredibly exhausting for me (us), and I know that I have a tendency to lose myself to them, where they become the center of my attention, shit, where they temporarily become the center of my universe.

My need for alone time is largely due, in part, for my need/imperative to find, reflect on, and become my true(r) self, independent of the influence or disturbance of anyone else.

I think I may be a slightly atypical ENFP because ever since age 12, I've found myself needing a somewhat excessive amount of alone time.

It's a control thing for me. When in the company of others, I feel as though I become a slave to my "caring" "empathetic" instincts, as opposed to when I am in the company of only myself, where I am allowed, without guilt, to explore and tend to things that *I* want and, or need to.

When in the company of others, I automatically indulge them with all of my attention, and exhibiting such behavior after awhile, becomes...well, utterly exhausting/draining.
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
Messages
3,960
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
as an F
empathy can take a toll
as an NF
idealisms being shattered can have the same affect on the empath
as an extroverted NF
you would naturally come in contact with it a lot more than an introverted one would

yahtzee
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
6,880
MBTI Type
xNFP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I know it's to center themselves and all but, I just don't understand it.

It's true though. I've hung out with too many people lately in the past 3 weeks so all I did was stay home today and I feel okay now. I can't explain it. But you could tell like, yesterday, that I wasn't being so fun to be around. I was kind of exhausted of being with people, even though I love them very much.

It's weird because I read that they're the only extroverts that need to do this.

Too true!!! My husband says that if I stay alone too long, I turn to dark thoughts and get all weirded out. But if I hang out with people too much, then I start getting a bit grumpy, tired, stressed...

I think it is because I give my "all" to everyone. Being a teacher, I work about twelve hours a day, during which I am constantly around people. They tell me all their problems and I have to focus. In addition, I often get bombarded by all these intuitive impulses....At least, that is what I call it. Essentially I am always looking out for my students...constantly making sure that their needs are met. I feel so much. I perceive so much. All those impulses and information and things I intuit. Yes, I need time alone.

So to "clear" ourselves, I think we need time alone. This weekend, I had one and a half whole days to myself. WHEW that did me a world of good, and the people at work said, "Wow, you look so rested." See, so now I can give again because I was good to myself.

That is how things should be. Could be way off base, but that`s my feeling.

What do you guys think?

I do the same thing. It does seem paradoxical that an extroverted personality type would need alone time in any sort of significant amount, but we really do need it. I can only speak from my own perspective here, but it seems to me that ENFP's need the quiet time because we spend so much time instinctively scanning our environment, and trying to take care of our loved ones. I'm ALWAYS on the look out for the people I care about, to keep them safe and happy, and eventually, I feel like I've been run over. I can't shut off the "scanning" part of my personality, so the best I can do is to sequester myself for a little while and let my head calm down. Almost like meditating. I love being around others, and I also found it curious that I would need time away from them, but I learned to just go get quiet despite finding my behaviour confounding, because it really helps me recharge.

RIGHT! :party2:

I think we need time alone because we need time to self-reflect.

When I am with others, I am *with* them, as LadyJaye has so aptly explained. Being in other people's company can be incredibly exhausting for me (us), and I know that I have a tendency to lose myself to them, where they become the center of my attention, shit, where they temporarily become the center of my universe.

My need for alone time is largely due, in part, for my need/imperative to find, reflect on, and become my true(r) self, independent of the influence or disturbance of anyone else.

I think I may be a slightly atypical ENFP because ever since age 12, I've found myself needing a somewhat excessive amount of alone time.

It's a control thing for me. When in the company of others, I feel as though I become a slave to my "caring" "empathetic" instincts, as opposed to when I am in the company of only myself, where I am allowed, without guilt, to explore and tend to things that *I* want and, or need to.

When in the company of others, I automatically indulge them with all of my attention, and exhibiting such behavior after awhile, becomes...well, utterly exhausting/draining.

I agree.

as an F
empathy can take a toll
as an NF
idealisms being shattered can have the same affect on the empath
as an extroverted NF
you would naturally come in contact with it a lot more than an introverted one would

yahtzee

This is also true.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

IEE623

New member
Joined
Jul 1, 2008
Messages
196
MBTI Type
NeXx
I think mainly because we use Ne, which makes us constantly scanning our environments, take inputs, process them and try to connect those things together. If there are too much things going on around us, we need time alone to well process, eliminate unnecessary information, and connect new information with information we've already known. Besides, with Fi, we easily get exhausted (more than ENTP)
 

phoenix13

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Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
1,293
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ENFP
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7w8
Concerning the need to center ourselves: I think this may be due to our feeling function being unconscious. Perhaps there's a lot going on under the surface that we're not aware of which drives us to a situation where we aren't distracted by the world (we're extroverts, so outside distractions take priority by default).

Extroverted perception can easily result in burnout. As an ENFP profile in another thread mentioned, ENFPs take in information in a torrential fashion. Too much stimulation is exhausting.

I understand ENTPs tend to also be less social than one would expect from an extrovert. I wouldn't be surprised if this was caused by 90% of the population not knowing what the hell we're talking about half the time. Extroverted intuition is not a readily understood language, and it's annoying and exhausting having to translate every sentence, or having people say "you're weird" every time you open your mouth. While they're absolutely right, it is still a major drain to be coherent for the masses. Let them eat cake, I say!
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
6,880
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xNFP
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sx/so
I think mainly because we use Ne, which makes us constantly scanning our environments, take inputs, process them and try to connect those things together. If there are too much things going on around us, we need time alone to well process, eliminate unnecessary information, and connect new information with information we've already known. Besides, with Fi, we easily get exhausted (more than ENTP)

I think this is why I dream such WEIRD dreams. I think my brain is trying to process all the input and make sense of things/discard garbage. Do any of you have this tendency as well?

Oh yeah, and sometime I have to deal with all the tangents going on in my brain. :doh:
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
6,880
MBTI Type
xNFP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Concerning the need to center ourselves: I think this may be due to our feeling function being unconscious. Perhaps there's a lot going on under the surface that we're not aware of which drives us to a situation where we aren't distracted by the world (we're extroverts, so outside distractions take priority by default).

Extroverted perception can easily result in burnout. As an ENFP profile in another thread mentioned, ENFPs take in information in a torrential fashion. Too much stimulation is exhausting.

I understand ENTPs tend to also be less social than one would expect from an extrovert. I wouldn't be surprised if this was caused by 90% of the population not knowing what the hell we're talking about half the time. Extroverted intuition is not a readily understood language, and it's annoying and exhausting having to translate every sentence, or having people say "you're weird" every time you open your mouth. While they're absolutely right, it is still a major drain to be coherent for the masses. Let them eat cake, I say!

HAHAHA, brilliant!!! I get the "You're weird" all the time - probably because I am. And I can relate to the burnout. Yep, I definitely need to "clear" myself on a regular basis.
 

IEE623

New member
Joined
Jul 1, 2008
Messages
196
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NeXx
HAHAHA, brilliant!!! I get the "You're weird" all the time - probably because I am. And I can relate to the burnout. Yep, I definitely need to "clear" myself on a regular basis.

Good to know i'm not alone :p
 

jungie

New member
Joined
Jun 16, 2008
Messages
50
MBTI Type
ENFP
I get weird dreams all the time too - my brain's way of dealing with all the information. Sometimes I dream before something happens that clarifies my ideas about that issue. So if I wasn't quite sure how to proceed the dream points to some solution - not a way of seing the future, but a way of seeing one possibility of the future that has been seething in my unconscious - this is usually the solution NOT to follow, some sort of a warning.
 

SillyGoose

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Joined
Jun 11, 2008
Messages
243
MBTI Type
EXXP
Only the brave call me weird, others just get the look on their face.

I need time alone every day. People think I'm crazy because I choose to commute to work an hour away every day when I could easily have a job in this city. However, I neeeed that time to myself. When I'm particularly burnt out, I don't even listen to music or turn the radio on. Just ride in silence.

It's a combination of everything people, weather, what's current on the news... But people - they affect me greatly, I know someone's mood almost instantly and I have a hard time disengaging from it. So just imagine me in a room with an extremely happy person and the other person is pissed off, there is already a tug of war there.
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
6,880
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xNFP
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sx/so
Today is one of those days.

Man, I need time alone tomorrow. DESPERATELYYYYYYYYY!!!

I mean, I love my job, but I have had a 48 hour week of teaching (that's teaching time, not counting prep time). I woke up at 4 a.m. to prepare my classes this morning because I was too exhausted last night.

Okay, I asked for more hours because I love my job and I could use the money. But I seriously need this weekend to recoup. I mean, really. :yes:
 

IEE623

New member
Joined
Jul 1, 2008
Messages
196
MBTI Type
NeXx
Only the brave call me weird, others just get the look on their face.

I need time alone every day. People think I'm crazy because I choose to commute to work an hour away every day when I could easily have a job in this city. However, I neeeed that time to myself. When I'm particularly burnt out, I don't even listen to music or turn the radio on. Just ride in silence.

It's a combination of everything people, weather, what's current on the news... But people - they affect me greatly, I know someone's mood almost instantly and I have a hard time disengaging from it. So just imagine me in a room with an extremely happy person and the other person is pissed off, there is already a tug of war there.

I could see myself in there =P I need time alone every night after so many things went on during the day. But I've been stuck in my room for days, and it's depressing for me. I can't stand having to chat or text for a long time. I really have a strong need/urge for exchanging information. I'd love to verbally talk to people in person and see how they verbally and physically respond. After those exchanges I then need solitude time :p

I've never been in a situation where two extreme emotions are going on, but I think it would be a fun to know what it's like ONCE
 
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