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  1. #1
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    Question INFP Guys and INFJ Girls

    Hey all, this is my first post on here, which is weird. I was just wondering what other peoples' experience with INFP guy INFJ girl relationships were. I am also wondering if you've had experience with both parties being 4w5. Being an INFP guy, this isn't just out of curiosity but personal (you could probably tell by how specific I was) but I won't go into it.

  2. #2
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    from what i have noticed INFPs tend to be extremely submissive/agreeable and this is pretty much the opposite what(what seems from my experience) INFJs want. but ofc not INFPs are like that and maybe not INFJs are looking for a "strong"/assertive male. i mean INFJs tend to be pretty blunt and INFPs tend to start crying(or at least get deeply hurt) from that sort of bluntness..
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  3. #3
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I dunno. I've been with an INTP for 21 yrs and he isn't assertive. Stubborn as all hell, but not assertive. I get along with older INFP males AFAIK, but I'm not sure if I know any IRL.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #4
    Senior Member hazelsees's Avatar
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    The only experience I have with an INFP man is as a friend and co-worker. And...I'm trying to imagine myself in a romantic relationship with him...just because of your thread. That's what you're interested in, right?

    I can't imagine ever being attracted to him in a that way. He's an amazing friend and is a calming presence in my life. It's like he just doesn't get riled up at all.
    Background: our place of work does all sorts of testing; personality, leadership styles--can't think of them all now, so that's why I know everyone's "type". Except enneagram--no idea.
    Also, our workplace has recently been damaged from storms, which is especially bad because we were set up as a community relief center from a previous storm. Anyway--lots of stress and not what you're asking. Except I've really got to know the INFP because he is sort of second-in-command while our ENFP leader is out of the country.
    The positives: that calmness and thoughtfulness. Helps me to see/remember what I already know. He reminds me that some people act like a-holes when they are stressed. This is how they deal with stress and fear even....and never talks crap on them when they are being complete babies in the middle of chaos and crisis. I get to the point where I just want to tell them to put their big boy/girl pants on and deal! He grounds me and I can be calm after talking to him. (Not just this particular situation, but everyday stuff too.)
    He does take action too, just a little more slowly than I would like sometimes.

    The negatives: I don't enjoy his sense of humor. (Although the ENFPs that I know have me rolling on the floor). The before mentioned calmness is wonderful at times and annoying at times. This week, I wanted this INFP to show some passion and charisma. I wanted to jump up and down at times and yell--"ACTION, ACTION, ACTION!" Maybe because I'm an introvert, so I need my partner to start throwing out the possibilities and ideas. I'm used to our ENFP who does this easily.

    SO....maybe if you're interested in an INFJ girl, be a little more passionate openly and throw out those ideas and visions as they come to you. Be out front--take action. Help her to take action too. She surely has many dreams and visions--encourage her to share those with you. And never discount her seemingly out-of-the-blue, no-facts-to-back-them-up visions. Help her find a way to use them.

    I'm rambling, but I hope I had something useful to share.
    I have 2 INFP female friends that I love dearly, as well as this INFP male co-worker and friend. All are precious to me. I truly respect their way of being.

  5. #5
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I've been in a relationship with an INFP guy for almost 5 years now, so this is right up my alley

    I became interested in MBTI for the first time when I was trying to figure out my INFP boyfriend. In the beginning, it seemed we were so similar, but sometimes I would have absolutely no idea where he was coming from, and that was puzzling and intriguing.

    Then I educated myself about Fe and Fi and I finally realized why I was feeling that way. I've said this before: the relationship is like looking in the mirror and seeing yourself, except that left is right and right is left. At times it is confusing. It helps a lot if you share most important values, because resolving a value conflict can be a long and painful process, because Fe and Fi are coming from totally opposite directions.

    The most important thing that I've learned is: never feel that the other person's point of view is wrong or inferior. Usually, Fe (or Fi) has a perfectly good reason to behave that way, which can be unfathomable to you. Just remember that your Fi is probably as unfathomable to her. So, what will make it work is that if you both communicate a lot. Really sit yourselves down and talk about things in detail. The best way to resolve conflicts for me has been to validate each other's feelings and viewpoints, although you don't understand them. And, of course, like all relationships, it helps if you are both willing to do the work and try to understand a different perspective.

    One little warning for the beginning: Fe likes to 'fix' things, a lot, and it may go far deeper than what is on the surface. You'll know what I mean

    All that said, I think it's an extremely fulfilling relationship.

    My boyfriend is 9w1, so your situation might be different. I know 4s have violent emotions, so when you're together maybe try to make sure you don't go off the edge at the same time. My boyfriend's 9-ness has been a very calming and grounding influence for me.

    Good luck
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  6. #6
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I kind of dated a guy over a period of 6 months or so that tested as an INFP. On the surface, he didn't really seem like one - much more in chargey and talkey than the general stereotype.

    On the other hand, he was also in a bad depression and probably not 100% true to his real character (on top of covering insecurities with a brave front). He was extremely interesting to me though - very capable at anything he was interested in, artistic, great cook, curious, fun to people watch with, excellent sense of humour, good at fixing things, good at teaching, great at getting me to try new things. Had the typical Lord of the Ringsy bent and good with computers.

    I think the misunderstandings/conflict we had had more to do with other things going on in his life at the time than anything else. On the other hand, I think our communication styles were pretty different and had things gotten more serious there would have been some fireworks. Despite expressing surprise at some of the questions I asked, he was glad to talk about himself, sometimes telling things that he hadn't told anyone else. To me that was just a normal way of getting closer to people, but since my time on here, I've realized that those kinds of questions can be seen by Fi users as intrusive or probing. At the time I felt a little hurt that he didn't ask me much back. To some extent I think it had to do with his own issues, but I believe there was also a Fe/Fi element there. Since being on here, I've found that Fi users assume that you will share as you feel ready and that you will offer information spontaneously, while Fe users tend to offer a hint of information and assume you are not interested if you do not inquire further, so then they back off. That can feel like an unspoken rejection, when the Fi user didn't realize that there was any kind of transaction at all.

    Overall, I think I was attracted to him over a period of time, but in the long term, I think it would have taken a lot of work to understand each other well.

    I'm not really sure about his enneagram. I am a 1w2 so/sx, so I don't really fit the profile you are talking about either.

  7. #7
    Senior Member sulfit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salo425 View Post
    Hey all, this is my first post on here, which is weird. I was just wondering what other peoples' experience with INFP guy INFJ girl relationships were. I am also wondering if you've had experience with both parties being 4w5. Being an INFP guy, this isn't just out of curiosity but personal (you could probably tell by how specific I was) but I won't go into it.
    I'm of opinion that relationship between these types are best suited for friendship rather than romance, and discussions of all topics cultural, theoretical, philosophical, and esoteric.

    In socionics these are predicted to be relations of quasi-identity, so INFJs and INFPs will enter into a lot of minor arguments but they generally cannot persuade one another, neither can they offend one another.

    If you want to see relationships between other types see the intertype relationship chart.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    I've known a few INFP guys in real life and honestly, I can't say that I could see myself actually being able to live with any of them on a day in and day out basis. I'm not quite sure why, except that being with an INFP for an extended period of time kind of drains me.


    Maybe it is what Sulfit says,
    In socionics these are predicted to be relations of quasi-identity, so INFJs and INFPs will enter into a lot of minor arguments but they generally cannot persuade one another, neither can they offend one another.
    That constant not knowing where I stand and never getting a straight-forward answer, feeling like I have to translate what he's saying into a language [metaphorically speaking] that I can understand and filtering through all the stuff he throws out there [Ne?] is exhausting.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  9. #9
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    From what I've gathered, the infj will eat the pants.

    Their breasts bounce atop a sea of legs.

    thinking of you

  10. #10
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    I'm having issues with an INFJ coworker. We are okay friends. (He probably likes and respects me more than the other way around. btw he is gay).

    We are both sensitive. If I had a personal issue and needed someone to talk to, he would be great at listening. INFJs seem to be very emotionally honest people. They might not say things off the bat, but if you had a question, they'd relate in a very down to earth way.

    However much of the time, he drives me nuts, and not in a good way. He is much too dramatic for my tastes, too outwardly intense, and waaaay too sensitive. I'm sensitive too, but I don't show it, therefore I don't foist my sensitivities too obviously on others. I just stress myself out at home, later.

    I feel I'm walking on eggshells with my friend, that he's listening intently to everything I say and relating them to himself, that he's aching for compliments and reassurances. It is painful, as if I'm being wrapped up by a stifling, siamese twin. It is probably worse right now because we are working on the same project. I think being with someone so sensitive (both him and me) is easier for those who are less sensitive themselves (ie; thinking types) because they don't have to be so consciously hyper-aware of all the *feelings* out there. It's like a mass of horrible land mines.

    Anyway, just my 2 cents. I think I've generally done better with thinking types romantically, but that's just me.

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