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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    from what i have noticed INFPs tend to be extremely submissive/agreeable and this is pretty much the opposite what(what seems from my experience) INFJs want. but ofc not INFPs are like that and maybe not INFJs are looking for a "strong"/assertive male. i mean INFJs tend to be pretty blunt and INFPs tend to start crying(or at least get deeply hurt) from that sort of bluntness..
    Not really submissive (unless submissiveness is valued e.g. S & M) but externally passive in the same manner as an INTP. INFPs become stressed when they put their own needs on hold so in a relationship the INFJ would perhaps be surprised and even unnerved when the INFPs becomes assertive, directive and dictative in pursuit of getting their own way. It may be a turn on or a turn off.

    To the OP: I myself would not recommend an INFP male in most relationships because they don't really have anything to offer a mate and the mate would probably reach a point where they can't provide what the INFP wants. INFJs are a bit of a pain in the ass (especially when they create a strawman by criticising a poorly understood caricature of Fi and by extension INFP and under the belief they are correct spread the misinformation as fact) but I'll leave it up to you.

  2. #12
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Standuble View Post
    Not really submissive (unless submissiveness is valued e.g. S & M) but externally passive in the same manner as an INTP. INFPs become stressed when they put their own needs on hold so in a relationship the INFJ would perhaps be surprised and even unnerved when the INFPs becomes assertive, directive and dictative in pursuit of getting their own way. It may be a turn on or a turn off.
    I agree with this. INFPs generally do not naturally communicate needs very effectively -- it took us about 4 years before we finally learned how to communicate better.

    To the OP: I myself would not recommend an INFP male in most relationships because they don't really have anything to offer a mate and the mate would probably reach a point where they can't provide what the INFP wants. INFJs are a bit of a pain in the ass (especially when they create a strawman by criticising a poorly understood caricature of Fi and by extension INFP and under the belief they are correct spread the misinformation as fact) but I'll leave it up to you.
    Would you mind elaborating on this a bit? I'm interested.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    Would you mind elaborating on this a bit? I'm interested.
    Which part? Most of the strengths of the INFP are locked up inside the Fi and that is a place where only the user themselves would enjoy (unless it provided another with the insights to improve their own personal journey.) You could have full access to it in a hypothetical scenario but think nothing of its contents and have no love for what the person created out of it. As such what the INFP can offer a mate lies in the other three functions which can be better received elsewhere (considering also that the first function overshadows the others.) I would say it would be a rather mediocre experience but that the INFJ stays intrigued because the INFP seems sweet but also withdrawn (aka there is some mystery regarding their character to keep you interested.)

    As for the second part, my experiences with INFJs and Fe users is that they make really stupid mistakes when it comes to Fi users or come to incorrect perceptions about its nature. A perfect example would be that the Fi user did not love them in a relationship because they weren't all hugs or kisses or their lack of interpersonal assertion implied indifference. The Fe user then dumps the Fi user who whilst possibly not been that into the relationship could also have been in love with them (the infatuation becomes nothing short of colossal with the added frustration that it cannot be expressed.) The Fe user then complains that Fi users don't give a shit and/or are ungrateful and this colours the pre-conception of others (whilst they shack up with another Fe user who boasts of an inner world completely amoral and detached.)

    Another such issue is a P/J one - in particular criticism of the Fi user for not conforming to social norms and/or established ethical and moral value systems. My research suggests that at their hearts the FJs do not believes themselves capable of such a task as determining for themselves moral values and cannot comprehend of a system that can (Fi). To them the notion that INFPs do not need to conform to these social norms through the belief that they are capable of being independent of society, able to build their own effective ethical systems to live by, be completely devout to their values entirely through volition and that they have a better understanding of ethics is completely ridiculous and perhaps dangerous. However the same people never stop to ask where the social norms and established ethics they respect actually came from.

  4. #14
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Thanks! I've been in a relationship with my INFP for almost five years now, so I'm interested in hearing other people's experience.

    Quote Originally Posted by Standuble View Post
    Which part? Most of the strengths of the INFP are locked up inside the Fi and that is a place where only the user themselves would enjoy (unless it provided another with the insights to improve their own personal journey.) You could have full access to it in a hypothetical scenario but think nothing of its contents and have no love for what the person created out of it. As such what the INFP can offer a mate lies in the other three functions which can be better received elsewhere (considering also that the first function overshadows the others.) I would say it would be a rather mediocre experience but that the INFJ stays intrigued because the INFP seems sweet but also withdrawn (aka there is some mystery regarding their character to keep you interested.)
    The bolded is true. However, I think Fi is a very subjective, non-judgmental function (or at least judgmental in a different way), and it is in a way very accepting. Yes, it is intriguing, and not just because it is mysterious. From my experience I have found that with good communication, both Fe and Fi can learn from each other and can become more balanced. The learning process is usually full of (figurative) bloodshed along the way though.

    As for the second part, my experiences with INFJs and Fe users is that they make really stupid mistakes when it comes to Fi users or come to incorrect perceptions about its nature. A perfect example would be that the Fi user did not love them in a relationship because they weren't all hugs or kisses or their lack of interpersonal assertion implied indifference. The Fe user then dumps the Fi user who whilst possibly not been that into the relationship could also have been in love with them (the infatuation becomes nothing short of colossal with the added frustration that it cannot be expressed.) The Fe user then complains that Fi users don't give a shit and/or are ungrateful and this colours the pre-conception of others (whilst they shack up with another Fe user who boasts of an inner world completely amoral and detached.)
    This was the opposite way round in my experience. My INFP is quite physically expressive and used to feel extremely hurt when I didn't want to do it in public. I think enneagram types come into play a lot here as well. I got a feeling from your post that the INFJ in question was quite insecure and needed a lot of proactive affirmation. I think in my case I'm pretty intense, so I don't mind initiating things, and when I do my INFP usually responds well to it, so there was never a problem.

    Another such issue is a P/J one - in particular criticism of the Fi user for not conforming to social norms and/or established ethical and moral value systems. My research suggests that at their hearts the FJs do not believes themselves capable of such a task as determining for themselves moral values and cannot comprehend of a system that can (Fi). To them the notion that INFPs do not need to conform to these social norms through the belief that they are capable of being independent of society, able to build their own effective ethical systems to live by, be completely devout to their values entirely through volition and that they have a better understanding of ethics is completely ridiculous and perhaps dangerous. However the same people never stop to ask where the social norms and established ethics they respect actually came from.
    Yeah, I have to admit that this bothered me quite a bit at times. I had to do a lot of adjusting. However, I think in the recent months my INFP has also started to understand why social norms and 'rules' are there, so we are meeting each other half-way


    I think INFP/INFJ relationships can work if both parties are mature enough. In my experience that had involved a lot of initial 'blind faith' to give it a real good chance before you can learn to understand each other. I've come to appreciate our differences and I think we fulfill each other in a way. Words of wisdom I read from a website at the beginning of the relationship that had helped a lot was "Each party tend to feel that their partner's way is inferior" -- so I was determined not to let this happen, and in conflicts I tried to accept the fact that we are different, and not wrong. That had helped a lot.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  5. #15
    Senior Member Hinastarr's Avatar
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    I'm a bit paradoxical when it comes to my personality type; I process the world through the functions of an INFJ (using my ni to constantly wonder "why?" and desire to find underlying symbolism or meaning in everything; using Fe to figure out how my ideas impact the space between myself and others; using Ti to critically analyze everything in my own head from every angle to a fault until I've achieved the logical explanation I was searching for), and yet sometimes, I feel as though I observe it through the lens of an INFP.

    I do not possess that imposing, strong-minded nature that INFJs seem to have, since I am usually very soft and sensitive to the criticism and opinions of others in an atypical way. I yearn for deep connections and unconditional acceptance from others (very idealistic of me, I know), yet unlike many of the INFP males I've known, don't wait to be approached passively, but instead, attempt to approach others more firmly once I've managed past my shyness and often self-disclose rather easily once I feel certain that the person I've approached appears to be interesting or reliable.

    I value authenticity above all else and prefer being direct when expressing my feelings toward others and resolving a conflict, which makes it frustrating once an INFP (or perhaps, any IxxP in general) is inclined to withdraw from the situation and project mixed signals regarding their views on the situation. I need closure when it comes to issues, yet will go back and forth with it almost compulsively until I am certain that everything has been resolved; I feel as though an INFP however is usually a bit more detached from others emotionally and focuses more on their own feelings toward a situation, which can perhaps make them easier from them to simply walk away and shut you out of their life once they've tired of giving you chances and no longer feel as though you fit neatly into their inner value system).

    I'm a soul searcher admittedly, but unlike INFPs, rely on the opinions I've gathered externally in order to later analyze them all critically to figure out the logic behind it all through Ti; INFPs probably long more so to go on solitary, introspective thoughts without being disturbed in order to accuraretely figure out what they truly desire and who they are. They don't seem to be the type whom would base their values excessively upon external opinions as I do myself.

    I feel as if INFPs are very sweet, loveable people, but there are some incongruenices in the way we process and deal with different things in general that would probably prevent me from ever getting romantically involved with one; although I am not an organized, focused person at all, I have a more structured mindset than INFPs do that inclines me to want closure and leads me to desire to resolve everything through direct action. I could neevr simply just sit down, relax, and let it all be as it is whenever I feel stressed out, and never stop analyzing people and things enough in order to do so.

  6. #16
    Level 8 Propaganda Bot SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Since being on here, I've found that Fi users assume that you will share as you feel ready and that you will offer information spontaneously, while Fe users tend to offer a hint of information and assume you are not interested if you do not inquire further, so then they back off. That can feel like an unspoken rejection, when the Fi user didn't realize that there was any kind of transaction at all.
    Truth ^

    I've been with a female INFJ myself (I know you're looking for female INFJ input) and Fidelia brings up a relevant aspect of an INFP/INFJ relationship. Knowing how to deal/understand the other persons F function and how it impacts how they communicate.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by sulfit View Post
    I'm of opinion that relationship between these types are best suited for friendship rather than romance, and discussions of all topics cultural, theoretical, philosophical, and esoteric.

    In socionics these are predicted to be relations of quasi-identity, so INFJs and INFPs will enter into a lot of minor arguments but they generally cannot persuade one another, neither can they offend one another.

    If you want to see relationships between other types see the intertype relationship chart.
    I want to agree with this, but two factors to consider that would impact this greatly are maturity/age and gender. By the later I mean I think that a male INFJ and female INFP are more likely to be "successful" long term, what with gender roles and whatnot... As to the former, well most healthy individuals tend to mellow out (with age/experience) and move to the middle and in that regards, anything is possible with enough work.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    ...except that being with an INFP INFJ for an extended period of time kind of drains me.
    Having been with an INFJ (female) for 3 years I can totally relate to this. From my prospective it was the constant emotional "pinging" and subject matter that sent me for a loop. I can only take so much emotion before I feel the urge to flee/shutdown.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    We are both sensitive. If I had a personal issue and needed someone to talk to, he would be great at listening. INFJs seem to be very emotionally honest people. They might not say things off the bat, but if you had a question, they'd relate in a very down to earth way.

    However much of the time, he drives me nuts, and not in a good way. He is much too dramatic for my tastes, too outwardly intense, and waaaay too sensitive. I'm sensitive too, but I don't show it, therefore I don't foist my sensitivities too obviously on others. I just stress myself out at home, later.

    I feel I'm walking on eggshells with my friend, that he's listening intently to everything I say and relating them to himself, that he's aching for compliments and reassurances. It is painful, as if I'm being wrapped up by a stifling, siamese twin. It is probably worse right now because we are working on the same project. I think being with someone so sensitive (both him and me) is easier for those who are less sensitive themselves (ie; thinking types) because they don't have to be so consciously hyper-aware of all the *feelings* out there. It's like a mass of horrible land mines
    I totally relate to what you've brought up. At the time that it happened to my much younger self I took this to be just so much emotional manipulation. I was self censoring constantly. I've since learned to agree to disagree. Quite useful, hehe.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    Thanks! I've been in a relationship with my INFP for almost five years now, so I'm interested in hearing other people's experience.


    The bolded is true. However, I think Fi is a very subjective, non-judgmental function (or at least judgmental in a different way), and it is in a way very accepting. Yes, it is intriguing, and not just because it is mysterious. From my experience I have found that with good communication, both Fe and Fi can learn from each other and can become more balanced. The learning process is usually full of (figurative) bloodshed along the way though.


    This was the opposite way round in my experience. My INFP is quite physically expressive and used to feel extremely hurt when I didn't want to do it in public. I think enneagram types come into play a lot here as well. I got a feeling from your post that the INFJ in question was quite insecure and needed a lot of proactive affirmation. I think in my case I'm pretty intense, so I don't mind initiating things, and when I do my INFP usually responds well to it, so there was never a problem.


    Yeah, I have to admit that this bothered me quite a bit at times. I had to do a lot of adjusting. However, I think in the recent months my INFP has also started to understand why social norms and 'rules' are there, so we are meeting each other half-way


    I think INFP/INFJ relationships can work if both parties are mature enough. In my experience that had involved a lot of initial 'blind faith' to give it a real good chance before you can learn to understand each other. I've come to appreciate our differences and I think we fulfill each other in a way. Words of wisdom I read from a website at the beginning of the relationship that had helped a lot was "Each party tend to feel that their partner's way is inferior" -- so I was determined not to let this happen, and in conflicts I tried to accept the fact that we are different, and not wrong. That had helped a lot.
    This "hopeful" and positive post warmed my heart greatly. You left the practical but very important stuff at the end so I will bring it to the front.

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    I think INFP/INFJ relationships can work if both parties are mature enough. In my experience that had involved a lot of initial 'blind faith' to give it a real good chance before you can learn to understand each other. I've come to appreciate our differences and I think we fulfill each other in a way. Words of wisdom I read from a website at the beginning of the relationship that had helped a lot was "Each party tend to feel that their partner's way is inferior" -- so I was determined not to let this happen, and in conflicts I tried to accept the fact that we are different, and not wrong. That had helped a lot.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

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